Bruno: You're not -- you're not married, are you?
Katie: You tell me. Do I look like a married woman?
Bruno: My radar was up.
Katie: Well, that's probably because I do have a husband.
Bruno: What's the status on that?
Katie: We're separated at the moment.
Bruno: Ooh, I like the moment.
Katie: Mm. So you were telling me about Tuscany.
Bruno: Yeah. Well, you know, those of us lucky enough to be of Italian origin -- we tend to get our point across when we can use our hands to express ourselves.
Katie: Mm. Um -- the music stopped. Should we -- sit down or something?
Bruno: Sure. Or we could find someplace more private where I can use my hands.

Café Dellarte

Dante: Maybe I want something else now. Maybe I want you to suffer. Take my brother outside. Damian and the boy are coming with me.
Lily:No!
Holden: Lily? Lily!
Simon: Put your head down! [Gunshot]
Lily: Mother?! Oh! Mother!
Holden: Lucinda, behind you! [Gunshot]

Lily: Luke, Luke!
Simon: It's all right, Lily! It's okay, I’ve got him!
Lucinda: I'm here, I'm okay.
Lily: You okay, you okay?
Lucinda: I'm all right, darling. Where's Damian?
Holden: Damian?!
Simon: He must have taken off.
Lucinda: I'll look outside. Damian?!
Simon: It's all right, Luke. Your mommy and daddy are okay.
Holden: Simon, Simon? How bad are you hurt?
Simon: It's all right.
Lily: Oh, he's so scared. Mommy's here. It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. Okay. Mommy's gonna take off your hood and make sure you're all right. Okay? Just be careful. It's okay. It's okay. Oh. Oh, no. No, it's not Luke.
Holden: Where's Luke? Tell us.
Lily: Please. It's okay, sweetie. Have you seen my son?
Lily: You must have some idea where my son is. Don't you?
Simon: What is going on here? Where is Luke?
Lily: Do you understand what I’m saying to you? Do you? Please?! Oh, no, no, no, please don't go.
Holden: English. Do you speak English?
Lucinda: He's gone.
Lily: Oh, mother, Luke is gone.
Lucinda: What? No, no, darling, he's -- it's all right. He's right here.
Lily: He's a double. Dante never intend to give Luke to us at all.
Lucinda: Oh, my God.
Lily: And now Dante is dead. Give me this. [ Lily grabs the gun from Lucinda’s hand and points it at one of Dante’s men ] Listen to me right now.
Lucinda: Don't you do that! Don't you do it.
Lily: You either tell me where Luke is, or I'll kill you right here.
Holden: Lily -- Lily, don't. The last thing we need right now is more blood on our hands.
Lily: I'm gonna do whatever I have to, to get my son back. I don't care what I have to do.
Lucinda: Darling, don't.
Holden: We've done everything we could since this whole thing started, all right?
Lily: But Dante is dead.
Holden: I think I know where Luke is. Dante kept us separated, but I think that he was keeping Luke here.
Lily: How do you know that?
Holden: Luke was Dante’s ace in the hole. He had to keep him here. We're wasting time on this guy, okay? You gotta trust me. We're gonna find our son, okay? Let's go.
Lucinda: All right. I'll -- I'm coming, too.
Holden: No, you stay here. You stay here. Simon needs your help. I'll find someone, and I’ll tell them to call a doctor, all right?
Lucinda: No, no, no. Okay, all right --
Lily: Simon? Simon? Are you okay? Are you okay?
Simon: Go find Luke. I'll be fine. Go find Luke.
Lucinda: All right. Honey, you go, I’ll stay. I'll stay with him until the doctor gets here.
Holden: Don't worry about those guys. Just as long as you have the gun, you'll be all right, okay?
Lucinda: All right. Okay. Oh, my heavens. My friend, you've looked -- you've looked better.
Simon: Is it getting cold in here? I'm getting kind of cold.
Lucinda: Hey, hey! Here, wait a minute. Here. You're turning out to be quite a hero, you know that? Okay.
Simon: I had to do something with my life, didn't I?

The Lakeview Lounge

Bruno: What is it? Step on your toes?
Katie: No, no, I just got the strangest feeling.
Bruno: Are you cold? You're shivering.
Katie: Am I?
Bruno: Yeah. Maybe we could go someplace warmer. You said you had a room upstairs.
Katie: Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Bruno: Hey, maybe you'd rather be alone tonight.
Katie: No, no, um -- no, I'd rather not be alone tonight. Let's go.

Café Dellarte

Doctor: You are very lucky for now, Mr. Frasier.
Lucinda: Doctor, can -- can this young man, can he man the trip back to the states?
Doctor: With the proper medical equipment.
Lucinda: Okay you make a list. I have a plane at the airport. We'll take whatever we need. Darling! Hold it. This gentleman here has informed me that Damian has escaped, taking Luke with him and, in fact, he assiim.
Holden: Lucinda, let it go. I think it's best if you just get on a plane, take Simon, and get out of here. Lily and I will stay.
Lily: Did they give you something for the pain?
Simon: Yeah, I actually feel a little fuzzy.
Lily: I will never, ever be able to repay you for what you have done for me.
Simon: Then I won't send you a bill. I'd move heaven and earth for you, Lily. But now it's time for me to go home.

The Lakeview Terrace

Katie: I know you probably thought that we were going up to my room.
Bruno: Yeah, and instead we end up in the parking lot. Was it something I said?
Katie: Bruno, I haven't been exactly honest with you.
Bruno: I know. You want to tell me about that ring you slipped off your finger?
Katie: You know about that?
Bruno: I've seen a few wedding ring tan lines in my time.
Katie: Oh, yes, of course.
Bruno: Listen, I may be from Jersey, okay? But when it comes to a woman, I like a little European flavor.
Katie: Oh, and what does that mean exactly?
Bruno: Marriage -- marriage is where you make babies, but making love is making love -- two people making each other feel good without needing the word forever.
Katie: Interesting theory.
Bruno: Do you want to put it to the test?

Bruno: Can I assume your marriage isn't a happy one?
Katie: Yes we've had our problems.
Bruno: Maybe you should start having more fun in your life.
Katie: Mm. And that would include you?
Bruno: If you want.
[ Katie remembering Craig’s Halloween Party when she and Simon left the Lakeview together ]
Simon: Look, we really should get indoors before it starts pouring.
Katie: You're going back to the party?
Simon: Look, I don't think I'm gonna be welcome.
Katie: Well -- if you're not welcome, and I'm not welcome, maybe we should just have a little party of our own. What do you say?
Simon: I say -- yeah, why not?
Bruno: Hey, something wrong?
Katie: Oh, I just had a thought.
Bruno: Something, or someone?
Katie: Someone.
Bruno: I tell you what -- when you're ready to forget about those memories for a night or two, you can give me a call. I'll come to wherever you are.
Katie sighs as Bruno walks off]
Craig: Hee-hee hee-hee, hee
Katie: Oh, checking up on me, huh?
Craig: I thought I'd take my time getting back to the suite. It looked like you might appreciate your privacy tonight.
Katie: Mmm. Not quite yet.
Craig: Well, I'm happy to see you're living up to our new strategy. How's it feel to be not chasing Simon all around the world?
Katie: Oh, it feels pretty good, I guess.
Craig: Mm-hmm.
Katie: And what about you? Staying away from Carly?
Craig: No, I was busy with Bryant tonight -- bonding.
Katie: Oh, right. It's a good plan -- do the fatherhood thing so you don't think about Carly. But just remember -- I'm watching. Don't call her, all right?
[Katie leaves for her room, and Cass catches up with Craig]

