Bruno: How much, huh, Katie? You better decide how much you love this guy, and you better do it quick. 'Cause if you don't do what I say, you will regret it.
Katie: No, no, no, please, Bruno, don't.
Simon: Katie!
Katie: Stop it! Stop it! Stop!
Simon: What are you doing?!
Katie: He has a gun!
Simon: I don't --
Katie: You're gonna get killed! Come on, let's go! Come on, let's go!
Simon: Katie, come --
Katie: Let's just go! No! Do not follow me! He'll kill you. I promise -- I've made a lot of mistakes, but I'm not gonna let you get killed. Come on.
Simon: If you take her out that door, I will hunt you down!
Katie: Come on.
Bruno: Take a number.
Katie: I love you, Simon. I love you!
Simon: Katie, what --

A Suite at the Lakeview

Bruno: You know, Katie, I'd pack my bags myself, but since you're so skittish today, and knowing your tendency to flee --
Katie: Would you just let me get on with my life?
Bruno: That would be a huge mistake for both of us.
Katie: Most people would say staying with me would be the biggest mistake of your life. I mean, I'm noisy, and I have a temper, and -- you haven't even seen my temper.
Bruno: Hey, I got the patience of a saint.
Katie: But I'm stubborn and willful, and I spend money like it's water.
Bruno: I'm a big boy. Bring it on.
Katie: Isn't there anything you hate about me?
Bruno: Yeah, there is.
Katie: What is it?
Bruno: That kangaroo you're hooked up with.
Katie: My husband?
Bruno: Look, Katie, a couple months with Bruno, and you're gonna forget all about that guy.
Katie: I can't. I've tried. I'm in love with Simon Frasier. I'm in love with my husband, and nothing's gonna change that.
Bruno: Then what were you doing with me? I mean, what was that? No, no, you know what? A couple weeks back in jersey, it'll be good for you. A clean slate.
Katie: I could be a million miles away from Simon, okay? But he would always be in my mind and in my heart. You don't want that, do you? A Mrs. Bruno Portolano who's never happy, who has this far- look in her eyes because in her heart she'll always be Mrs. Frasier?
[There is a noise and Simon breaks into the room]
Bruno: What the -- ? [Bruno reaches inside his jacket for a gun]
Katie: Simon!
Bruno: No, get over here. [Bruno grabs Katie] Bad move, man. Game over.

Bruno: You just made your last mistake.
[Simon and Bruno scuffle]
Simon: Katie, get the gun! Get the gun!
Katie: I don't know where it went!
Bruno: You gonna send a woman to do a man's job?
Katie: I can't find it, Simon!
Simon: If that's what it takes.
Bruno: What she sees in you --
Katie: Let him go! Let him go or I'll shoot you!
Bruno: You have a gun?
[Simon turns Bruno around and headbutts him and he falls unconscious to the floor]
Katie: Simon! Are you okay?
Simon: I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Are you all right? Are you hurt?
Katie: No, no, no. I'm fine.
Simon: You sure? He grabbed you pretty hard. Are you okay?
Katie: Oh, you were really worried about me.
[Katie and Simon try to revive Bruno by splashing water on him]
Simon: Where's the gun, Bruno?
Bruno: What gun? Hey!
Simon: "What gun? What gun?" The gun. The gun, Bruno.
Katie: We looked all over this place, we can't find it. Where is it?
Bruno: I had to give it back to my cousin Vinny.
Katie: Are you kidding me? [ tosses water on Bruno ] Do you know what you've put us through!
Bruno: Will you watch it!
Katie: I had to leave town! Me, all by myself, no one to turn to, terrified you had killed my husband! [ Throws more water on Bruno ]
Bruno: Watch the suit!
Katie: Terrified I was a widow! Terrified I would never see him again!
Simon: Come on. Get up, get up. What kind of wiseguy are you anyway, huh?
Bruno: I never said I was a wise anything. I know people.
Simon: What? So you are connected.
Bruno: I got connections to connections. Oh, come on, I just did it because of my feelings for Katie.
Simon: For Katie -- yes, yes, my wife.
Bruno: Look, I got the picture, from the lady, not you. Listen, if I ever hear you disrespect her again, and you don't tell her you love her, I'll be back in Oakdale so fast your head will spin. You got it?
Simon: All right. You're still here? I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what, Bruno. Why don't you take your stuff and your connections and get out of here. [Simon throws Bruno out] Because I have a lot of important catching up to do -- with my wife -- if she'll have me and forgive me for being a complete idiot.
Katie: Oh, just shut up kiss me.

Simon: I missed you so much.
Katie: I missed you, too.
Simon: When you ran off, I realized I didn't want -- I just couldn't - I couldn't be without you.
Katie: Simon --
Simon: And I'm never going to take you for granted again. Okay? Everything is going to be different from now on.
Katie: I know.
Simon: I love you.
Katie: Say it again.
Simon: I love you. I adore you.
Katie: Wait, wait, wait. Wait!
Simon: What, what's wrong? What's wrong?
Katie: We can't do this.
Simon: Yes we can, we have to. It would be illegal if we didn't do this.
Katie: Not yet.
Simon: Katie, it's been a long year -- a very long and difficult year.
Katie: I know, it's just -- when the time is right.
Simon: Right? Right now feels pretty darned right, doesn't it? Do you want to wait until we get back to our own room -- more time, more privacy?
Katie: That's not quite it.
Simon: Tell me. Anything to make tonight unforgettable for you. Just tell me.
Katie: I can't make love to you.

Katie: No, no, no, wait. We can't.
Simon: We can't? That's really funny. You say the funniest things sometimes. That's what I love about you. Your unexpected sense of humor.
Katie: No, no, I'm serious, Simon. I can't -- I can't -- I cannot make love to you.
Simon: Yeah, sure you can. Look, I know it's been a long time, but it's just like -- riding a bike. You just gotta get back on and let me refresh your memory.
Katie: No, Simon, don't. Please, it's -- we've probably gone too far already. With any luck, we haven't completely ruined our marriage yet.
Simon: Are you trying to drive me completely insane? Because if you are, you're doing a pretty fantastic job. Look, we've been through so much over the last year or so, so we could end up here in each other's arms. Am I wrong?
Katie: No. No, and I would go through it all over again in a heartbeat.
Simon: Good, so what's the problem? I love you. I am crazy about you. I never wanted anyone more than I want you.
Katie: I've waited so long to hear those words.
Simon: They're just words. See, words mean nothing. Let me show you. I want to show you how much you mean to me.
Katie: No, no, no, no!
Simon: Why not?!
Katie: Because it's not our anniversary yet.
Simon: Our anniversary? Do you want to explain what our anniversary has anything to do with what's going on here right now?
Katie: Okay, last year, Craig's roaring '20s party. You and I playing "to getting to know each other" in the backseat of that convertible.
Simon: Yeah?
Katie: Or is this all just an insignificant, drunken blur to you?
Simon: No! Oh, you mean the anniversary of the first time that we were together?
Katie: Yeah.
Simon: Right.
Katie: The first, last and only time we were together. The night that you initiated me into the world of love and turned this inexperienced young woman into --
Simon: Into a raging --.
Katie: Oh, you remember.
Simon: Of course. How could I forget?
Katie: Okay, so then you'll understand why we have to wait until the anniversary to sleep together.
Simon: Oh, come on, be reasonable!
Katie: If I was, you wouldn't love me.
Simon: Yes, I would. I would love you. I would worship you. I would -- I would carve little statues of you.
Katie: Oh, you sweet, wonderful man. Hands off. Hands off. I'm serious, Simon. If you touch me again, there will be major consequences.

