O.K Women! here's your chance to get back at men...remember one or two of these and you can be
sure to have the girlies gagging with laughter while the blokes just stare in disbelief!
The Lord
and The California Guy
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a
sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky opened up
"You have been faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish"
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I
want to.
"The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic.Think of the
logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the
bottom of the Pacific!
The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard
for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time
and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time.
Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four
times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that
I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they
are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they
mean when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy"
After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
Nasty Old Gal
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing.
"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"
"Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?"
"Opened a can of peas instead."
Beauty or Brains?
Why is beauty more important than brains for a woman?
Because plenty of men are stupid, but not very many are blind.
What For?
Tired of being asked why she never married an elderly spinster concocted a response that usually shut people up.
"I have a fireplace that smokes, a washing machine that won't work, a cat that stays out all night, a dog that barks at me, and a kitchen sink that smells bad. Why do I need a husband?"
A Woman's Ultimate Fantasy
Ask any man, and he will tell you that any woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.
While this has been verified by a recent study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.
A Bit Catty
Two older women, who were rivals in a social circle, met at a party.
"My dear," said the first woman, "Are those real pearls?"
"They are," replied the second woman.
"Of course the only way I could tell would be for me to bite them," smiled the first.
The second responded, "Yes, but for that you would need real teeth."
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