Doorman: Excuse me. Can I help you with something? Do you need a cab?
Katie: No, no, thanks. I'm just waiting. I'm Craig Montgomery’s sister. My husband and I have been living in the penthouse suite with him off and on for a while. My husband's Simon Frasier. You know, tall, dark, Australian accent?
Doorman: Yes, I remember him. I haven't seen him in some time, miss.
Katie: Yeah, neither have I. He's been away, in Europe on business. And I was just hoping maybe he'd get an early flight, and I could be his one-woman welcoming committee. Oh, well. I guess I'll go check my messages. I'm sure he'll be home.
Bruno: Ah, la bella Caterina! Como estai?
Katie: Bruno!
Bruno: I've been thinking about you all night. Got an idea how to get your mind off your troubles.
Katie: What troubles? I don't have any troubles.
Bruno: Really? Then why didn't you and I wake up next to each other this morning? Hey, listen, no pressure. If you're not doing anything, maybe you'd like to spend the day with me. You feel like going a little crazy? Because I know exactly what you need.
Katie: And what would that be?
Bruno: Well, you say your father's people are from Tuscany, right?
Katie: Yes.
Bruno: And we all know what Tuscany is famous for. Vino.
Katie: Wine? Don't you think it's a little early in the day to start drinking?
Bruno: Oh, I'm not talking about drinking it.

Lucinda’s Jet

Simon: So is there a movie on this flight or something?
Lucinda: Haven't you have enough excitement and melodrama for a little while? How are you holding up there?
Simon: Oh, fine. I'll be all right. I'm actually looking forward to getting home.
Lucinda: Oh, well, won't be long now.
Simon: How about you? You holding up all right on your end?
Lucinda: Me? Why wouldn't I be?
Simon: Oh, I don't know. You shot a man. I mean, Dante Grimaldi was no altar boy, but still, you know, it's gotta have an impact.
Lucinda: I'm glad I didn't have to plug Damien. I always liked that guy.
Simon: Hey, by the way, thanks for the lift.
Lucinda: The least I could do. Take your pill.
Simon: Thank you. A few months ago, if anybody'd told me I'd be flying high in the Walsh private jet, I would have --
Lucinda: I would've had us all committed.
Simon: Yes, exactly, that's what I was trying to say.
Lucinda: But without you, Lily would never have seen Holden or Luke ever again. You saved their lives.
Simon: No, I didn't. I just helped to set things right, that's all. It's the least I could do after everything Lily and I've put your family through.
Lucinda: She's a lucky girl, my daughter, to have a friend like you.
Simon: Well, I think we both are. Now, I’m pretty sure Katie doesn't believe it's just a friendship, but it is.
Simon: I mean, I knew why I was helping Lily. But I think Katie believed that, I don't know, trying to relive the past.
Lucinda: Mm, she's more complex than I ever would have imagined.
Simon: That's Katie, all right, she's definitely one of a kind.
Lucinda: What's the story with the two of you, really? Do you love her? Or is she just a pit stop on the way to someplace else?

Craig’s Suite

Katie: This is the most exciting thing I think I’ve ever done. I can't believe we're going to be making our own wine! This is exactly what I needed to ground myself.
Bruno: Among other things. Wine is the fuel for love. It relaxes the mind, engages the heart and excites the soul.
Katie: Okay.
Bruno: But first -- we stomp grapes. Where do you keep the bathtub in here?
Katie: In the bathroom. But you're not telling me that you're gonna be stomping on grapes in the bathtub?
Bruno: No. I'm not going to be stomping the grapes in the bathtub. You are.
Katie: Me?
Bruno: Yeah, you said you wanted to learn how to make wine the traditional way. The way they did it back in the old country.
Katie: Yeah, well, I like my wine with a little less feet and, like, no bathtub at all.
Bruno: Wait until you try it. There's a reason your ancestors did this for centuries. It's natural, it's a feast for the senses.
Katie: Well, when you put it that way -- let's make some wine.

Lucinda’s Jet

Simon: Katie -- she's different. She's definitely different. I mean, she makes you want to tear your hair out, she drives you up the wall. And then you realize that she's under your skin, and you wouldn't have it any other way.
Lucinda: Aw
Simon: Oh, please, don't do that. Don't. Don't get me wrong. She's willful, she's immature --
Lucinda: She's borderline certifiable. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.
Simon: What, there's a nice way to call a man's wife insane?
Lucinda: She's just got personality. Various personalities. And variety is the spice of life.
Simon: Well, that is one thing I can always rely on Katie for. Life with her is never boring.
Lucinda: So you're not gonna answer my major question, huh? Should I doze off here?
Simon: What was the question? Oh, right. Am I in love with my wife? Maybe now it doesn't even matter. You know, I disappointed Katie when I tricked her into going back to Oakdale. And when Katie’s disappointed, she has a very unique and special way letting people know. She's probably packed my bags and plans to throw them at me as soon as I walk in the door.
Lucinda: Nonsense. She's pining for you even as we speak.

Bathroom of Craig’s Suite

Bruno: You ready for the experience of a lifetime?
Katie: I think so. Oh, it's gonna feel weird, isn't it? All that fruit in between my toes?
Bruno: Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Katie: What?
Bruno: I should've thought of this before. Your clothes.
Katie: What about them?
Bruno: Well, I'd hate to see you stain such a beautiful outfit.
Katie: Ooh, you're right, I didn't think about that.
Bruno: Do you have something more appropriate for the occasion?
Katie: Um, well, I guess I could just wear an old dress or something, hike it up.
Bruno: How about a bathing suit? You do have a bathing suit, don't you?
Katie: You want me to wear a bathing suit?
Bruno: Yeah.
Katie: Are you suggesting that because it's the best way to stomp grapes? Or it's the best way to see me in a bathing suit?
Bruno: Well, it is the cleanest way to stomp grapes. But if you'd rather do it the way your ancestors did. Spennata. Nude.
Katie: I'll be right back.

Katie: Okay, if the grapes are ready, then so am I. What?
Bruno: Sit. Now, it's only for the good of the grapes, understand?
Katie: Oh. Yes, of course, that feels really good. Only for the good of the grapes, of course.
Bruno: They are lucky, lucky grapes.
Katie: I've never done this before.
Bruno: It's simple. You just get in there, and you think wine. How's it feel?
Katie: If feels good.
Bruno: You're a natural.
Katie: It feels very good.
Bruno: Come on, you got to feel those Tuscan roots coming to life.
Katie: I can't believe I am doing this. I can't believe I'm stomping on grapes, trying to make wine in my brother's bathroom.
Bruno: And you know what? You are the most adorable grape-stomper I've ever seen. Is it working? Is it working? Are you starting to forget.
Katie: Forget? Forget what? Forget who? I love this! I love this! It feels so good, I love it!
Bruno: Yes.

