matthew smith - lyrics
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Misinterpreted my dreams
As having a glimpse of sanity
Riding on – my thoughts of you
Echoing in my head are the delusions of truth
I don’t think that I can walk alone…
In the end there will be signs
Warning signs in friendly disguise
In the end there will be a place
To find all the wisdom that was misplaced
I don’t think that I can walk alone
Down your broken roads
Convinced that all will be revealed
Once you remove the seventh seal
Armored in vanity that is my own
Indecision is the path that leads me home
I don’t think that I can walk alone
Down your broken roads
So what if it ends up that I’m wrong
And I live long enough to write a million songs
Will you continue to feed my need not to believe?
Will I continue to feed on my need not to believe in me?
And I will walk alone
Down your broken roads
I will, I’ll walk alone
Down your broken roads
No use in crying
No use in trying
To make this right before tonight
Has come and gone in an August sky
No time believing
Guess I’ll be leaving
Before the fall we
Led life miserably
If all was fine after forty nights
Then forty days couldn’t set them right
No time for nothing
And so much for something
No time believing
I guess I’ll be leaving
After some time I might
Fly towards the sunlight
Although your heart lies in the west
I’ve seen first-hand why this is best
Tired of the night time
Sick with fever, I’m…
Heading out where the sun goes down
And this time I won’t be the clown
For you, or me
Ancient history
No time believing
I guess I’ll be leaving
No time believing
I guess I’ll be leaving
Sometimes I would kill for a night like this
Running against the wind
Mostly, I like a day of rain
Can I believe that, in the end
That with this mind there is the time
To end the way that I’ve resigned
To be the same and never change
Stop the flood my own way
Sometimes I look down from my vantage point
Of ill-fated dreams of my design
Without them I would be nothing
But an empty man, that is not mine
With this verse I can’t coin a phrase
Some days my ideas are to blame
For moralizing and socializing
And criticizing the one that I turned to
What was that I turned to?
I feel a waste of energy
Is what I can rely on
Empty days and endless nights
Progress here – there may be some
But, if it ends that my life’s a mess
Maybe, someday I will be, at best
A lonely soul without a home
Wandering, wondering all alone
If this is what I’ve turned into
What is this that I’ve turned into?
What was it that led me to this view
High above the ocean
On this late December afternoon
Some things are worth changing
Delving deep into my mind
Trying to find the time
Evolved into this
Created a new specialty
Belonging wholly to one
Beginning to think it’s begun
But, I may have missed that
Some things are worth changing, but not this
A new purpose, old in form
Came into harms way through you
I know this is just what you do
But, instead of being sent into the mist, you realized that
Some things are worth changing, but not this
Crowned by the king of indifference
Taught to feel the same as you do in your sickly way
As we ought to deal with the blame
Of who came and took your name
And do we ever feel the same?
Soon we will is what I wish
Some things are worth changing, but not this
I couldn’t believe
Things aren’t how they should be
This one was never for you
So, don’t think for a second that this is true
Once I stood up
The water flowed from my cup
Hit the floor face first, maybe
Then it did an about-face from me
But in the end it never ceased to be
Before I win, I’d better tie up a few loose ends
Before I win, I’d better tie up a few loose ends
Out in the cold
I was made to feel that I’m this old
Falling from my sight
A ghost - familiar faced, arms at the sky
I carried a load too light
To take a sense of pride on that night
Who said that it’s been done
When another drink he needs to feel like one
Before he fell, he hadn’t yet begun
Before I win, I’d better tie up a few loose ends
Before I win, I’d better tie up a few loose ends
What’s begun to end
Will die in vain again
Whose end has not begun
Will repeatedly walk into and away from the sun
I didn’t believe
In the things you seemed to say about me
This whole thing must end tonight
So I can die a peaceful death without your sight
Before I win, I’d better tie up a few loose ends
Before I win, I’d better tie up a few loose ends
Before I win, before I win…
After so much time I thought I’d be alright
Again and again I knew I’d be fine
One day or more, maybe if I swore
To be by my side
So when this day passes from dawn
Will I awake to find that I’m just a pawn
In my own stupid game – alone I played
A sadly meaningless song
If I could sleep
I’d want a new set of dreams
To keep me company instead of these
The things that pass from the front to the rear
Of my head, at times, it seems all to clear
What I want to do is start anew
Suddenly reappear
But, at times I wish I could just walk away
And pretend that I’d never been that way
Get out of the past, put it to rest
It’s better that way
If I could believe
In something greater than me
If I could turn around
And witness my life upside-down
I would stop thinking in terms of years
And start thinking in terms of tears
And one day I could say that I gave it my best
And all of my time wouldn’t fade into the rest
After all this time I don’t know what to say
What is left to write down on this page?
In twenty-five years, twenty-five thousand tears
I should be on my way
If I could sleep
I’d want a new set of dreams
To keep me company instead of these
And if I could turn away
I’d want somebody to say
That I’d done all the right things
By letting you know
That I was letting you go
Go speak your mind
(what are you doing here?)
Fly off the handle at reflections
You seem to think
That all is well
(what are you doing here?)