Simon: So I am being told -- no, ordered -- to keep my hands off my own wife.
Katie: Ooh, it's really hard to explain. Okay, remember when I was running away from Bruno and I ended up at that spiritual retreat?
Simon: Yes, yes.
Katie: Okay, well, I was talking to the guru about the first night that you and I made love.
Simon: Oh, really? Just some casual information to share with a complete stranger?
Katie: And she got really, really scared and upset when I told her that it was on all hallow's eve!
Simon: Why are you telling me this?
Katie: Because this is the time of year the spirits mingle with the living. And apparently some of those little spirits are major pranksters. You know, the whole trick-or-treat thing? So while you and I were treating ourselves to each other, these spirits were tricking up our emotional signals.
Simon: Are you sure this guru didn't give you a cup of tea with some really funny-looking mushrooms?
Katie: No, Simon, it's true! Think about it -- it makes sense.
Simon: All right, okay.
Katie: So it's not our fault that we haven't connected until now. But, see, the gateways are opening up.
Simon: The gateways are open right now, exactly! So let's consummate our marriage.
Katie: No, it's not about consummating our marriage. Okay? It's about reliving that first night together. Same time, same place. Except for, this time, we do it right.
Simon: It felt pretty darned right the first time.
Katie: I'm not talking about that. This time, we have to give ourselves to each other with nothing but love in our hearts.
Simon: Katie, look at me. We can do that right now.
Katie: But we won't. We will wait until that fateful night of our anniversary. What do you say, husband of mine? Is it a date?

Simon: And what am I supposed to do till then?
Katie: Resist.
Simon: With what?
Katie: Oh, come on, it'll be fun. You and I will just want to devour each other.
Simon: Yes.
Katie: Every time we see each other, you'll want to rip my clothes off. In fact, being in the same room together will be complete torture.
Simon: Kind of like it is right now?
Katie: Worse.
Simon: What if I can't subject myself to this cruel and very unusual punishment? What if I just can't wait? Because I find you way too delicious.
Katie: Okay. No, no. Too much, too close. No, no, let go.
Simon: I can't, I can't. See, I just can't. Nothing on earth do I want more than you right now. Can you really say no?
Katie: Yes -- I mean, no! I mean, yes, I can say no! See, I'm saying it -- no, no, no, no. No, Simon -- no.

Katie: Oh, Simon, you can't.
Simon: Yes, I can.
Katie: No, you can' no, no, no, no, no, no, you can't. If you can't see the value in honoring our first night together, if you don't care enough to do whatever's necessary to ensure a long and lasting love together, and if I mean that little to you that you have to have me right now? Fine. Take me. Do whatever you want with me.
Simon: Whatever I want?
Katie: I'm at your disposal.
Simon: Look, great, that's real sexy.
Katie: Well, I told you what I want. But if you have to have your uncontrollable cro-magnon man urges and ignore what I want, just have your way with me. Oh, and let me know when it's over.
Simon: Contemplating divorce?
Simon: Yep.
Katie: Hate me?
Simon: Aw, yeah.
Katie: Think I'm a lunatic?
Simon: Absolutely. You're really serious about this whole abstinence till our anniversary thing? It's really that important to you?
Katie: Yeah, it means everything. It's like a symbol. It's like a sacred symbol that in the span of one year, you and I went from a one-night stand to a couple who would do anything for each other. Isn't that important to you, too?
Simon: Yes. Yes, of course it is, but --
Katie: Oh, I knew you'd say that! I knew you would agree! Ah, you are the most wonderful husband in the world.
Simon: Hey, hey, whoa, get -- aren't you forgetting something? None of that.
Katie: You stopped me from kissing you!
Simon: Yes.
Katie: Which makes me want to kiss you a million times more!
Simon: Nope. Nope. Back off.
Katie: The fact that you would do that for your wife, that you love your wife enough to not touch her after months and months of unquenched desire -- mm.
Simon: Don't push your luck. If you're not out of here in five seconds, I will revert back into cro-magnon man.
Katie: Love you!

Simon: Are you sure this is the right road?
Katie: Yeah.
Simon: There was a car behind us after the funeral, and then it didn't turn off when we did.
Katie: Do you know what I heard people saying on their way out of the chapel? "Nice service." As if there could be anything nice about a funeral.
Simon: Don't worry. It's just something that people say, that's all.
Katie: I just can't believe he's gone. One minute, Bryant's here, and the next minute, he's just - I didn't see him enough. Now it's too late. You better keep living, Simon, for at least the next hundred years.
Simon: Where are we?
Katie: Are you mad at me?
Simon: No. No, I'm not. I'm mad at myself. I should've stuck to the main road. The reception at Lucinda's is gonna be over before we even get there.
Katie: Is this because I won't make love with you until our anniversary?
Simon: What? Did I say that? Did I mention anything about lovemaking? Or lack of it?
Katie: I knew it.

Katie: I thought I explained it pretty well. The night we made love last year was a karmic night for us. We need to honor that. I mean, it will be like our own private ritual. We wait till one year from the first time that we made love, and it will ensure our happiness.
Simon: Look, Katie, I've got to be honest. I don't really care what some druid sorcerer says. If you want to do it, we just do it.
Katie: Okay, come on. If you just wait, we can do it once a day or once an hour if you want, just please be patient.
Simon: I have been nothing but patient with you, especially when you ran off with Bruno. After all, apparently, you are my wife.
Katie: Oh, that's very interesting, honey. Now that you finally want sex all of a sudden, I'm your wife, but when I wanted it and you wouldn't deliver, wasn't I your wife then, too?
Simon: Where is the main highway?
Katie: Why don't we just turn around and go home? You probably don't belong at the reception anyway.
Simon: Oh, and why not?
Katie: Dynamic transference, that's what.
Simon: And what's that?
Katie: You gave me your bad mood, and now, you're gonna give it to everyone else.
Simon: Look, I am not in a bad mood. [ Katie begins chanting ] What are you doing?
Katie: Shh. [ Katie chants ] I learned it at the ashram. It's a way of letting go.
Simon: Right. Letting go of what?
Katie: My bad mood, which you gave me.
Simon: But I told you, I am not in a bad mood.
[Katie chants]

Katie: Do you think people have arguments when they're scared?
Simon: People? What people? Whose people?
Katie: Us?
Simon: Yes. I mean, we have arguments when we're scared, when we're not scared, when we're standing up, when we're sitting down --
Katie: I'm serious, Simon.
Simon: So what are you scared about? Tell me.
Katie: You tell me first.
Simon: I was just thinking, sitting there the whole way through Bryant's funeral how easily life can be taken away from us. I just don't want to waste any of it.
Katie: That's exactly what I was thinking.
Simon: Our anniversary is fine, or whenever. Whenever you're ready.
[Katie sighs]
Katie: There's the highway.
Simon: It's about time.
Katie: See how the universe works? We found each other, and then we found our way.
Simon: [smiling] Whatever you say.

Walsh Mansion

Lucinda: Oh, Simon, do you know Paul?
Simon: No. Simon Frasier. And this is my wife, Katie Frasier.
Paul: Katie, long time no see. Congratulations on the marriage.
Katie: Yeah, thank you so much.
Paul: Would you excuse me?
Simon: Sure.

Simon: [to Jennifer] Listening to you speak at the funeral, I got to flashback to you and Bryant at our wedding. You helped me make one of the greatest moves I've ever made in my life.
Katie: You ready to go?
Simon: Why? We just got here.
Katie: I'll get in touch with you soon.
Simon: What's the matter? What's the rush?
Katie: I think that if I don't make love to you in the next couple of minutes, I will burst into flames.
Simon: What about our whole anniversary thing, the karmic night?
Katie: You have made it very clear to everyone here tonight that you're proud and happy to be married and that's all the karma I need. Let's do it. [Simon and Katie walk out Lucinda's front door and run into two women] Aretha?
Aretha: You remember? Far out.
Katie: What's this?
Aretha: The work roster. You were down for feeding the animals and, like, never showed. Very uncool, Starshine.
Simon: Uh, who?
Katie: Starshine. Remember, I went to the commune?
Simon: Wait, wait, I thought that was an ashram?
Katie: Yeah. That was brief, and then, I met a girl named Shatki there, and she thought I'd be happier at the commune.
Simon: Okay. Wait, wait, wait. What was it, Moonshine?
Both: Starshine.
Aretha: At the Organic Plant and Cooperative, we choose our own names. This is Rainbow.
Simon: Well. Very -- colorful.
Rainbow: Why did you split? One of us is all of us. You know that.
Aretha: You took an oath to be a part of the earth family for a lunar year. You wouldn't let us down, now would you, Starshine?