Craig’s Suite

Simon: Katie?
Lucinda: You live here in Craig’s suite.
Simon: Yeah, I guess we call this home. Oh, it's a step up from Bert's Garage anyway -- rent free, private entrance, private bathroom, private bedroom.
Lucinda: Wonderfully dysfunctional and glamorous. You ought to lie down, my friend. Where's your room? I mean, if there's anything I can do to help, I mean anything, anything at all.
Simon: Please, I'm going to be fine. You've done enough already. Don't go to any more trouble. Just let me know if I can help with Lily and Luke at all.
Lucinda: They're going to be home soon. I hope. I've had some thoughts about you. And we'll share them at another time, all right. But you really, we got to get you to a doctor, all right? Or let's get your little wife, let's find your little wife so she can take care of you.
Simon: I'm going to be okay.
Lucinda: And I will withdrawal now. I'll make the phone calls from the car. And I'll be in touch.
Simon: Thank you again for everything.

Bathroom in Craig’s Suite

Katie: How am I doing?
Bruno: You crush grapes like a goddess walking on bubbles.
Katie: Oh, yes, that is me, the Mighty Aphrodite!
Bruno: Was she the goddess of love or the goddess of beauty? 'Cause, you are both
Katie: Oh, please, I'm sure you say that to all the girls.
Bruno: Hey, you know what they say, "in vino veritas." When wine's involved, I can only speak the truth. It allows us to feel our senses. It obeys, it drinks, it trusts. God, we can follow our senses, follow the call of the wild. Can you feel it? Can you feel it?
[Katie kisses Bruno and Simon walks in on the two of them.]

Katie: That was fun. But we're never gonna get any wine made if we keep getting distracted.
Bruno: Just my luck. A perfectionist.
Simon: Hey!
Katie: Simon! Oh, you're hurt. Are you hurt? Are you okay? What happened?
Bruno: I'm gonna hate myself for asking, but who is this?
Katie: My husband.
Bruno: Oh, okay I better get going. Look, I don't know what's up with you two, but this is the most fun I've ever had standing up, so if it doesn't work out, call me. You have my card. I'm gonna leave you another one, just in case. Ciao.
Simon: Ah!
Katie: Simon! What happened? Are you okay? You're totally hurt!
Simon: No, no, you tell me -- who was that guy you were kissing?
Katie: Oh, the guy that just left? That's Bruno. We've been dating.

Simon: So his name was Bruno, and you've been dating?
Katie: Nothing serious. Just a chance meeting at the lounge downstairs, a few glasses of wine, a walk under the stars. It's an Italian thing, you wouldn't understand.
Simon: And you would? You're not Italian, Katie. You're as American as cherry pie.
Katie: Apple.
Simon: Whatever.
Katie: And, yes, you are technically right, but I do have Italian roots, as does he, which makes us simpatico. That means we understand each other.
Simon: Yeah, I know what it means. I have a knife wound, not a lobotomy.
Katie: Anyway, one thing led to another -- a knife wound?!
Simon: No, no, don't you get off the subject. What thing led to another -- another what thing?
Katie: Being Italian led to making wine in my bare feet like the peasant women used to do.
Simon: Well, at least you're wearing your bikini like the old peasant women used to do.
Katie: That was Bruno’s idea.
Simon: Yeah, I bet it was.
Katie: Grape juice stains.
Simon: So what do you call it? Cabernet de Infidelity? Suppose your new boyfriend doesn't know you have a husband.
Katie: Oh, yeah, and he's totally cool with it.
Simon: Oh, good.
Katie: He goes by the European philosophy. You know, he says, "marriage is for making babies, but making love is for making love."
Simon: Well, you see, now I get it. He's a poet.
Katie: You don't mind, do you? I mean, you always said that ours is not a real marriage. Right?
Simon: Yeah, right.
Katie: Here, let me help you. Would you relax? Are you going to tell me what happened or what?
Simon: All I can say is never eat at the Cafe Dellarte.
Katie: You were protecting Lily.
Simon: Something like that.
Katie: And now, you're back, without her?
Simon: Yes. Lily's still in Malta, but she's found Holden. And they're going to be okay. Can you please help me up?
Katie: Sure. Here, let me see that. Ow.
Simon: It's not -- it's actually not that bad. Ow! Ow! Ow! Okay, it's bad. Just don't touch it.
Katie: Okay, well, you're gonna need a new dressing, all right? I can do that. Here, just lean on me. I can hold your weight. Did you miss me?
Simon: Yes. Yes, I did.
Katie: Good. Because after we get that cleaned up and get you a new dressing, we're going to have a little talk.
Simon: About?
Katie: Our future of course.

Craig’s Suite

Katie: I hope Lily appreciates all that you've done for her.
Simon: She's probably sending me a "thank you" note right now. I'm sure she's thankful.
Katie: I just mean that -- it must be an amazing feeling to have someone care about you so much that they would risk their lives for you. I wouldn't know, you've never taken a knife for me.
Simon: Well, I really don't want to make a habit of it, do I?
Katie: Guess not. Done.
Simon: Ow! Thanks. You're a regular Florence Nightingale. Only blonder.
Katie: Well, it's all part of the whole deal, right? The whole "sickness and health" clause? So you're all bandaged up, all cleaned up. And now, I guess it's time for the next part of the agenda.
Simon: Oh. Oh, yeah. The talk.
Katie: Yeah. Things are different between you and me. Different good. Oh, come on, you just rhino-charged a guy for kissing me. And only two types of guys would do that -- one -- a brother, or two -- a man in love
Simon: Yeah, well, I definitely don't see you as my sister, do I?
Katie: Well, good, we're getting somewhere. How do you see me?
Simon: I see you in lots of ways, Katie. Unfortunately, some of them are kind of off limits right now.
Katie: Right. 'Cause you took the knife for Lily -- always, always Lily.
Simon: Please, there is not point going there, Katie.
Katie: Fine. It's just that you love to protect her from everyone, including me. And every time she whistles, you abandon me. Yet, when I want to invite someone over to stomp on some grapes, you go all testosterone.
Simon: That wasn't testosterone, it was surprise. That's all. It was just surprise.
Katie: All right. Well, you'll just have to get used to it then, because Bruno’s has got some very hot Italian blood that he is very anxious to introduce me to. He's pretty gorgeous too, don't you think?
Simon: I don't know. He's not my type.
Katie: And he has lots of money.
Simon: Oh.
Katie: Lots.
Simon: Well, that's very exciting.
Katie: And a Ferrari.
Simon: Is it red?
Katie: I don't know, but he promised to let me drive it.
Simon: And there goes an end to that affair.
Katie: Simon, I’m not joking. Bruno Portolano --
Simon: Bruno Port – are you kidding? That's his name? Katie, this -- this godfather wannabe, he's just a -- he's a con man.
Katie: Oh, really?
Simon: Yes.
Katie: A con man?
Simon: Yes.
Katie: What's he conning me from? All the money in my bank account? My stocks and bonds? My trove of hidden assets? I don't have any.
Simon: You've got plenty of assets, Katie. And two of them are kind of not very hidden right now. So what do you want? Me to say that I love you, that I want you to be my wife in every way? Or else you'll be with Bruno?
Katie: No. I don't have to play games like that anymore to get a guy's attention, 'cause someone actually cares about me. And he cares about everything, not just the obvious things. He cares about my soul.
Simon: You're serious? You think he poured over a bathtub full of grapes because he cares about your soul? Katie, he wanted to watch you jump up and down in a tiny bikini is what he wanted.
Katie: Yeah, well, you know what? You are exactly right, because the minute I walked into the bathroom in my tiny little bikini, he couldn't get his eyes off of me. And you know, Simon? It felt great.

