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You might be a Redneck if...
The wonderful work of Jeff Foxworthy.
You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.
You own a home that is mobile and five cars that aren't.
You go to a party and the punch bowl flushes.
You think the last four words of the National Anthem are "Gentlemen, start your engines!"
Somebody hollers, "Hoe down!" and your girlfriend hits the floor.
Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree at the corner.
Your kids take a siphon hose to Show and Tell.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You pick your teeth from a catalog.
You can entertain yourself with a flyswatter for more than one hour.
You've ever gone to the ear, nose, and throat doctor to have your finger removed.
You use a fishing license as a form of ID.
You've ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
You refer to your wife and mother-in-law as "dual air bags".
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.
Your best shoes have numbers on the heels.
Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
You list your parole officer as a reference.
Your screen door has no screen.
There are more fish on your wall than pictures.
You've been on TV more than once describing what the tornado sounded like.
Truckers tell your wife to watch her language.
The family business requires a lookout.
when packing for vacation, your biggest decision is whether to use paper or plastic.
You have to take the entire day off work to get yourt eeth cleaned.
You consider dating second cousins as "playing the field".
You go to your brother's wedding just to kiss the bride.
You've ever eaten out of a minnow bucket.
Your bra size is higher than your SAT score.
You think "six to ten pounds" on the side of the Pampers box means how much the diaper will hold.
You've ever hollered, "You kids quit playing on that sheet metal!"
You think the Battle of the Bulge is an argument between your wife and your mother.
You hold a frog and it worries about getting warts.
You think safe sex is when the participants are married to each other.
You paint your house with car paint.
You can drink beer through your nose.
You've ever committed a crime with a lawn mower.
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
You own half of a pickup truck.
You have to check your shirt to spell your name.
** A full moon reminds you of your mother-in-law pulling weeds.
You stare at a frozen can of orange juice because it says, "Concentrate".
You have a black eye and a hickey at the same time.
Your kids have a three-day-old Kool-Aid mustache.
You think the Yellow Pages has something to do with training a puppy.
Your new sofa was on a curb in another part of town yesterday.
You bring a bar of soap to a public pool.
**All your relatives would have to die to wipe out illiteracy.
Your two year old has more tteth than you do.
** You won't go to the family Christmas party unarmed.
You trim your beard and find a french fry.
Your satellite dish has more square footage than your house.
Your TV gets 512 channels, but you have to go outside to use the bathroom.
Your wife would rather fish off a bridge than shop for clothes.
You say a sign that says, "Just say no to crack!" and it reminds you to pull up your jeans.
There are tobacco stains down the side of your school bus.
Everyone in your family is an Elvis impersonator.
You've ever walked through a drive-thru window.
You offer to give somebody the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
Your wife's earrings used to be fishing lures.
You missed your high school graduation because your kids were sick.
Your belt buckle is bigger than your head.
You think Roe vs. wade deals with boat ownership.
Your car breaks down by the side of the road and you never go back to get it.
Your riding lawn mower has cup holders.
** Your toothbrush has been in the family for generations.
You have to wash your hands before going to the bathroom.
** Your parrot can say, "Open up, it's the police!"
You make your wife ride in the back of the truck so the dog won't get sick.
Your first pet was a chicken.
Your chili's secret ingredient comes from the bait shop.
** You have a refrigerator just for beer.
Your dog can smoke a cigarette.
You come back rom the dump with more than you took.
The trunk of your car is tied down and you're not hauling anything.
Your flashlight holds more than four batteries.
Your truck can pass over a 55-gallon drum without touching it.
** You refer to 5th grade as "my senior year".
Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.
You've given away more free puppies than the animal shelter.
** You have to mow your driveway.
The highlight of your family reunion was your sister's nude dancing number.
** You consider a six-pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
Directions to your house include, "turn off the paved road".
You know how many bales of hay your car can hold.
You honest-to-god think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
Your pocketknife doubles as a toothpick.
** Hail hits your house and you have to take it to the body shop for an estimate.
You've ever had hot flashes at a cattle auction.
** Your family tree does not fork.
The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You have to dress up the kids to go to K-Mart.
Your wife's hairdo has ever ruined a ceiling fan.
** You've ever been too drunk to fish.
All four-letter words are two syllables.
You view the upcoming family reunuion as a chance to meet women.
Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
You wonder how service stations keep their bathrooms so clean.
** You consider your license plate "personalized" because your father made it.
Your wife keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
** You've ever had to haul a can of paint to the top of a watertower to defend your sister's honor.
You play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey and get four teeth kicked out.
You've ever had sex in a satellite dish. (er.....hehe.)
You can smoke a cigarette to the end without knocking off the ash.
You've ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
There are more than 10 lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
The major color of your automobile is Bondo.
** Your dentist dreads seeing you more than you dread seeing him.
Your 4th of July cookout has ever been ruined because your daddy got drunk and burned the Spam.
** The pink flamingo in your front yard has buckshot holes in it.
You fish out of your above ground swimming pool.
Stranges mistakenly think your children are dressed for trick-or-treat.
You've ever ridden on a luggage rack.
The figures in your nativity scene are wearning camouflage.
** You drove to elementary school.
If you answered "yes" to 3 or more of these questions, then you are a Redneck!!
Whew - I just made it by! Hehehe.
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