Katie: Okay. Make yourselves at home. Let's see. We can order from room service, and until then, there's all of this to drink. I don't think there's anything organic in here, but what Moon Doggie doesn't know won't hurt him.
Rainbow: He really misses you, you know. He's the one who sent us to bring you back.
Simon: Well, she's not going back with you, okay? Especially to some dude called Moon Doggie.
Aretha: No offense, but your old man is giving off some bad energy.
Katie: He'll be fine if he and I can just talk briefly with him for a moment. They came all the way here. I can't just send them back without at least offering them something to eat.
Simon: Well, if they think you're going to go with them to feed free-range chickens and stir free-range compost, they can use the free-range door.
Katie: Shh! Okay, one hour. One hour, and then I promise you and I will have some very good free-range alone time. Oh, you already ordered from room service?
Aretha: Are you serious? There is not one thing in here with millet or spelt. It's all additives. Luckily, I found a health food store in the neighborhood, and they are lending us a juicer.
Katie: Oh, so you're gonna juice things here? That sounds like it'll take awhile.
Rainbow: Yeah, but when something's really worth waiting for, who minds an extra hour or two?

Katie: Wow, it's gonna be some juice. Look at all those ingredients.
Simon: Katie -- hey, sorry, Starshine. I can't keep up with the changing rules, you know? Touch, don't touch. Make love, not make love. What's going on?
Katie: Oh, okay. I'm sorry. No more rules, I promise. I don't know why I was being so ridiculous thinking that we had to wait for some karmic reason to make love again. I promise, no more rules. We don't need it. We only need each other.
Simon: You mean that?
Katie: Of course I mean it.
Simon: What?
Katie: Of course I mean it! I'm so hot for you right now, I can barely stand it.
Aretha: It's a good thing that this isn't a love potion. Doesn't look like you need it. Chugalug. And if you drink that all down, I will read your fortune.

Aretha: Hey, that's new!
Katie: Mmm, what can I say? Wild.
Rainbow: Yeah. Now, you get your fortune told. Some people read tea leaves. Aretha reads what's left in the glass when the juice is done.
Aretha: Hmm --
Katie: Hmm, what?
Aretha: You're on the verge, on the cusp of something wonderful.
Katie: I know.
Aretha: But you can't rush it.
Katie: I can't?
Simon: Oh, I can. I can't go through this again.
Katie: No, no, no, wait, wait. Simon, you just need to hear the rest.
Aretha: You made a plan, but you abandoned it. Why?
Katie: Was that wrong?
Aretha: When we work the land, we learn to hear the rhythms of life. You were trying to hear the rhythm of yours. Love is beautiful, but the time must be right for celebration when you can't hear the music. Rainbow, we need to go. Our work here is done.
Katie: Well, thank you. Good to see you. Take care.
[Katie sighs]
Simon: Okay. We were gonna make love as soon as they left. That's not gonna happen now, is it?
Katie: Well, you heard Aretha.
Simon: Oh!
Katie: We're on the verge. We're on the cusp.
Simon: Yes.
Katie: We've done everything right. We just need to wait till the right moment to make love again, and then we'll hear the music -- our own music that belongs only to us. Oh, wait. I have to call him before he leaves. [ on the phone ] Burt? Hi. It's Katie Peretti-Frasier. Do you remember me? You remember? Yes, hi. You remember that old convertible Cadillac that Simon was working on last year?
Simon: Forget about it, Katie.
Katie: You what? Who bought it? You have got to be kidding me. No, no, thank you. That's okay. Where there's a will, there's a Katie.
Simon: Why don't you just forget this whole thing? Can we go now next door?
Katie: Do you want our marriage to work or not?
Simon: Well, given the last year, I don't seem to have much say in the matter.
Katie: "H," "h" --
Simon: Wait, wait, wait. You are gonna call up a perfect stranger and ask them if we can borrow their car so we can -- ?
Katie: Consummate our marriage?
Simon: Yeah.
Katie: Absolutely. Besides, we're in luck. This Cadillac lover is no stranger.
Simon: Oh -- oh, you have got to be kidding me.

Al's Diner

Katie: Okay, now let me do all the talking.
Simon: This is insane.
Katie: Excuse me? Who is the one that braved the crazy jungle man and the coral reef full of sharks?
Simon: Yeah, and who lost my diamond and would have starved to death if I hadn't rescued her? Hey, by the way, how's Henry?
Nancy: Katie, Simon --
Simon: Oh, Mrs. Hughes. Allow me.
Nancy: You sounded so urgent on the telephone. What seems to be the problem?
Katie: Mrs. Hughes, so good of you to come. Um, how is your grandson, Chris?
Nancy: He's recovering nicely, thank you. She very nearly ruined his life, or tried to.
Simon: Well, now she's trying to ruin mine.
Nancy: Oh?
Katie: Mrs. Hughes, actually, you are the reason that we're here. Well, your car, in fact. Simon was working on it all last year, and it seems that he thinks there is a tiny problem with the engine.
Nancy: It works perfectly. I had it serviced just last week.
Katie: Well, if we could just look at it tonight, free of charge, Simon would feel a whole lot better.
Simon: Look, Mrs. Hughes, Katie and I -- well, we kind of found ourselves and the reason for getting married in that car a year ago, and we just want to borrow it. Kind of, you know, a goofy reminiscence, and we promise we will return it in the exact state that we borrowed it. It would mean a lot to us.
Nancy: That sounds very romantic.
Simon: Yeah. Well, I am a goner.
Nancy: Well, if you add a cannoli and drive me home, you have a deal.
Katie: Done.
Simon: Oh, yeah. When you order Mrs. Hughes' cannoli, why don't you bring her a fresh pot of coffee?
Katie: To go?
Simon: No. To stay.
Katie: Okay.
Nancy: This reminds me of when my husband Chris and I got together.
Simon: Well, life must have been a lot simpler back then. Tell us. I would love -- we would love to hear how you and Chris met.
Nancy: You really want to hear that?
Simon: Yeah.
Nancy: Well, actually, it's very much like you two. Chris' best buddy, Jim Lowell, was going with my best friend, Claire, and --

In Nancy's Convertible

Simon: I've got to hand it to you, Frasier.
Katie: Oh, please. The only reason we have this car is because Nancy Hughes is a sweetheart.
Simon: And it's almost midnight. Let's get this karmic ritual on the road, shall we?
Katie: Beer -- didn't we have beer last year?
Simon: Yeah, but last year we needed it. Come here.
Katie: Music, music. We definitely were listening to music.
Simon: Okay, okay. The lady wants music. [Rock music plays] Where were we?
Katie: I'm pretty sure it was country-western.
Simon: It doesn't matter what it was.
Katie: No, it does. It does. We have to make this perfect, or else, it's not gonna work.
Simon: Katie, come here. Look at me. Look at me. We have been through so much. We have been kidnapped, jailed, shot at, and here we are. What's the problem?
Katie: I don't think I can go through with this.
Simon: Look, I refuse to believe this. Look at this. Look. We have got everything set up exactly the way you wanted it, and now you can't go through with it? I'm beginning to believe you don't want me at all. I mean, what's going on?
Katie: No no, no. Of course I do. No, I do. It's just -- I'm not like you, Simon. I haven't been with a million people. Just you, and it was last year, and we were drunk. And now we're married, and we're in love, and I'm just -- I'm just -- I'm scared that when we make love again, I'm not gonna be what you want.
Simon: So then, we're gonna have to practice over and over and over and over and over.
Katie: I'm serious, Simon. I've heard about this happening. I've read about it. Some people are just incompatible.
Simon: Okay. All right, so I have been with a lot of women. But hat doesn't mean that I know the first thing about a real marriage or that word that you always use -- that --
Katie: "Intimacy"?
Simon: Yes, that one. I could end up making you as unhappy as you could make me.
Katie: That's supposed to cheer me up?
Simon: No. No, no. Remember when you left the airport to go to St. Maarten, what you said to me -- that you were my big adventure? Well, adventures are full of risks, right? And that's why we like them.
Katie: Yeah, we do like them.
Simon: We love them. Because life without risks is really boring, right?
Katie: So it's worth it, huh?
Simon: It's worth it to me.