Katie: I can't find Bruno’s number. I wonder if he left it in the bathroom. I don't wanna lose it.
Simon: I know what you're trying to do, Katie.
Katie: Oh! Yes, here it is. Oh, I wonder if the salon downstairs could take me with such short notice. I think I wanna wear my hair up tonight. He has a plane, so maybe we can go to dinner in Chicago --
Simon: Oh, you're trying to do the same thing with this Bruno drip that you did with that drunk guy you dragged home from Yo's. And, look, it didn't make me jealous then, and it's not gonna make me jealous now.
Katie: I'm not trying to make you anything, Simon.
Simon: Okay, then what are you trying to do? What, you meet this Bruno guy and you fall in love with him? Is that it?
Katie: Could be. Eventually. If that's the way it goes. If that's the way I want it to go. It's kinda nice to have someone interested in me for once. To have someone that's not telling me what I do wrong all the time, and someone who's not taking off all the time, and someone who -- why do you even care?
Craig: We're in good shape, Cass. We've got all the chips on our side with the table -- Simon! Welcome back. You just get in?
Simon: So how ya been, Craig?
Craig: Forget about me. What about you? You cut yourself shaving?
Simon: Yeah.
Katie: Oh, please. Craig, if you're done with you're little comedy routine, do you think you could -- we were having a private conversation.
Craig: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I was in my house. Oh, wait. Here's an idea. You have your own apartment on the other side. Why don't you use your own entrance there for your conversations? Might be private.
Katie: Okay, fine. Let's get out of here.
Craig: Oh, oh, wait! Wait, Simon. Simon.
Simon: Ha, ha, ha. What is it?
Craig: A check,! What do you think? It's made out for $25,000. Consider it the first installment of what I owe you. And I will continue to send them, wherever you are, until my debt is paid.
Simon: What do you mean, wherever I am?
Craig: You're free, Simon you can leave Oakdale. Isn't that what you want?
Katie: That's it, isn't it? The getaway car. The golden parachute you've been waiting for.
Simon: I'm really not in a fit state to travel right now, am I? I've got -- I've got a lot to figure out.
Katie: Yeah. Fine. Well, I'm gonna be in the salon downstairs. And then I’m probably gonna go to Bruno’s. Ciao.
Simon: Katie, please wait. Just --
Katie: Oh, Craig. There's about 60 pounds of grapes in your bathroom. So you might want to call housekeeping.
Craig: 60 pounds of grapes in the bathtub. Call housekeeping got it.
Katie: Yep. Great. Well, bye all.
Simon: Katie, please, can we just --
Craig: Trouble in paradise?
Simon: Paradise. Now, that'd be nice.

[Simon runs into Bruno, who is leaving Craig’s Suite.]
Bruno: Hey, Simon. Funny running into you here.
Simon: Yeah, it's hysterical, isn't it? Since I live here with my wife.
Katie: How long have you been standing there?
Simon: Long enough.
Katie: So what'd the doctor say about your stab wound?
Simon: I'll survive. But this -- this is enough for even an uninjured man to beg for mercy.
Katie: So you like it?
Simon: I've never seen you in anything like this before.
Katie: It’s a gift from Bruno.
Simon: What, so you let another man buy you clothes? Clothes that make you look like that?
Katie: Yeah, I'm beginning to think that there's nothing he won't do for me.
Simon: Yeah, me neither. Playing house, stomping on grapes, going on dates. And what, now he's your stylist? It's pathetic.
Katie: You're jealous.
Simon: I'm not jealous! I'm -- I’m whatever.
Katie: You're angry. Another man bought me something, and it's all you can do to keep from ripping it off me with your bare hands. So let me save you the trouble, huh? You want me to take it off?

Simon: Okay, so what? Tell me. Tell me. What's this little striptease all about?
Katie: Well, my hubby's a little jealous and you want me to return the outfit, so --
Simon: Look, for the fiftieth time, I'm not jealous. I just don't like the idea of my wife accepting gifts from sleazebags.
Katie: Oh. Okay, let me get this straight. You don't want me accepting sexy outfits from other men.
Simon: Right, yeah.
Katie: But I can do anything else with him.
Simon: What other -- what other things? What are you talking about?
Katie: You don't like the outfit, but you don't want me naked. You don't want me, but you don't want anyone else to have me. You can't have it both ways forever, Simon!
Simon: Look, Katie, I’m the first to admit that our marriage, it's unconventional. But, please, just be a little respectful until we work things out!
Katie: This part of the "we" has her whole future mapped out. What are you doing? I thought you were only staying until the payday. Well, the payday's come and gone. Is there something else keeping you here?
Simon: No. No, there's not. Nothing I can think of at the moment. No.
Katie: So you have everything you wanted.
Simon: In spades.
Katie: Then when are you leaving?
Simon: Leaving?
Katie: Yeah. You know, the thing you do best, Simon. When are you leaving?
Simon: Not soon enough!
Katie: Tonight?
Simon: Yeah. Yeah, great idea. Tonight. Tonight it is.
Katie: Great. That's when I'm leaving, too. As soon as Bruno says good-bye to Rose, we are outta here.
Simon: Why? Why? Why does he have to say good-bye to Rose?
Katie: Because they are friends from New Jersey.
Simon: Yeah, well, that figures.
Katie: Yeah, it's funny, isn't it? Oakdale's trashiest show girl. If it wasn't for her, I would still not know the true meaning of romance. We're taking off in his private jet. You wouldn't need a lift somewhere, would you?
Simon: No, no. Please, I'd prefer to walk.
Katie: We're going to St. Martin.
Simon: Oh. Oh, another island? Good luck. [To himself.] All right, Rose, you want to play games? Let's play some games.

Rose: And what took you so long to get your rear out here? You fly all the way out here for my birthday. I don't hear a peep one out of you since.
Bruno: Hey, don't blame me.
Rose: Ah, I see. What is her name?
Bruno: She is the wildest little blonde you'll ever meet.
Rose: Oh.
Bruno: Found her at The Lakeview the night of your party.
Rose: Ah, so when do I get to meet the mystery woman?
Bruno: We're gonna flying to St. Martin weekend.
Rose: Well, that little chestnut, huh? So you like this chick?
Bruno: Could be. I'll drop you a line. I'll let you know how it goes.
Rose: You do that. [ front door opens and closes ] Who's that?
Simon: Rose?!
Bruno: Oh, we've got company.
Simon: Rose --
Bruno: Simon? Every time I turn around I run into this guy. You sure you're not following me?
Rose: Oh, wait a minute. The blonde at The Lakeview? We're not talking about Katie Peretti, are we?
Simon: It's Frasier. Rose, Katie Frasier. As in Simon and Katie Frasier -- something your friend here can't seem to remember.
Bruno: Yeah, I remember. But do I care? That's the question.
Simon: Do you really think I’m gonna sit back and let you run off with my wife?
Bruno: Your wife seems to think you will.
Rose: Oh, no, don't say that. Go, go, go, go.
Bruno: I'll talk to you soon, Rose.
Rose: Yeah, yeah.
Simon: Two minutes, Rose. Give me two minutes.
Rose: What? What are you gonna do, huh? You got your little injury there. You're gonna get yourself even more hurt.
Simon: Did you do this?
Rose: Do what? Oh, no, no, no. I don't play matchmaker. You think I'd set Bruno up with Katie? No, I wouldn't put Bruno through that nightmare.
Simon: Look, that is my wife you are talking about!
Rose: Ooh, Mr. Protective, all of a sudden. When did this happen?
Simon: He's trying to steal my wife.
Rose: You want her? You want her?
Simon: No!
Rose: No, all right. That good then, because Bruno -- he's hot. He's nice, and he knows how to treat a lady.
Simon: She's not a "lady," Rose. She is my wife!
Rose: Oh, dear. It's worse than I thought.
Simon: What are you talking about?
Rose: Oh, Cleopatra, Queen of Denial. Listen to me. One thing. I'm gonna ask you one . Are you the only person who doesn't know that you're in love with your own wife?