But run and hide from
Nightmares of daily life
Please don’t make me try to make sense
Of my mistakes – I keep making them
Over again – under-influenced by the things
That matter between two or three…
Think an impure dream
(what the hell are you doing?)
Try and empty out
All the garbage that has filled up
My nines and my fives
(what the hell are you doing?)
All add up to these irrelevant things
That matter to me
Please don’t make me try to make sense
Of my mistakes – I keep making them
Over again – under-influenced by the things
That matter between two or three…
…friends that follow me down
Two or three lives that follow me down
And I will follow this all the way down
Go run your mouth
(what are you doing this for?)
Believe a naïve tongue
That paved his own road
With bad intentions
(who are you doing this for?)
There are tons of holes
In every word on this page
Please don’t make me try to make sense
Of my mistakes – I keep making them
Over again – under-influenced by the things that matter
Please don’t make me try to make sense
Of my mistakes – I keep making them
Over again – under-influenced by the things
That matter between two or three…
…friends that follow me down
Two or three lives that follow me down
Two or three loves that follow me down
And I will follow this all the way down
Ten forty five – rainy Thursday
In the a.m. – awake an hour
Cigarettes and coffee comprise
This November twenty-five in ninety-nine
No one to complain
No way rain will slow this parade
No wonder it went down this way
On this endless Thanksgiving Day
It’s me and you, no others allowed
No others wanted me to stick around
(but I stuck around)
Time out of hand – wait ‘til Friday
In the morning – work for hours
Boxes, empty boxes will delay
My passion for rainy days
Nothing will remain
Nothing can drive a man insane
Nothing but time to fill my day
Grateful in that traditional Thanksgiving way
It’s me and you, no others allowed
No others wanted me to stick around
(but I stuck around)
Eleven point three – rainy Thursday
In the year of our lord – a.d.
Nineteen hundred ninety-nine
November twenty-five is all mine
November twenty-five is all mine
Left only with my sickness
I struggle on and on
And seek for a purpose under the sun
I could give into my whims
I could light up again
Or, I could try and finish what I never begun
But, for now I will sit
In a bombed-out, empty tent
That used to be the place that I am from
To remind me of the days
That she took away
And all the days we both spent on the run
Who is there to divide and conquer now?
Who is there to divide and conquer…
Our life was hypothetical
It seemed all too neglectable
Was I supposed to know this long ago?
The waiting I went through
And all the places she went to
Never prepared me for what she had to unload
And the reasons she had
Were founded by her friends
She only relayed them to me, as far as I can tell
I am just a leaf, she said
A November one at that
And she was the tree from which I fell
Who is there to fall in disgrace now?
Who is there to fall in disgrace…
All the thoughts inside my head
Could never have been read
But I wish she would’ve tried, sometimes
Because, if she would’ve seen
What I could never be
She would have quit this long before I had the chance to try
Who is there to die with honor now?
Who is there to die with honor…
I’m looking through the paper
Trying to find a job
There’s no sense of caring inside anyone
I have been neglected
By the joys of the world
Laid off too many times
I don’t know what’s left…
…to see
Mind spent on the wrath
Of a careless enterprise
Circumstance has become my demise
This town spits upon me
No work to be had here
Getting sick of running from
What I’m striving for
You see?
You can’t see
In this world
There’s too much to be had
Too many struggles
We would fight and die instead
Minimum outlook
Of a slow, crooked heart
Maybe the next one
Will stumble on the spark
And see
But, you can’t see
Those who fight will die despite all of their futures
Those who die will live despite all of their ventures
Those who live will fight despite all of the outcomes
Those who fight will die, in spite…
…in spite of me
Once in a while in my life
I have despised the size of my lies
Now and again, I pretend
To send out invitations to the end
I’m sorry if I disturbed you
From the quiet sleep your resting in
I’m sorry if I observed you
Within the ins and outs of your own little world
If I said to you, “I’m dead to you
I’ve bled for you and read to you
Stories that were once believed to be true”
Would you unglue all the truths we pursue?
I didn’t mean to disturb you
In the quiet home you live within
I never meant to observe you
Within the ins and outs of your own little world
I’m on my feet, I dare repeat
To have a seat and remain incomplete
The source, a pinpoint held within
Dares to defend the love depends on sin
I’m sorry if I disturbed you
From the quiet sleep you’re resting in
I never meant to observe you
Within the ins and outs of your own little world
Words are falling from my tongue
Words are a whisper from my lungs
Why can’t I not say what I need to say
When we are face to face
In my disgrace I am whole
In my silence I am told
That my words aren’t wanted anymore
And my breath isn’t warm like before
Listen to me breathe
These things I say are real
Annoying? I know
Life has caught up with my mind
Life has snuck up from behind
To catch me off-guard in my home
Away from everything I know
These thoughts erase
All pure thoughts erase
I will now erase my words from this page
Listen to me breathe
These things I know are real
Distracting? I know
Words are dripping wet with ink
Words are endless inside me
I thought I wanted to say all this
But I took my shot – I missed
Listen to me breathe
These things I need are real
Pointless – I know
These thoughts erase
All pure thoughts erase
And I will now erase my words from this page
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