Simon: Good morning.
Katie: Good morning. Oh, I haven't slept that well in --
Simon: A year?
Katie: To the day.
Simon: So you don't wanna check in with the guru or phone one of those nuns?
Katie: Why would I wanna do that?
Simon: I don't know. I just don't wanna skip any rituals and invite the curse of the bogeyman into our lives.
Katie: Oh, no, no. The bogeyman took his gold chains and went way back to New Jersey.
Simon: I hate to say it, but all good things must come to an end. We should get this honeymoon suite of ours back to Nancy.
Katie: Know what I think we should do? I think we should buy this, and then every anniversary, we'll spend like we did last night.
Simon: Yeah, who cares? It's only time. We got time -- plenty of time for another road trip down honeymoon lane.
Katie: Oh, but -- the honeymoon's over, baby.
Simon: What? Already? What?
Katie: Well, I mean, it was definitely magical. Definitely magical. I mean, last night was the second-best night of my entire life, but that was just an hors d'oeuvre. Our marriage is the main course. You just wait. I promise you, the best is yet to come.

Craig's Suite

Simon: Ooh.
Katie: Look at all the memories in here. Look, I made these when I was 12. I already have the "P" embroidered.
Simon: Oh, and what's the "P" for, princess?
Katie: Perretti, and now I have to add your initials to it. Look at all this, we have sheets and towels, everything for our new home.
Simon: What are all those books?
Katie: Oh, just tons of cookbooks, how-to books --
Simon: How to what? How to -- karma sutra? Yeah.
Katie: How to be the perfect wife, the perfect friend, the perfect mate.
Simon: What's this one?
Katie: No, no, not that one.
Simon: Why? What's so special about this one?
Katie: It's just -- it's private, okay?
Simon: Okay.
Katie: I have had this journal since I was 7 years old. You know my dad died when I was practically a baby, so this was my way of talking to him. Whenever I needed advice I would write down the question, and I believed that he could hear me. Oh, I wrote down all my dreams in this book. Now they're all coming true. I have a man who loves me, and we're gonna get a beautiful, perfect place to live, and you're gonna get a real job and end every typical day by saying, "honey, I'm home!"
Simon: Okay, wait, wait -- whoa, hey, baby. Define typical, and then define real job.
Katie: Well, you'll get a job, I don't know -- doing whatever it is you realize you want to do to. But you gotta start doing that quickly, because a steady paycheck is nothing to joke about.
Simon: Ah, wait, wait -- whoa, wait. Come here. Look, I love you so much, and I will do everything in my power to give you anything you want, but I --
Katie: That is the same exact way I feel. Oh, Simon, we are going to have the most perfect life in the world.

Katie: I have this book, and it tells you just how to give each other space and how to work out fights. Let me see, arguments, arguments, arguments --
Simon: We don't need a book. Katie, let's -- can't we just talk?
Katie: Just listen.
Simon: Talk, literally.
Katie: Okay, wait, mirroring. Okay, we have to mirror each other's thoughts.
Simon: A mirror is used for checking out your hairstyle, and that's it.
Katie: Okay, Simon I hear you when you say you have concerns about our future.
Simon: Okay, what do you hear, O great one.
Katie: Fear and doubts maybe -- but it's okay, 'cause once you get used to everything it'll be great. I promise. Okay, your turn.
Simon: To do what?
Katie: To tell me what you hear when I talk about our future.
Simon: You already know what I hear. You already know.
Katie: Come on, if you don't try, it's not gonna work.
Simon: Look, okay, it's not so much then what I hear. It's what I see, up here in my mind.
Katie: Well, I can't read your mind.
Simon: Okay, I would give you the world, all right, you know that. But when I picture my life, I do not see time clocks and budget reports and a tie -- a tie -- a tie is what my father used to wear. And what I see when you describe our life is -- I'm sorry, but I gotta be honest, it's kind of scary.
[Simon imagining Katie's view of married life with him a la June and Ward Cleaver with bunnies instead of Beaver]
Simon: Honey, I'm home!
Katie: Welcome home, honey. I missed so much.
Simon: Oh, I missed you, too.
Katie: How was your day as the happiest man in the world?
Simon: Incredible! I happily made an obscene amount of money.
I was voted the happiest man in the world.
And I managed to produce more widgets than anyone in the company before the old time clock had even struck noon!
How was your day, honey?
Katie: Perfect as usual.
Simon: And how's our new arrival?
Katie: Oh, an absolute angel.
Come here, Flickers! Daddy's home.
All of his brothers and sisters just adore them.
Wait until you see them all together.
Wickers, Knickers, Slickers and Bickers, come here, daddy's home.
Oh, and of course my little angle, the original -- Snickers.
[Katie knocks Simon on the head with her book]
Simon: Ow! What was that for?
Katie: For making fun of me.
Simon: Look, I wasn't making fun --
Katie: Simon, I have spent the whole past year studying every little part of you inside and out, and all you see when you look at me is some air-headed cartoon queen with a bunch of furry friends.
Simon: No, I --
Katie: Sometimes you're just -- oh, you're just such a man!

Simon: Okay, fine. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Here, may I have a look at the book? Here.
Katie: Oh, now you want the book? No, forget it.
Simon: Yes, yes, give me the book. Pass it. Where were we?
Katie: Mirroring.
Simon: Oh, yes, mirroring. Okay. Katie, I hear you when you said I was mocking you. Now, why don't you tell me what you believe that I think our marriage should be.
Katie: Okay, I can see it now. A day in the life of the fearless Frasiers.
[Katie imagining life married to Simon a la James Bond]
Simon: Rendezvous at 1,800 hours, confines secured,
debriefing to be downloaded immediately.
[Mission impossible theme plays]
Katie: Hi-ya! Ya! Welcome home, darling.
Simon: That's my cat.
Katie: It's Frasier, Katie Frasier.
Simon: Well, you look --
Katie: Almost as pretty as you do.
Simon: Martini?
Katie: Of course, but shaken --
Simon: Never stirred.
Katie: Is there any other way? How was your day?
Simon: Oh, nothing out of the ordinary.
Spent a few hours at the casino trading passwords with
lesser spies, then a very attractive woman threw me into a
tent full of famished piranhas. Jolly good fun, actually.
And you, my love?
Katie: I broke a few secret codes before breakfast,
and then I was captured and almost painted gold
- all over.
Simon: Oh, behave.
Katie: That guy started such a weird trend.
Anyway, I escaped, as usual, and now I'm starving.
Dinner in Rome?
Simon: Why not? Jet's on the roof. Shall we?
Katie: Let's go. [ending her reverie] So see, Simon, sometimes you have to grow up. Life is not one big international adventure.
Simon: All right, but that doesn't mean that we have to sit here and be bean counters, does it? Look, Katie, we are going to find what works for us. I don't know how, but we will. Okay? And there, there we go. At smile -- that's all the inspiration that I need.
Katie: You mean it?
Simon: Of course I mean it. But you know that change doesn't come without a price. If I buckle down and give us simple life here, then I'm not gonna be the man that you fell in love with. So you have to work out and decide what you want -- the man that you love right now or the man that will give you the life that you think you need.

Katie: Just take good care of it, please, and put it in a safe place.
Bellman: Of course, Mrs. Frasier.
Katie: Thank you.
Simon: You're right, you know. There are all kinds of adventures. Well, there's the shopping mall during holiday season, right? Yeah. Then there's the adventure of the 30-year mortgage. Then there's scaling new tax brackets. That's fun.
Katie: You don't have to say that.
Simon: You, Katie, are an adventure all to yourself. And I want to take you on another adventure, right here, right now.
Katie: Oh, no, where are we going?
Simon: Ah, take my hand. It's gonna be tricky. The terrain can fool you, so you have to hold on tight.
Katie: Oh, no, not the jungle. You know I can't live without indoor plumbing.
Simon: No, this one is a little bit closer to home. I want to do something that we've never dared to do before. We're gonna make love to each other in our own bed.
Katie: Oh, I've gotta warn you, I haven't packed for that trip.
Simon: Well, clothes are optional. Honey, I'm home.