Rose: Look, do you wanna know how to get your wife back in line?
Simon: No, I don’t. No, don't tell me. I don't wanna hear it.
Rose: If you love her, then you gotta tell her that you love her, because the girl is not a mind reader.
Simon: Yeah, well, I don't love her!
Rose: You're still married to her. You're flying off to never-neverland to save her scrawny butt, and you got that look in your eye at Bruno like you're gonna kill somebody and -- look, if you don't tell her what's in your heart, you're gonna have to kiss her good-bye.
Simon: Yeah? Why is that?
Rose: Because I know Bruno. I mean, I've heard stories. Gets you to the mile-high, and the next thing you know, he's charming your pants off. If you don't tell her how you feel, then you're gonna lose her.
Simon: Yeah, great. Well, thanks for that, Rose. And do us a favor. Keep your friends and your bad advice to yourself.

Craig’s Suite

Katie: Oh, that smug, self-satisfied smile. Whose life did you destroy now?
Craig: On the contrary, my sweet Caterina. You missed a button, by the way. I've found a way to keep an old pal in town.
Katie: Great. Well, guess what I’ve been up to. Packing for my trip to St. Martin with Bruno.
Craig: Hey, Bruno. Well, I hope you kids have a ball.
Katie: I'd rather have your head.
Craig: Why me?
Katie: Simon's leaving town, and it's all your fault. I had him right where I wanted him, Craig, here in town, jealous and half-crazy with repressed desire. And what do you do? You slap him 25 G’s. You may as well just have given him a one-way ticket home.
Craig: I keep my word, it's my fault.
Katie: And how did you keep your word?
Craig: I was just helping you resolve that old floral conundrum -- he loves me, he loves me not.
Katie: It's like getting fashion advice from a nudist. You have no idea what you're talking about.
Craig: Simon had the means to escape. What does that prove? Not that he loves you, but that he's broke. Now that he's got a roll of bills burning a hole in his pocket, and he sticks around, you'll know he's yours and he's yours alone.
Katie: Oh, yes, the old "if you love something, set it free." What if he doesn't come back?
Craig: Then he was never yours.

[Katie and Bruno are planning their trip. Simon walks in and listens, staying out of sight of the two.]
Bruno: Hey, stick with me. I'll show you the time of your life.
Katie: Oh, I can't wait!
Bruno: Into the wild, blue yonder my wild, Tuscan treasure for as long as she wants, and when you’re tired of traveling, just say the word. I’ll bring you back home safe and sound.
Katie: No, no, no. Nothing could drag me back here -- not for the foreseeable future, at least.
Bruno: Good. Are you ready to fly?
Katie: Mm-hmm.
Bruno: Let's do it. [Bruno passes Simon as he heads out the door.] Hey, cowboy.
Simon: So, I haven't heard you laugh like that in ages.
Katie: It's been ages since I had any reason to. And Bruno told me, "you should never cry over something that can't cry over you."
Simon: When was the last time that you cried?
Katie: So when did you say you were leaving?
Simon: As soon as humanly possible.
Katie: You going back to Sydney?
Simon: No, probably Tahiti. You know, white sand, blue skies -- you're welcome to come with me if you want to.
Katie: Some last minute afterthought? I don't think so, especially now that I know what it feels like to have a guy put me first.
Simon: A guy you don't even know.
Katie: Yeah, well, I'm having a lot of fun learning. So I guess this is it, huh?
Simon: Sure. Sure, if this is what you want.
Katie: [Katie chokes back tears] What's not to want? I have a millionaire, and you have your freedom and your money. Don't spend it all in one place.
Simon: Katie, everything we've been through, can't we just – Katie [ Simon turns around to see that Katie has already left. He grabs his bag and runs out the door ]

Bruno: Did you pack that bathing suit i like?
Katie: The grape stomper? Absolutely.
Bruno: Of course, where we're going, you're not really gonna need it.
Katie: Why? What kind of hotel is it?
Bruno: It's not a hotel. I didn't tell you? I have a place down there.
Katie: In St. Martin?
Bruno: Yeah.
Katie: Wow. Kinda like your own island getaway.
Bruno: Are you nervous?
Katie: No. No. It's just -- airports.
Bruno: And getting on an airplane with a man you don't know.
Katie: Oh, ah, well, there's that, too.
Bruno: Katie -- you know what you're afraid of? You're not afraid of me. You like me. You're afraid of yourself. You're afraid to -- to let go.
Katie: Of what?
Bruno: When was the last time you were really happy?
Katie: The grapes were fun.
Bruno: Why? Why were they fun? Because you knew i wanted you. And that felt good, didn't it?
Katie: Yeah. And the grapes between my toes.
Bruno: Katie, you are a beautiful woman. I mean, you tell me, what makes more sense? To bet on a horse that's running away or take a ride on a sure thing.
Katie: Uh, I need to make a call.
[Bruno hands Katie his cell phone and she goes off to make a call. Bruno admires Katie as she walks away and Simon catches up with them.]
Bruno: She's got somethin'.
Simon: Yeah. A husband.

Bruno: Well if it isn't the absent husband. What'd you do, come to see the lady off?
Simon: You mistreat her in any way, I will hunt you down and roll you like a pair of dice. Do we understand each other?

Katie: [on the phone] Simon, pick up. Come on, i know you're there. Simon? All right, i just wanted to say good-bye. I'm at the airport with bruno. And I told you i'm going to St. Martin, and i'm going. And it's gonna be fun. Remember fun, simon? F-U-N? Rhymes with "none," which is exactly what we've had. So, fine. Go, leave oakdale. I won't be there, anyway. Simon, if you leave oakdale, I'll hate you forever.

