The Victorian era was one of grace and elegance. Every woman was a lady, and every man a gentleman. Young children were educated in not only the academic studies, but also in the social rules and expectations. From day one they were groomed for a world of top hats and feathered fans, where a gentleman would always hold the door and a lady would never be seen picking up her own gloves. No matter how "out-dated" some of their rules may seem today, the laws of etiquette are there for the benefit of everyone. Nothing puts people off you faster than ill-mannered behaviour. For those of you that long for an era long gone by, and the respect and courtesy expected by all, here are some of the most useful (and interesting!) tips for social etiquette.
Social Basics For the Young Lady
Upon being introduced to a gentleman, a lady will never offer her hand. She should bow politely and say "I am happy to make your acquaintance" or words to that effect.
When bowing on the street, it is appropriate to incline the head gracefully, but not the body.
When travelling by train, tramcar or omnibus, the well-bred lady had a delicate sense of self respect that keeps her from contact with her neighbour, as far as such contact is avoidable.
A lady never looks back after anyone in the street, or turns to stare at them in the theatre, concert hall, church or opera.
A lady never, ever smokes.
In crossing the street, a lady raises her dress a little above the ankle, holding together the folds of her gown and drawing them toward the right. Raising the dress with both hands exposes too much ankle, and is most vulgar.
A lady (or gentleman for that matter) will always rise to their feet in respect for an older person, or one of a higher social standing.
Above all, the lady strives to be dignified and elegant in everything she does.
And For the Gentlemen
A gentleman will always tip his hat to greet a lady.
When walking in the street, the gentleman always walks on the outside to protect his lady from the dangers of the road.
If a gentleman is smoking and a lady passes by, he should remove the cigar from his mouth.
A true gentleman should always rise when a lady enters or leaves the room, and remove his hat upon entering a room where ladies are present. He should also precede a lady in ascending the stairs, and follow her in descending them.
A gentleman always stands to shake hands.
During the daytime, a gentleman never offers a lady his arm unless to protect her in a large crowd. In the evening, it is appropriate for her to take his arm.
A gentleman should never place his arm on the back of a chair occupied by a lady.
The Etiquette of Dress
"Good clothes open all doors"
Thomas Fuller 1705
When meeting people, one of the first impressions one takes of them is from their attire. To be unsuitably dressed for the occasion was a grave blunder indeed. The well-bred lady is intimately acquainted with the rules of the wardrobe, and can present herself well for any occasion. But, should you have somehow missed out on this vital part of your social education I will provide some very useful tips for you here!
When staying with friends on a Sunday, it is correct for to appear at breakfast in the same dress you intend to wear to church. To put on another dress for so short a time would be foolish!
For morning wear, one cannot dress too simply. A light, inexpensive material in a delicate whole colour is perfect.
All ornaments in the morning are likely to be viewed as very bad taste!
For the riding costume, the key considerations are utility and compactness. Take care not to wear too long a skirt, for it is apt to be a danger in case of accident and will often alarm the horses.
When attending a ball, the effect of a ball-gown should be to appear striking as one enters the room, and yet neat upon leaving it.
Ball-gowns should be of delicate, flimsy material and in a soft, light colour. Gloves should be extremely long, to cover most of the arm.
In the country, day-dress is apt to be considerably plainer and more simplistic.
The visiting dress should be of a richer texture and gayer in colour than the day dress at home.
Displaying a great quantity of jewellery in the daytime is in very poor taste.
Low-fronted dressed should be restricted to dinners by candlelight.
Always dress according to your station and class. There is a silly fashion amongst servant girls to save their wages and purchase fine, expensive costumes, which are impractical and unsuited to their lifestyle.
The wearing of sham jewellery is most appallingly vulgar!
Some Other Interesting Rules and Tips
For Weddings and Courtship:
"It is astonishing what good marriages plain girls make. 'Tis a way they have. The pretty ones are perhaps a little spoiled. They think to be pretty is enough." ~Manners for Women
A single lady and a single gentleman should never be left alone in a room together. This could be embarrassing for them, and lead to speculation amongst others.
A gentleman should not engage in conversation with a lady to whom he has not been formally introduced. If he has been introduced to her for the purpose of dancing, this does not count. If he wished to become further acquainted with her, he must find a mutual friend who will make introductions.
It used to be the fashion for brides to weep at the ceremony, and possibly at the "wedding breakfast" also. Towards the end of the century, this became considered very bad form, as was viewed as almost an insult to the groom.
At a wedding, it is impolite to compliment the bride, who should receive merely wishes for a happy future. The groom is the one to be congratulated - after all, he is the fortunate one!
For Dinner Parties:
Champagne and white wines should always be served chilled, but it is far better to lower the temperature in the bottles than the glasses. Champagne should be cooled in the following manner:
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Lay the bottle down in a basin and cover with a handful of broken-up ice
Sprinkle it with a a little salt and cover it with a piece of damp flannel
Always begin chilling at least two hours before you intend to serve .
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Claret and Burgundy should be served milk-warm. This brings out the body.
Port, Sherry or Madeira should certainly not be chilled. It does no good at all to the flavour.
The best plates for a dinner party are white or cream, with a slender margin or line of colour and occasionally the crest or monogram - or both - of the host in a medallion or circle at the side.
A table centre provides a pleasant focus for the guests. Flowers and leaves chosen should be appropriate to the season of the year.
The beautiful Nice rose adds a touch of refinement to a table display.
Gloves are kept on until the wearer is seated at the table, at which point they must be removed. They should be resumed afterwards, the right glove put on prior to shaking hands to say goodbye.
When making conversation at the dining table, one must take care not to use gestures of the hands.
Some Recommended Books
"Manners for Women" ~ by Mrs. Humphry, Pryor Publications:
A lovely book, indispensable to those who long for the days of elegance and refinement. It contains many tips and rules of society from the turn of the century, and covers all aspects of social life for women
"The Etiquette of Dress" ~ Compiled By Madeleine Brant, Copper Beech publishing:
This is a very cute little book with some great tips on Victorian dress. If you've ever asked "What shall I wear?", this book will tell you what, where and when.