Simon: Good morning, Mrs. Frasier.
Katie: Good morning -- again. You hungry?
Simon: I am starving.
Katie: A-ha. Look what I have.
Simon: Oh, look what you have there.
Katie: Stop it! I don't mean that. I'm talking about this.
Simon: Okay. When I said I was hungry, I meant -
Katie: I know what you meant. Hold that thought and look.
Simon: Okay, so what is this, dessert?
Katie: It's not the dessert. Here. I think that will help you. Look familiar?
Simon: Hmm? It looks like a wedding cake.
Katie: It's our wedding cake.
Simon: We didn't have a wedding cake.
Katie: Yes, we did. Do you think I'd get married without a cake? There was cake.
Simon: The cake? That must have slipped my mind.
Katie: Of course, it wasn't layers and layers of sponge sugar, but it was ours. Now, there's a tradition where you freeze the top of the cake -- in our case, a slice -- and you feed it to each other on your one-year anniversary.
Simon: Okay, but we've got a little bit before our wedding anniversary.
Katie: Close enough. Ready?
Simon: All right, so I get a bit of cake here.
Katie: A bit!
Simon: That's incredible.
Katie: My kisses?
Simon: Yes, that, and that almost a year ago, I made the greatest mistake of my life.
Katie: I was a mistake?
Simon: No. Oh, come on. You know what I meant.
Katie: No, I why don't you tell me?

Katie: So I'm a mistake?
Simon: No. Hey, hey. Come here. Come here. No, that's not what I mean.
Katie: You better start digging yourself out of this one fast.
Simon: Look, the mistake I made was not appreciating you, not showing you sooner how much you mean to me, not realizing that this -- this is where I belong.
Katie: In bed?
Simon: If that's where you are, then yes. Baby, I'm crazy about you. I have no idea what I'd do without you.
Katie: Well, you don't have to worry about that, 'cause we belong together, and that's exactly where we're going to stay.
Simon: That's pretty good cake for a year old.
Katie: Oh, yeah? You like it?
Simon: Yeah. I love it. So what else have you got hidden on ice?
Katie: Oh, bridesmaid's reception, five-piece band -- froze it all when I was 13. I used to have this little porcelain box where I would hide all these little slips of paper with every idea that I had for my perfect wedding.
Simon: Including the groom?
Katie: Especially the groom.
Simon: Really?
Katie: Yeah.
Simon: Okay, what did he look like?
Katie: No!
Simon: Come on.
Katie: No, no, no, no.
Simon: You have to tell me. Please.
Katie: You wouldn't believe me.
Simon: Try me.
Katie: Okay. He was tall, dark and handsome. Definitely exotic, kind of a sense of adventure, and he had an accent, just like you. See, who says dreams don't come true?
Simon: What else did you have planned?
Katie: Everything.
Simon: Yeah?
Katie: Engraved invitations, and a one of a kind ceremony. What the flowers would look like -- the dress, of course. And Craig would walk me down the aisle.
Simon: Oh, God.
Katie: And would be sweet and supportive, and he would say just the right thing when I got nervous. Whoo! Aren't you glad we don't have to go through that?
Simon: Are you?
Katie: I have what matters. Share a shower?
Simon: Yeah. Heat it up. I'll be there in a flash.
Katie: Okay. Who knew showering could be so much fun?

Craig's Suite

Simon: Are you okay? Nice.
Craig: New York, why?
Simon: No, no, nothing. Come on. Can't I wonder what my favorite brother-in-law is up to?
Craig: If I'd known you were such a bad liar, I wouldn't have hired you. What do you need?
Simon: It's about your sister's happiness.
Craig: Ah. I'm listening.
Simon: Well, I wanna give her the wedding that she's always wanted, and since you are her only father figure -- God help her -- I want you to be a part of it.
Craig: Absolutely.
Simon: Great!
Craig: But foot the bill? No. That's your job now.
Simon: Wait, wait. So that's it?
Craig: You got money. Spend some of it on that dream wedding.

Craig: I gave you plenty of money a few of months ago. Why don't you throw some of that --
Simon: It's not even a part, not even a fraction of what you owe me.
Craig: Spoken like a man who's already piddled away a small fortune.
Simon: I have not piddled anything away. I spent most of it hunting down your sister.
Craig: Your wife. You had the ceremony.
Simon: That was -- Craig, that was a quickie. That was a justice of the peace. We can't even remember what we said. She wants more.
Craig: Well, get used to it. In the meantime, why don't you think about getting a job? You know, millions of people get up every morning, go right to work.
Simon: Oh, yeah, and you'd know something about that.
Craig: Simon, I don't have time to discuss the food chain with you at the moment. I have more pressing needs.
Simon: And Craig, listen, Katie's gonna get that wedding whether you like it or not.
Katie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, boys. It's getting loud in here. Is there a problem?
Simon: No.
Katie: Oh, yeah, there is a problem and I know what it is. I miss Bryant, too, Craig. It's times like this that we really understand how much we need each other.
Craig: Yeah, well -- now look, we can talk later. Thank you. We can talk later, okay? I have something I have to do.
Katie: Yes, well, distractions are good sometimes, but why be alone if you don't have to be? Why don't you let me and Simon help?

Katie: Come on, Craig. If you're having a problem, you know you can share it with me.
Craig: You really think you can help?
Katie: Absolutely. If I can get my husband here to realize how much he adores me, I can move mountains. Well, come on, Craig. Why don't you share with me what's going on with you? Obviously, something's bothering you. Or is it someone? Does this have to do with Carly?
Craig: [ showing Katie and Simon the door ] Thank you for dropping by.
Katie: Ah, okay.
Simon: Oh, so he's going to New York because of Carly.
Katie: Well, you know what you need to do, Craig? Breathe. In with the good, out with the bad. It'll come to you, and you will know exactly what to do.
Craig: Thanks for the aerobic tips. But I know what to do.

Simon: Hey. Whoa. [Laughs] what was that for?
Rose: I'll have you know, you just kissed a VP.
Simon: A VP of what -- good for you. Good for you.
Rose: Thank you. I'm very happy.
Simon: I know, you look happy. Why else you smilin'?
Rose: Nothin', just the job.
Simon: Yeah, right. Liar.

Craig's Suite

Katie: Ah, you decided to go to New York, huh?
Craig: Well, I just can't sit here.
Katie: We're in your way, aren't we? I knew it. We're gonna leave, we will, just as soon as we can afford it -- which we can't yet. So in the meantime, is there anything else I can do?
Craig: No, I will let you know.
Katie: You know, I know a really good little ashram in Boulder.
Craig: Well, lucky for me there's plenty of fresh air right here in Oakdale.
Katie: Yeah, but, Craig, you need some sanctuary, some spiritual solace.
Craig: No, I need a way -- I need a way to derail Barbara, Paul and this fashion show in New York without hurting Carly.

Java Underground

Simon: Come on. Not even a tiny, small, little hint?
Rose: Oh, you know. VPs don't kiss and tell.
Simon: Okay. We're getting somewhere. There's been some kissing.
Rose: There has been kissing. That's not why we're here, you know? It's supposed to be a business meeting. You wanted to talk to me about something.
Simon: No. Whoever he is, wherever he is, I'm happy for you.
Rose: Thank you. I'm happy, yeah.
Simon: Good.
Rose: What did you want to talk to me about?
Simon: All right. Well, Katie and I have decided to make a go of it.
Rose: Wow.
Simon: Which is great.
Rose: That's great. I'm happy for both of you then.
Simon: And the only thing is we're living at the moment under Craig's dime, which I hate doing, and the last time I saw Lucinda, she mentioned something about --
Rose: Oh, wait, wait, wait. Say no more. Ms. Walsh owes you for what you did for Holden, Luke and Lily. Don't worry. I'll talk to her. We'll set you up with a nice job, something nice. I'll take care of it.
Simon: That would be great. I'd really appreciate it.
Rose: No problem. Hey, you know what? Let's open a bottle of champagne and celebrate your future with -- Katie.
Simon: Katie.
Rose: Yeah, Katie. [ Laughs ]
Simon: Isaac, the lovely lady would like some bubbly.
[ Isaac, oblivious to Simon and Rose, stares off into space ]
Rose: What's going on with him?