Bruno: That's cute. You worrying about the wife. Well don't. In fact, i suspect katie's gonna have the best time she's ever had.
Simon: One of these days, you are gonna seduce the wrong woman. You're gonna wind up with a knife in your back.
Bruno: Listen to you. Do you even know which end of the knife works? I mean, I wouldn't want you to cut yourself.
Simon: As long as we understand each other.
Bruno: All right. So she got under your skin. But obviously not enough. So why don't we be gentlemen about this? You go your way, i go mine.
Simon: Listen, katie is not that kind of woman.
Bruno: Yeah? Then why'd you make her your wife? I mean, I know you. That's how you operate. You bring these women in close, and then you steal from them.
Simon: Did katie tell you this?
Bruno: Come on. Who do you think you're talking to? I had you checked out. And frankly, i'm not impressed.
[Katie walks up to see Simon and Bruno arguing]
Katie: Simon.
[Simon knocks Bruno’s bags out of his hand]
Bruno: Why don't you pick that up?
Simon: Or what? What, are you and your boys gonna do, drag me to the alley? You are gonna use her.
Bruno: Isn't that up to the lady?
Katie: Simon! What are you doing here? What's going on?
Bruno: Hey, we're fightin' over you, babe.
Katie: Really? Well, there must be a more civilized way to handle a situation like this, don't you think?
Bruno: So why don't you tell your friend here to go home before he breaks a nail?
Katie: Oh, no, no, no. See, you don't want to talk to simon like that. He's got a very short fuse -- like, no fuse at all, actually. And I wouldn't want you to get hurt.
Bruno: Honey, i could clean the tarmac with this guy.
Simon: You don't wanna do this. You're trying to make a point, but this is not the way to go about it.
Katie: Hmm. What point?
Simon: That -- it's the same point you're always trying to make.
Katie: Yeah, same point that you never seem to get.
Bruno: Kids, we got a plane to catch.
Katie: Bruno, why don't you go get our boarding passes?
Bruno: Baby, we don't need boarding passes. We're flying private.
Katie: Right. So why don't you go get her fueled up, gassed up, tanked up?
Bruno: Right. Five minutes, cowboy.
Simon: What, you're going away with that?
Katie: You have a better idea?
Simon: Listen, you don't even know this -- you don't even know the guy.
Katie: Well, that's why we're going away. To get to know each other.
SImon: What, is that what you call it? Listen, I spoke to Rose about this guy. He's a professional gambler, katie. He could be dangerous.
Katie: Oh, please! Spending a little money never hurt anybody. He's not dangerous. If he wanted to murder me, he could've cut me up into pieces the other day in the bathroom.
Simon: Oh, good. Oh, that's right. Yeah, thanks. That's very comforting.
Katie: Where are you going, simon?
Simon: I don't know. Look, you don't wanna do this. I know you don't wanna do this!
Katie: So i should cancel my trip? Break poor bruno's heart? Stay in oakdale? I need a reason, simon. Anything come to mind?

Simon: All right, fine. Okay, let's lay our cards on the table.
Katie: Mine have been on the table for months.
Simon: Oh, really? What, you want this guy? Some casino rat from Jersey? Who's gonna take you away and -- and --
Katie: And?
Simon: Look, the only reason you are doing this is to make me jealous. You wanted me to come to the airport, to charge down here and try to convince you to stay in oakdale.
Katie: Seems to be working.
Simon: No, it's not. The only reason I'm here at the airport is because I'm leaving.
Katie: Yeah, because you want me to get so upset that I follow you.
Simon: No.
Katie: Well i'm not going to. Simon, i'm going to St. Martin, and you can go wherever you want.
Simon: But you don't mean that.
Katie: Yes, i do. I told you, I'm special. And I am not going to follow some guy around ever again who doesn't want me.
Simon: It's not that I don't want you, it's -- in fact, i've kinda got used to you.
Katie: Oh, that's romantic.
Simon: Okay, fine. All right, you want romance? Then go to St. Martin.
Katie: I am.
Simon: Look, lis -- katie. Just --
Katie: I just want you to tell you feel about me. Just admit it.
Simon: You know how i feel about you. Okay, I, Simon Frasier, I -- I like you a lot, and --!
Katie: Oh, you like me! That's so cool! Bruno wants to lick grape juice from my toes, he wants to lavish me with --
Simon: "Ravish" you, "ravish" you is what he wants. He's gonna -- that's what he's going to do to you, this guy.
Katie: So what? You seem to have this idea that i don't need things that other woman need.
Simon: I know you. I know you. You don't want just sex. You need love. You want love.
Katie: I have love. You love me, you just can't admit it. And that gets really lonely sometimes and boring. So maybe, just maybe, if i go away for a couple days with a guy that likes me, that would be good for me.
Simon: Even if I tell you how i feel, I mean what difference is it going to make? I'm the kind of guy who likes to travel, you know? Pick up and leave at a moment's notice. That bag there? That's all i need.
Katie: So go. Testa dura.
Simon: And what's that supposed to mean?
Katie: Thick head. Don't you think if you were that kinda guy, you would have been gone a long time ago.

Katie: Face it, simon. You're not the kinda guy you think you are.
Simon: What's that supposed to mean? What's that? What am I?
Katie: You're the stickiest guy I ever met. You were stuck on Lily. And now look at you, stuck on me.
Simon: You just don't understand, that's all.
Katie: No, I understand. I do. It's chivalry. You love me, even more than you think you loved Lily.
Simon: If i loved you, believe me, I'd know it.
Katie: Yeah?
Simon: Mm-hmm.
Katie: What would it feel like? Remember when I first met you? And you were moping around Oakdale, pining after some married woman you knew you could never have? I changed that. You had more fun in the last six months with me, your wife, than you ever had with those 2,000 women you seduced.
Simon: Oh, 2,000 -- wasn't it, what, 3 -- 4,000 maybe?
Katie: You want adventure,simon? You're lookin' at it. I'm your adventure. I'm your open road, your blue sky, your last chance. 'Cause, you know, you say that you know women, but I know men. And if they don't grow up, they end up being like my brother.
Simon: Well you're going to have to catch me first.
Katie: No, I'm not. Because you know what, we're through. As soon as i leave this airport with bruno, you and I are done.
Bruno: That's five and then some, cowboy. You ready to go?
Katie: Yeah, let's get outta here.
Simon: Don't do this.
Katie: Have a nice life, simon.
Simon: Katie, you go through that gate, that's it! I'm not coming after you.

Simon: Listen, for a whole year now, I have pulled you out of the fire every time you did something stupid! Like when you got yourself kicked out of craig's, you crash landed a plane, stowed away in malta!
Bruno: You're even more fun than i thought.
Katie: Yeah, you'd think somebody'd notice.
Simon: I swear to you, you get on that plane with this low-rent hustler --
Bruno: Low-rent? Try first class.
Simo: That's it. It's over. You can never count on me again.
Kate: [ Katie grabs Simon and gives him a passionate kiss good-bye ] I'm gonna miss you.
Bruno: Hey, cowboy, you're a fool. No offense.

