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There was an interesting conversation on a mailing list a while ago about triggers, started off by a comment about people who use the idea of triggering to blind-side a disagreement. For instance, Person A says such-and-such. Person B disagrees. Person A says "You are only disagreeing with me because you are triggered. If you were normal, and rational, you would be able to see that my way is the Truth". It's very similar to that old thing about assertive women being pre-menstrual.
To begin with though, another question needs to be asked. Just what is a trigger anyway?
For me, a trigger is that which causes a sudden involuntary emotional reaction. It may or may not involve involuntary switching. It may or may not include flashbacks. It may or may not be a negative reaction, though in practise we tend not to think of positive reaction as "triggered", perhaps because they don't cause the "panic" reaction that the negative ones do.
On some of the survivor-type MPD/DID lists (I'm using those terms in this instance because the people involved are so keen to claim those labels), it is commonplace to put a "trigger warning" if a post contains material that might cause someone to be triggered; things like sex, abuse, cutting, religion, death, religion etc are common ones. The idea being, that the sensitive reader who is triggered by mention of the word "death" can read the warning in the subject and avoid reading that particular post.
This is all well and good, if the people on those lists want to deal with their trigger issues by ignoring them. Sure, they will not be hurt by their triggers... but they will never grow or become stronger. They sit forever in the victim-mindset, perpetually feeding themselves on their own fear. "Oh, you triggered me! Poor me! Pity me!" And back of course come the {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}} and the poor triggered person gets what they were seeking; sympathy.
It is a very small step from there to... "Oh, you triggered me! It's your fault! You are an evil perpetrator!" Fortunately I've not seen that, but I know of someone who has. They are passing the responsibility for the trigger away from themselves and onto the other person. But you may think, a person cannot help what their triggers are, if they were abused. It's not their own fault.
No-one can possibly be expected to know or anticipate what might be triggering for someone else. Take us, for example. No mention of sex or death or religion will ever get me triggered, but the sight of a train set will. One of those big ones, with all the scenery, hills and little plastic shops and grass made out of coloured sawdust. A year ago I remembered why. The sons of my other's best friend, who were several years older then me, had a train set like that. They lived in a big house and I was always so jealous of all their wonderful toys. When I was, oh, about ten I think, the eldest son sexually assaulted me, under the table with the train set.
But I would not expect or want people to avoid talking about train sets, or put trigger warnings if they happen to mention them in an e-mail. It's not up to them to take responsibility for my triggers. It's up to me. I have the choice of whether to avoid all contact with train sets, thereby avoiding the trigger, or else to face the trigger and confront my fears. I very rarely if ever encounter train sets in my life, so it's relatively easy for me to avoid this particular trigger, and it doesn't make a big impact on me. In fact, now I write it down and read it back to myself it sounds positively silly. But for someone whose trigger is "sex" or "being touched", or "all men", then they are going to have a very hard time avoiding their trigger issues and they better find a way of dealing with it if they ever want to be functional at all.
Everyone, whether multiple or not, has it rough sometimes. Without pain, trials and obstacles, we will never grow stronger. Learning how to cope with problems is what makes it easier to handle them next time round. Running away from the trigger issues will not help us to grow or to learn, and living life through trigger warnings and virtual hugs will not enable us to become more functional. By passing the blame onto others for our triggers we are empowering them, and disempowering ourselves. I get uncomfortable with all those people offering me hugs and healing and sympathy. It's like they're feeling sorry for me because they think I'm sick and disordered. But on the other hand I'm trying to regard it all as being not a disorder, and that's contradictory to the impression given by these well-meaning people offering the healing and the hugs.
Then there's the issue of switching. Now, in our system, Ash can always be persuaded to take front simply by going for a walk outside on a windy, stormy sort of night. A therapist might say that the stormy night is triggering for us, and that it is a bad thing, because switching in general is considered to be "unhealthy". For those of us who do not regard multiplicity as a disorder, that attitude can be rather offensive. It would never have crossed my mind to say that stormy nights were a trigger issue for us.
And of couse there are some things that cause a positive reaction. For me it's the scent of fresh hay. I keep rats and use hay for their bedding, and whenever I open a new bag and get a whiff of it, it takes me right back to the farm and the stables where I spent so much time as a kid. Again, it never would have occurred to me to say that was a trigger, but I suppose it is. Suppose something bad had happened to me in a stable, and the scent of fresh hay sent me into a panic instead, it isn't really any different from being triggered to a happy, nostalgic memory instead of a bad, abusive one. Only my reaction to it is different...
I think people who say "Oh, you disagree with me so you must be triggered" are making a huge assumption about what triggers another person and how they might react to that trigger. I'm damn sure that if I was triggered I would not be thinking about composing an e-mail argument to someone else, let alone being even capable of sitting at the computer and typing anything at all. Triggers should not be used as an excuse for anything, by anyone. Whether to perpetuate the victim-mentality or for another to use it as a tool for manipulation, it is just... wrong.
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