Craig's Suite

Craig: Here's the thing. Barbara's sitting on a chunk of stock which I need, and she won't sell it to me. And as long as B.R.O. is successful, she can hold out. So what do I do? Do I derail the show knowing that Carly's a lot better off working for me, or do I let it go on, getting no closer to my stock and watching Barbara come down on Carly?
Katie: When in doubt do nothing. My guru had that embroidered on her tent.
Craig: Which is why ashrams don't have stock portfolios.
Katie: But they do have really good lotus root tea. [ Knock at door ] Oh, I bet that's Simon. He'll know what to do. Barbara -- actually, Craig --
Barbara: I need to talk to him alone.
Craig: What do you want, Barbara?
Barbara: Leave, Katie.
Katie: You do anything to hurt him, you'll have to answer to me.

[Door slams as Barbara leaves]

Katie: Whoa!
Craig: Will you deliver a message for me?

Craig: Katie, this "do nothing" thing has got possibilities. You just wait for the right opportunities and grab them.
Katie: Hey, can we get room service, me and Simon, while you're away?
Craig: You can get the whole menu if you like. I've got a plane to catch.
Katie: Oh, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Craig: Yeah?
Katie: If I go and tell Jack about Barbara, isn't he going to just run to Carly's rescue?
Craig: Yes, but he'll be too late. Barbara, by that time, will have already done her patented worst. The show will be a disaster. B.R.O. will fail, and I will have my stock.
Katie: But what about Carly? She's going to be upset, don't you think?
Craig: It depends. If I can head off Barbara, I'll be a hero. Carly will be a success and ready to celebrate.
Katie: Yeah, but what if you're too late?
Craig: Then I'll be there for her. Listen, will you wait about half an hour before you go see Jack? That way, he can miss the next flight. Meanwhile, show time.
Katie: Good luck.

Java Underground

Simon: To Rose and whoever plucked her thorns.
Rose: Oh, good one. Will you stop, please?
Isaac: Give it up, Rose.
Rose: Paul Ryan.
Isaac: Mm-hmm, I knew it. I knew it the other night.
Rose: You know, this is why I don't want to get started with this. Please.
Simon: So where now?
Rose: He's in New York.
Simon: And what are you doing here?
Rose: He's on business.
Simon: So?
Rose: "So?"
Simon: So?
Rose: He's gonna be, you know, doing business, not being distracted by me with footsies.
Isaac: All work and no play --
Rose: Exactly! Surprise him. Pack a bag. Walk up on his doorstep.
Isaac: That would work on me.
Simon: It would work for Katie. I gotta go.
Rose: Married man.
Simon: A happily married man.
Isaac: Will you stop campaigning?
Simon: Maybe you'll know what it feels like one day.

Oakdale Police Station

Margo: Jack, that was Katie on the phone. She wanted to know if you were here.
Jack: Did she want to talk to me?
Margo: No, she was on her cell phone, it cut out.
Katie: [running into the squad room] Oh, Jack, I'm so glad I found you! Craig sent me. He's really worried about Barbara.
Hal: What about Barbara?
Katie: Well, she came by to talk to him. I saw her. She was acting weird -- even weirder than usual. It seems she found out something about Carly designing for B.R.O.?
Hal: That's what Stenbeck was doin' at her house.
Jack: I've gotta warn Carly.
Katie: No, wait, don't -- actually, Craig already took care of that. He was wondering if you'd go check on her, on Barbara. He's afraid.
Hal: Afraid of what?
Katie: That she might hurt herself.
Jack: I'll get the car. Margo, you keep trying her at the house.
Jack: I'm going with you. Thank you, Katie. Thanks.

Craig's Suite

Simon: Hey, where have you been?
Katie: Hey. Doing my part for the economy.
Simon: Wow, looks like it.
Katie: You like?
Simon: I love. Thank you.
Katie: Nice. You're welcome. Well, thank Craig actually. I did him a little favor, so he said we could treat ourselves. We have full run of the place while he's gone. We can order room service. And I am going to take a bath.
Simon: Before you do, could you just -- Katie, just sit down one second.
Katie: I hate when people tell me to sit down. What's wrong? Something's wrong. I knew something was wrong. I knew this was too good to be true.
Simon: No, no, no -- no, just shh! Sit.
Katie: Can I just say something? This is starting to look -
Simon: Look, if you keep interrupting, then I'm not going to do this.
Katie: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Simon: Just, just -- breathe, breathe.
Katie: Okay. In with the good, out with the bad. Okay, I'm okay.
Simon: Katie, you're an absolute angel. Any other woman would've tossed me out a long time ago, but you didn't. You hung in there. And I'm so glad you did because you gave me enough time to realize what I really want. And that's you in my life. I don't care what it is or whatever it's like -- as long as you are in it, it's worth it. Katie, will you do me the honor of being my real wife?
Katie: You're asking me to marry you for real?
Simon: Yes. Yes. If you'll have me. I want to give you the wedding that you have always wanted, the wedding you have been planning since you were this high.
Katie: You are so worth the wait.
Simon: I love you.
Katie: I love you, too.

Simon: So, would you marry me again? This time, for real. No rushed wedding vows, no friends and relatives trying to talk us out of it. It will be -- we'll have invitations and traditions and the richest, most fattening wedding cake you've ever seen.
Katie: My dream wedding? You really want to do all that?
Simon: I want to do all that and more. I want to make all your wildest dreams come true.
Katie: Yes! Of course. Of course I'll marry you again -- on one condition.

Katie: The most crucial element of planning a wedding, especially ours, is choosing the right date. We need to get ahold of a numerologist --
Simon: Katie, give me that.
Katie: What are you doing?
Simon: I knew you'd come up with a thousand complications. Everything would be wrong -- wrong time, wrong place, wrong day, wrong country, wrong planet, wrong horoscope, wrong --
Katie: Simon, we need -- we need a calendar.
Simon: No, we don't. We don't need anything.
Katie: How are we gonna plan it?
Simon: Leave everything up to me.
Katie: My wedding?
Simon: Yes. Your wedding, it's gonna be everything that you've ever wanted.
Katie: Yes, well, the wedding I've always wanted includes a day, a time and a place --
Simon: Okay, I'll tell you it'll have a specific time on a certain day, in a definite place.
Katie: You're not gonna tell me anything?
Simon: No.

Katie: Simon, you can't do this.
Simon: Do what? What are we talking about? Oh, the wedding. Look, if I tell you about the wedding then you're gonna find a million ways to complicate it, and your dream is gonna turn into my worst nightmare. No way.
Katie: Yeah, but what if I'm in the wrong place.
Simon: Look, one -- this is what's gonna happen. One day, you're gonna open the door, and there it is. Bam, your wedding, just as you dreamed it.
Katie: That is the most romantic idea I've ever heard. I love it, and I love you.
Simon: I love you, too.
Katie: Well you do, you must love me enough to tell me one itsy-bitsy little bit?
Simon: No, sorry.
Katie: You've gotta tell me something.
Simon: Okay, what am I gonna tell you hmm, all right, your husband's gonna get a job.
Katie: Really? You're gonna go work at Burt's Garage?
Simon: No, I'm gonna go work for Lucinda.
Katie: This has gotta be a joke.
Simon: No, it's not. Look, I want to have -- I want a home, a place where we can be happy, live our own life. What's wrong?
Katie: What are you doing to me?
Simon: Uh -- I don't know, a novel idea -- trying to make you happy.
Katie: No one in the world could make me as happy as you do.
Simon: Terrified, huh? I know the feeling. God, here I am, planning my future with my wife. There's no reason to be upset, okay? This is just the beginning for us.
Katie: Know. But what if --
Simon: No, no more "what ifs" or -- sometimes gotta let go. You gotta take a chance. It's the best thing I ever did.