[ Craig sits alone in the dark, nursing a drink. Katie returns from St. Martin and turns on the lights in the Suite ]
Craig: Must you?
Katie: I didn't know you were there. Sorry. What is with this music? Did someone die?
Craig: Always a possibility.
Katie: Oh, Craig, you can't leave food out like this. We're gonna get ants. Oh, God, you look terrible.
Craig: Nice to see you, too.
Katie: What happened?
Craig: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. By the way, weren't you supposed to be in St. Maarten?
Katie: I was. Well, at least we landed, Bruno and I. But then, I just -- I couldn't, so I told him I had this desperate need to buy a postcard, and I took a left turn at the bookstore, and I hopped on a plane back here - and I charged it to your credit card. I'll pay you back, I promise. So, have you seen Simon? Is he still here?
Craig: Haven't seen him.
Katie: Great! Now, not only did I make Bruno mad, but I lost Simon, too.
Craig: I'm sorry, Katie.
Katie: Well, you should be, Craig, 'cause it's your fault.
Craig: And how is it my fault?
Katie: Because, Ann Landers, you were the one who told me to play hard to get. If I stopped chasing Simon, he would run back to me. Well, he ran away.
Craig: Did you ever consider that he isn't the one? [ Katie tosses a bowl of nuts at Craig ] I take that as a "no."
Katie: He was the one, Craig, only you blew it. Now I have Bruno to deal with.
Craig: Did I say make wine with Bruno? No, I did not. By the way, they have to reglaze the tub.
Katie: Good. I hope you slip in it and drown.
Craig: No, you don't.
Katie: What is with this music?!
Craig: I'm morose. Can't you tell?
Katie: Well, you're laying it on a little thick, don't you think? What happened?
Craig: Nothing. I left Carly alone, except for a word or two to some people I thought I could trust. She objected.
Katie: To what? Nothing means nothing, right, Craig? No phone calls, no visits, no string pulling.
Craig: Well, I pulled a few strings.
Katie: Mm-hmm, and she strung you up, huh?
Craig: She's dating Paul Ryan.
Katie: Barbara's son?
Craig: Mr. Prezioso. Amusing, huh?
Katie: If it was so amusing, you wouldn't be sitting here in the dark listening to torch songs.
Craig: I've lost the will to shine.
Katie: That's pathetic.
Craig: Yes, it is.
Katie: What's wrong with us, Craig?
Craig: Hmm?
Katie: Why won't anyone love us?
Craig: Aw.

Katie: Why did have to leave? Am I so horrible and hideous?
Craig: No, Katie, you're adorable. And any man who doesn't appreciate that doesn't deserve you.
Katie: Well, if he's that dumb, then I'm really stupid, because ever since Halloween, I have been trying to convince everybody that it would work. And everybody warned me -- you and Margo and Henry, and even Simon, himself, said that it wouldn't work between us. And I am so embarrassed.
Craig: For falling in love? Oh, Katie. That should be cause for celebration, you know? You felt something bigger than yourself and you had the courage to put it out there. That's --
Katie: And go make a complete fool out of myself.
Craig: Well, it wasn't the first time. Hopefully, it won't be the last. Remember the Endicott's? You came back from that. And hey, if you can survive that --
Katie: This is way worse.
Craig: No, there isn't a person alive who hasn't been dumped. Trust me.
Katie: You think?
Craig: I know. Listen -- in a week or two, you'll be obsessing on something else. You'll be off and running.
Katie: Yeah, running from Bruno. Talk about obsessed. That man's never heard the word "no."
Craig: Well, then I guess you have to stomp your foot on his instep, although that has been known to backfire.
Katie: No, but you could stomp your foot.
Craig: No.
Katie: Come on, Craig. You're my brother. You're supposed to protect me.
Craig: What, from love? I can't even protect myself.
Katie: So, you help me with Bruno, I'll help you with Carly. Deal?

Craig: Oh, Katie, I'm fresh out of ideas for you.
Katie: Listen, Craig, all you have to do is just convince Bruno that I'll never get over Simon, it's not going to work between us. I've checked myself into a monastery so he could just forget about it.
Craig: Lucky monks.
Katie: Nuns. Oh, a nunnery?
Craig: A convent.
Katie: Yes, see, how good you are. A convent. A convent in Switzerland, no, Zimbabwe. So he should just forget about me.
Craig: Zimbabwe?
Katie: Mm-hmm.
Craig: Got it. And for this I get?
Katie: I go to Carly, and I tell her you're an inch away from slitting your wrists. And it's all because of her.
Craig: That'll make her day.
Katie: Yes. It will. Because even if she doesn't want you, she wants to know that she can get to you. Women are just like that.
Craig: Yeah, I've noticed.
Katie: So she's going to want to come over here and see for herself how much pain you're in. Oh, and you should get rid of this. You're way too distraught to eat.
Craig: Yes. Forgot that in the manual.
Katie: Do you want her back or not?
Craig: No, no, no. Continue.
Katie: Okay. Keep the empty bottles. This is good. Because you can eat, but you should definitely drink.
Craig: Oh, that can be arranged.
Katie: And I love this look. The "not slept" look, you're so distraught you can't sleep. This is good. Don't change it.
Craig: Yeah.
Katie: Women love men in pain, as long as they know they put them there.
Craig: Yeah, I'm there.
Katie: All right. Are you? Because if you're not, this isn't going to work.
Craig: Oh, no, it'll work. Yeah.
Katie: Okay.
Craig: Okay, Zimbabwe.
Craig: Got it.
Katie: Yes. Zimbabwe.
Craig: Yes.
Katie: And don't change. Untuck the shirt a little.

Outside Carly's Apartment

Katie: They are so meant for each other. [ Katie knocks on the door ]
Carly: [ Opens the door and takes one look at Katie ] I don't think so.
Katie: Ow!
Carly: What! What
Katie: My foot!
Carly: What is it with your family and feet?
Katie: Carly, just hear me out, okay? Craig's in really bad shape.
Carly: Well, why don't you go tell somebody who cares?
Katie: It's your fault. I just got back from St. Maarten, and I'm telling you, I've never seen him like this. He's a wreck.
Carly: And this would be my fault?
Katie: He's drinking heavily. He obviously hasn't slept in days. He hasn't shaved. He's just sitting in the dark like a zombie. I'm afraid of what he might do.

Katie: I came in from the airport. I went up to the suite. And there was Craig. I'm telling you, I almost passed out when I saw the kind of shape he was in. I mean it! He was just sitting there. He obviously hasn't showered in days. No shaving. The place is a mess. I'm sure he's been telling housekeeping to stay away because he's been drinking so much. And there's this weird quietness about him. Unless he's quoting poetry. Yes, you heard me right. Poetry. I just don't know what to do. I'm really scared.
Carly: Uh-huh. Well, I gotta tell you, honey. You have to work on your act.
Katie: This is no act! Craig needs your help.
Carly: If somebody sane came to my door and tried to trick me with this ridiculous story, I might be a little insulted. But with you -- I'm just bored. Good night.
Katie: What -- hold on. Listen. If you don't wanna hear this, if you don't wanna help, then that's fine. I'm gonna go to every door in Oakdale, knock it down, until I find someone who's gonna help me. Because I'm going to help my brother, with or without you.
Carly: You know, I know I'm gonna regret this. Katie! Just tell me -- is there even the slightest chance that you're on the level here?
Katie: Yes, of course. Everything I'm telling you is totally true. You know that cool, confident guy? He's gone. Zombie Craig has replaced him, and I wish I was exaggerating, but I'm not.
Carly: And so, of course, you just came running over here. Why is that, exactly? Why, when Craig's in trouble, do I get a phone call? Am I his personal 911 or something?
Katie: No, no. It's not like that at all. In fact, he would be totally upset with me if he knew that I came here. So let's just keep it between you and me, okay? Promise? Because he would never forgive me if he knew that I came today to ask for your help.
Carly: Don't dodge the question, you little ditz. Why did you come to me?
Katie: Where else would I go? We both know that his whole problem is you.