Katie: Hello?
Craig: Hello?
Katie: Craig, is it safe?
Craig: Is what safe for whom?
Katie: Is if safe for me to come in the room?
Craig: Well, I suppose.
Katie: You're sure I'm not out to spoil something?
Craig: Besides my appetite?
Katie: You know what I'm talking about. My surprise wedding.
Craig: Ah, how could I forget?
Katie: Simon's planning my dream wedding, and you're part of it, so drop the act.
Craig: Oh, fine.
Katie: Okay, just tell me this -- am I getting married this morning?
Craig: I don't know, but I do have an appointment with the woman in my life.
Katie: Who, your accountant?
Craig: Carly.
Katie: Does she know about this?
Craig: You're out of the loop, Katie. Carly and I have graduated to coupling. It's been official since New York.
Katie: You're kidding?
Craig: You're surprised?
Katie: Well, I just figured since Jack did all that troubleshooting at her show in New York, she would have gone running back to him.
Craig: Maybe, but I am the one who straightened things out for Carly.
Katie: That's not the way I heard it. Yesterday's "Intruder."
Craig: He's a bouncer, glorified doorman.
Katie: He looks like a hero to me, and I'm sure Carly saw it that way, too.

Craig: Jack is a cop. Not a bad thing, but he'll never be able to give Carly the undivided attention she needs. I can.
Katie: She's going to be getting plenty of attention, Craig. She's a big name designer now. She has a thriving career. She's gonna be making tons of money. And you're just gonna be the guy she got tangled up with before she became a star.
Craig: Yes, and who's going to pay her?
Katie: B.R.O.
Craig: She had a single job contract. Now that she's a free agent, she'll need connections.
Katie: Oh, yes, and you are the man to give her those connections.
Craig: Ah. A deduction, Mrs. Frasier. So there is something besides air in that beautiful head.
Katie: Yes, there is. There's dreams and desires and hope. There's love, there's romance, and I think it's disgusting that you're playing games to get Carly in a relationship with you.
Craig: What games? And since when did you become Carly's defender?
Katie: She's a fellow woman, and when we fall in love, we want it to be spontaneous and from the heart and head over heels. You're playing games and planning strategies.
Craig: What I'm trying to do is build something with Carly. I don't want just another mindless fling.
Katie: Do you tell her that you love her?
Craig: She doesn't want to be burdened with that right now. She needs time.
Katie: I disagree. I think you need to tell her your feelings. All that stuff's icing.
Craig: You ice your cake. I'll ice mine.
Katie: Fine. Ignore the best advice anyone ever gave you. I have places to be.
Craig: [ noticing the raincoat that Katie is wearing ] Expecting rain?
Katie: I have a ceremony to attend. It could be any time, any place. The elevator doors could open, and bam! A storybook wedding.
Craig: Good luck.
Katie: I'll see you there.

Snyder Home

[Doorbell rings ]
Lily: Holden probably forgot something.
Rose: Oh, Simon.
Lily: Simon? Hi.
Simon: Hi. Oh, I'm sorry. I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
Rose: Oh, no. I was just on my way out. I'm thinking about that job for you, too, don't worry. Don't worry. Thinking about it.
Simon: Thank you.
Rose: All right. Ciao.
Simon: Bye.
Lily: Hey. Can I get you a cup of coffee or -- ?
Simon: No, no, no, no. I'm fine, thanks. Can I come in?
Lily: Sure. Yeah. Everything all right?
Simon: Yes and no. You see, Katie --
Lily: What, did she do something?
Simon: No, no, no. She's done nothing, actually. Everything's great. I'm just having a little trouble planning this dream wedding of hers.
Lily: Oh, you two are gonna get married again?
Simon: Yeah. You didn't -- ?
Lily: No. Great.
Simon: Yeah. We just kind of -- I know it seems crazy. I spent the whole last year trying to convince her that our last wedding was a mistake. Look, I need to go all out. I want to show her how much she means to me.
Lily: Oh, wow. Wow, that's -- that's sweet. Do you have any idea what Katie has planned for this dream wedding? You know, maybe you two should talk about it.
Simon: No, no. There's no -- no, me and Katie are not sitting down together. I don't want her involved. I want this to be a complete surprise, which is kind of why I'm here. I need your help.

Simon: Look, I know there's a lot of reasons to say no to a guy who's asking you for help getting married to another woman, especially when that other woman played such a unique part of our history, so if you don't--
Lily: I'd love to do it.
Simon: You would?
Lily: Absolutely.
Simon: Okay. Wow. That was easier than I expected.
Lily: Knowing Katie, I would say that the ceremony would be the most typical part, so let's see what you have already.
Simon: First, before you laugh, this is not mine.
Lily: You're kidding? Wow. Pink.
Simon: This is Katie's plans for her dream wedding back in the illustrious '80S.
Lily: Oh! Oh, my.
Simon: Yes, I know.
Lily: For the processional, "Like a Virgin." How subtle of her.
Simon: I know. Well, obviously, a few things have changed since then, especially since her time at the spiritual retreat.
Lily: I'm sorry. What did you just say?
Simon: Please, don't ask.
Lily: Okay.
Simon: Okay, I just fear if Katie has a part in planning this ceremony, then we're going to have sitar playing and breaks for yoga and meditation, and the bridesmaids will be carrying incense and playing tambourines.
Lily: You really, finally understand your wife.
Simon: Speaking of bridesmaids, do you know any friends of Katie's? Has she got any?
Lily: I'm sorry. Friends -- no, I don't know any friends.
[Holden and Luke return]
Simon: Hey, Luke, buddy. How are you, man? Long time no see. Wow, look at you. You are growing up like nobody's business.
Holden: Yeah, tell me about it. What's up, Simon?
Simon: Oh, I'm just here because your wife actually is coming to my rescue.
Luke: You are?
Lily: Yes. I'm going to help Simon plan his wedding.

Lakeview Dining Room Entrance

Maitre d': How may I help you?
Katie: I'm looking for the reception.
Maitre d': I beg your pardon?
Katie: My wedding reception. Is it scheduled for this afternoon or this evening? There are ceremonies by candlelight, you know?
Maitre d': There aren't any receptions scheduled.
Katie: Oh, if you're worried about letting the cat out of the bag, don't worry. It's out.
Maitre d': What cat would that be?
Katie: Oh, come on. Nice try. You know what? I have to go. But I'll be back.

Snyder Home

Holden: Hey.
Lily: What?
Holden: You sure you wanna get involved in this wedding business?
Lily: Oh, sure. Yeah, it's the least that I could do.
Holden: Yeah, for Simon. But with Katie, everything she gets involved in leads to a disaster.
Lily: I know. And I'll keep that in mind. Okay? Don't worry. I love you.
Holden: I love you.
Lily: Okay, have fun.
Holden: Okay, we'll see you later. Come on, buddy.
Lily: [ walks back into the living room where Simon is waiting ] Now, where were we?
Simon: Lily, look, if this is gonna cause any friction between you and Holden and your family --
Lily: No, no, no. No. Please, no, I wouldn't even have my family if it wasn't for you and what you did for us in Malta. Please, no, come on. It's the least that I could do. And if Katie wants a wedding, a wedding she shall have.
Simon: Great, and I -- you know I thought this folder would help. But, you know, it seems that the guy's done every ugly job under the sun. You know, the Jack-of-all-trades has finally bitten off more than he can chew.
Lily: Oh, I don't know about that. Since when do you ever give up? The Simon that I know never says die. And I won't let you this time.

Craig's Suite

Katie: This is driving me nuts! Okay, if you were a wedding, where would you be?
Craig: Well, maybe that's Simon's plan. He wants you to hallucinate your dream ceremony.
Katie: Did I ever tell you you're hilarious? 'Cause if I did, I lied.
Craig: Make yourself comfortable, please.
Katie: What are you doing? Why are looking at Carly's B.R.O. Contract?
Craig: I'm keeping her from making a mistake. When she gets back from her interview, I'll tell her.
Katie: You know what? Just forget everything I said about her. Just forget about her. Don't tell her you love her. Get over her.
Craig: Any particular reason?
Katie: Because I just realized that woman is way too much like you. It should be illegal for you guys to be together.
Craig: And why are we so alike?
Katie: Because she can't be trusted. I just saw her downstairs being interviewed by her favorite detective.
Craig: The deuce, you say? Stay here, will you? I'll be right back.
Katie: Hey, if you run into my wedding while you're out, will you make sure I find out about it?
Craig: Yeah.

Snyder Home

[Simon sighs]
Lily: You know what Katie really wants, Simon?
Simon: 90% of the time, I haven't got a clue.
Lily: No, she wants you. All this stuff about bridesmaids standing there in a row -- it has nothing to do with that. What she wants is the man of her dreams to stand up in front of the world to declare his undying love.
Simon: Yeah? Well, I can do that.
Lily: Bridesmaids, flowers, music -- that's just details.
Simon: Yeah, but Katie has spent -- she's spent years planning and dreaming this.
Lily: We all do that.
Simon: Look at this, look.
Lily: We all do it. But what we really want is the man that we love to give us the world.
Simon: Yeah? Well, she's got that.
Lily: What else does she need?
Simon: Oh, come on. We're talking about Katie here.
Lily: Yeah, I know. So why don't you sit down with her and find out what she can't live without?
Simon: Okay.
Lily: And you know what? Remember this is your wedding, too. Right?
Simon: Yeah.
Lily: Anything that you want in particular?
Simon: Yeah. Yeah. I want Katie's friends and family to see her the way I see her. To see the Katie that I fell in love with.

Craig's Suite

Messenger: Hi. I got a delivery here for Ms. Tenney for B.R.O. Designs?
Katie: Why is she getting stuff delivered here?
Messenger: I couldn't tell you, Miss.
Katie: Oh, well, of course. That's how the day's going.
Messenger: If you could just sign right here --
Katie: Okay.
Messenger: All right.
[Phone rings]
Katie: Oh! Hello?
Simon: Hey, baby, it's your husband.
Katie: I love when you say that.
Simon: Hey, you feel like having a little lunch together?
Katie: I'd love to. Why?
Simon: I don't know. Because I'm starving. And I -- I wanna ask you something.
Katie: I do.
Simon: What was that?
Katie: I'll see you soon. Bye. This is it. This is it. Ahh, today's my wedding day! Simon has everything planned. Oh, what am I gonna wear? I want a dress. I want a real dress. Oh, no, he didn't. That sneaky, little devil. "Delivery for Carly Tenney." Yeah, right! Oh, it's beautiful. I'm a bride! Oh, I'm a real bride!

Katie: [ to one of the housekeeping staff ] Ah! My husband and I are getting married today. I know it sounds weird. We were actually married a year ago, but this is the actual ceremony, and it's supposed to be a surprise, but I found out it's going to be today, so I'm asking you, do you have anything blue?

Lakeview Dining Room Entrance

Simon: Hi. Is my gorgeous wife here yet?
Maitre d': No, Mr. Frasier, just her brother. Would you like to be seated at his table?
Simon: No thanks.
Maitre d': Fine. Please follow me.

Rose: You know what? I'm just trying to get some solidarity here. What the heck is that?
[ Here Comes the Bride plays from a boom box as Katie walks in wearing the wedding gown that Carly designed ]
Katie: Thanks for the gown.
Carly: That's my dress from the show. What does she mean, "thanks?"
Katie: Craig, this would be a good time to start walking down the aisle. Oh, I know it's not exactly an aisle, but you know where I need to end up, right?
Maitre d': Mrs. Frasier, we're not set up for this.
Katie: Oh, sorry. Excuse me, everyone. I know this is a little bit of a surprise, but it's supposed to be. I'm Katie Frasier. Welcome to my wedding. Hey!
Carly: Get out of my dress!
Katie: My husband bought this for me.
Simon: Katie, excuse me. What are you doing?
Katie: How do I look?
Simon: You look beautiful --
Katie: Even though the dress is a little long?
Carly: It's long. It wasn't made for you.
Katie: So what if he bought it off the rack?
Simon: I didn't buy it.
Carly: He didn't buy it. It's a one of a kind from my collection, Katie.
Katie: You borrowed a haute couture gown?
Simon: No, I didn't borrow anything.
Katie: Don't worry, I won't get any wedding cake on it, so relax.
Carly: Relax? [ Carly laughs ] She's your sister. Fix this.
Craig: I thought you didn't want me involved in your business.
Carly: This isn't business, Craig. This is a nut job who's gotten her hands on a dress you were supposed to have signed for.
Craig: Well, I don't know how Katie intercepted it, but I'm sure it will get back to you as good as new.
Carly: You just wedding march yourself upstairs and get yourself into another outfit!
Katie: Just as soon as I get married. Okay, should we get this thing started?
Simon: Yeah.
Katie: What's so funny?
[Simon laughs]
Simon: You, sweetheart. Wait a second. Excuse me. Folks, look, please, just go back to your lunches and enjoy. There's nothing more to see here. No more wedding bells, just false alarms.
Katie: Oh, you mean this isn't -- ?
Simon: Yeah. No, not today. No, we're not. Okay, let's get out of here.
Carly: And make sure you hang that dress up! If I find it in a heap on the floor, I'll have her head.
Craig: Well, the wedding isn't today. Now, we have time to settle this contract thing.

Craig's Suite

Katie: What are you doing?
Simon: [ blocks the front door with a chair ] Making sure your brother doesn't interrupt us.
Katie: Oh, no, no, no. If you think even for one minute that --
Simon: Come here, baby!
Katie: -- I'm going to do anything romantic with you, you're nuts!
Simon: Yeah, I may be nuts, but if you were really angry with me, you would've already stormed out the door by now. Ah, ah, ah! [ They kiss and then Katie pulls Simon's ear ] Ow!
Katie: Surprise.
Simon: Ow, what has gotten -- what was that for?
Katie: It's hard not to know what's coming next, isn't it?
Simon: All right, I'm sorry.
Katie: Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was? In front of all those people? Am I supposed to just embarrass myself every day until the day that we get married because I don't know when we're gonna get married, because you don't have the common decency to tell me about it?
Simon: Katie, you're right. You're right.
Katie: I mean, I wanted to be the most beautiful bride that you have ever seen. So forgive me if I'm walking around with my hair and makeup all done in borrowed wedding gowns.
Simon: You win.
Katie: I mean, whoever heard of a surprise wedding? Come on, Simon -- what did you say?
Simon: What? Oh, I said "ow, ow, ow" 'cause you tried to Vincent Van Gogh me. And then I said -- I said, "you're right." And then I said -- yeah, "you win."
Katie: I win?
Simon: Yes. Look, I only wanna give you the most perfect wedding even, not drive you crazy. Okay, so here it is. Listen up. Your wedding is gonna be on --
Katie: [puts her hand over Simon's mouth] No, no, no, don't you dare tell me! I don't wanna know.

Simon: Let me see if I can understand Katie logic here. You don't want the wedding to be a surprise, but you also don't wanna know when or where it is. Is that right?
Katie: Well, that way we keep the laws of the universe in balance.
Simon: Okay, you lost me at hello.
Katie: It's one of the mysteries I learned at the ashram.
Simon: Oh, the ashram. Okay, Katie, cosmically --
Katie: Yes?
Simon: -- You were only there for about four seconds.
Katie: Yell, I'm a quick study. See, this is what's called the law of compensation. If I do something, you have to do something that matches it or the whole world gets out of whack. See, that's what been happening here. So I'm always surprising you. Now it's your turn to surprise me. Just don't make it too big of a surprise, 'cause I don't wanna get married on a sheep station or something.
Simon: What, no sheep station? Oh, no, I'm gonna have to give my Uncle Angus a call. He's gonna be really disappointed. I'm joking.
Katie: Good.
Simon: But I'm not joking about this. Look, our wedding -- I don't know if it's going to fulfill all your wildest dreams, Katie. It is definitely gonna fulfill one of mine.
Katie: What's that?
Simon: To marry for love. To marry a woman so extraordinary that she makes me both proud and humble all at the same time. And I never thought that such a woman existed until -- until I met you. And there has never been a time that I haven't looked into your eyes and known that you have loved me. And I have given you every reason to wonder if that love was ever gonna be reciprocated, but you never flinched. So on our wedding day, I'm gonna give you all the proof that you'll ever need. 'Cause when you walk down the aisle, Katie, I am gonna be waiting for you. And when you look into my eyes and see that love, the love that you see there right now, it is gonna be there, for a lifetime.