Some Tropical Paradise

Simon: Thank you.
Mercedes: I knew good things would happen tonight.
Simon: Why is that? Are you psychic as well as gorgeous?
Mercedes: No. Just very, very lucky. What about you? Do you have a wife lurking among the palms?
Simon: Uh, no. No, I don't. Well, yes, there was a time. But now, no, there's no wife trailing me or tricking me, claiming she was born to be my greatest adventure.
Mercedes: You need somebody to love you tonight.
Simon: You know, yeah. Yeah, I think you're right.
Mercedes: When you feel that way, you have to do something about it. Fortunately, I'm here for you. Why don't you order another round of that island punch while I powder my nose? I'll be right back.
Simon: I can't wait. I really can't. Damn it! Katie, I miss you.

Carly's Apartment

Carly: I am not Craig Montgomery's problem. Craig Montgomery is Craig Montgomery's own problem!
Katie: You do know he has feelings for you, don't you?
Carly: [ sighs ] Katie -- do you know why he wants me so badly? Because he can't have me. I'm a notch that he wants for his belt, and it's burning him up that he can't have it. That's why he's playing his little zombie game. And because I went out with Paul Ryan, and that is absolutely killing him.
Katie: That's what I'm saying, though. Craig doesn't have the power in this relationship. You do.
Carly: Yeah. The power to run and hide.
Katie: You have the kind of power I'm talking about. Come on, we're both women of the world.
Carly: Yes, women, just not the same world.
Katie: Isn't it amazing, though? That kind of special power we women have over men?
Carly: Oh, yeah, well, I've seen the power you have over your own husband. And that's very impressive.
Katie: There's just a point of no return, when a man can think of nothing but that one special woman. And that woman has a responsibility with that power that she has. I mean, she can't just run hot and cold. That's not very fair.
Carly: Wait a second. Are you actually accusing me of leading Craig on? Because if you are, you can cartwheel yourself right out of here and go back to cheerleading camp!
Katie: I'm not only saying that you led Craig on, I'm saying you did it on purpose.
Carly: All right. That's it. Adios, Barbie.
Katie: Okay, fine. If you don't wanna help, that is just fine. I'm sure Craig will snap out of it or something. Okay, one more thing. Just promise me this -- if you do see him, don't comment on how bad he looks. His ego's been hurt enough already. Okay. I give you, what? An hour?

Outside Carly's Apartment

Katie: Better call Craig and tell him to be ready.
Shanks: Uh, Mrs. Simon Frasier?
Katie: Yeah, that's me. Why? Is there something wrong with my husband?
Shanks: No, I don't know anything about him, ma'am, but you are unrest.
Katie: What? You've gotta be kidding. What are you talking --
Shanks: Charge is grand theft.
Katie: Shanks, come on!
Shanks: You know anything about a stolen airplane?
Katie: Oh, no.
Shanks: You keep your fingernails to yourself, young lady.
Katie: Ow!

Oakdale Police Station

Shanks: Here you go, Detective Hughes.
Katie: Oh, Margo, thank goodness you're here. This bozo wouldn't listen to a word I had to say.
Margo: Good work, bozo.
Shanks: Thank you. I found the perp in an airport rental car. I spotted it --
Katie: It's not a crime to rent a car. And if he saw me at the airport, it's because I just got back from St. Maarten.
Margo: Yeah, I heard you're quite the little world traveler now. In fact, last I heard, you and Henry had chartered a plane to -- where was it exactly?
Katie: It's the same place that Lily was stranded with Simon. It's a little speck in the middle of the water. I couldn't possibly explain the exact location.
Margo: Well, you'd better try, honey, because you're here, but the plane isn't. And where as your car rental isn't a crime, your plane rental has turned into grand theft.
Katie: I can explain everything.
Margo: Yeah, Katie, you always can.
Katie: I did this for Simon. That's why I rented the plane in the first place, Margo. And Henry's the one that crash-landed us there in the middle of nowhere with nothing to eat but mangos. I practically got ravished by some disgusting wild man, and the plane was in a zillion pieces. What was I gonna do? Scoop them up and put them in my purse? Margo, I was dealing with surviving a plane crash. I was looking for Simon's diamond, which I found, and then lost. I didn't exactly have time to worry about what the stupid plane company was gonna worry about.
Margo: Well, guess what, Katie? The stupid plane company doesn't care. They don't care about you. They don't care about your quest for Simon. In fact, they've filed a complaint, a criminal complaint and a bench warrant was issued for your arrest.
Katie: Okay, there's gotta be some way to fix this, Margo.
Margo: Well, there is, yeah.
Katie: Okay, tell me what it is. I'll do anything.
Margo: You pay the company $248,000, Katie.
Katie: Margo, you know I don't have that kind of money.
Margo: Then have a seat while I prepare a nice cozy, warm cell for you.
Katie: Wait, Margo, you don't understand. I did this all for Simon. Every stupid, desperate thing I've done ever since last Halloween has been because I love him, and I just wanted him to love me back.
Margo: Did it work?
Katie: No. And now I'm in jail, and he's -- I don't even know where. He doesn't even know what I'm gonna do time for him again. And if he did, he wouldn't even care.

Katie: Unless you're a really fabulous lawyer, please, just leave me alone.
Bruno: Wow, that guy steered me right.
Katie: Bruno?
Bruno: on, what'd they get you for? Being too gorgeous?
Katie: Uh, no, try stealing a charter plane. I didn't steal it. I rented it and forgot to give it back, in a way. And now the charter company wants more money than I can even count. You're lookin' at a lifer. I did time in Malta, but I don't think I'll ever get used to it.
Bruno: How much do you owe?
Katie: $248,000 and change. It's been a pretty lousy day.
Bruno: Yeah. I had a pretty lousy day myself recently. I got stood up in St. Maarten.
Katie: I know.
Bruno: That's a rotten thing to do to a guy, Katie. You know, when it comes to women, I don't usually get the short end.
Katie: And I'm not used to giving a nice guy a hard time. I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that.
Bruno: Well, luckily, I have a forgiving
Katie: Margo, this is Bruno Portolano. Bruno, this is my sister, Detective Hughes. She's about to lock me up.
Bruno: You've got an interesting family.
Margo: You know, we're gonna have to table that conversation until after I book Katie. Let's go.
Bruno: Detective Hughes? If it's all right with you, I would like to offer a solution to Katie's problem.
Margo: Really? Okay, I'm listening.
Bruno: I'll call the charter company, settle Katie's debt, and you get the charges dropped.
Katie: You can do that?
Margo: Are you aware that this debt is in the neighborhood of a quarter of a million dollars?
Bruno: Yeah, I am.
Margo: Are you sure you want to do this?
Katie: Are you kidding? Of course I want to do this!
Margo: Uh, all right, you can use the phone at my desk.
Katie: Bruno, this is amazing. I don't know how I'm ever gonna repay you.
Bruno: I'll think of something.

Katie: Well, the first thing I'm going to do to repay you is take you to a fabulous wedding. Which, I know, is not much of a payback, but it's a start, right?
Bruno: I'll take it, along with a certain change in attitude.
Katie: What did you have in mind?
Bruno: Well, when I want you by my side, you'll be there. No more games to make your Australian husband jealous. Simon Frasier's history.
Katie: Yeah, he is history. I'll never hear from him again.
Bruno: See that? That's the attitude that needs to be changed. Forget about him. He's gone. 'Cause basically, from here on out, I own you.

Airplace

Flight Attendant: Chicago your final destination?
Simon: Oh, no, just a place to catch another flight.
Flight attendant: Oh, where to?
Simon: Home, actually, to my wife.