Katie: And lift - lift, come on, boys, you can't put out a fire with flabby glutes. And, lift. I guess you can, but no one would watch. Lift. Oh, hey. Are our guys here from New York?
Lucy: They sure are. There's a bunch of them downstairs in the lobby, just waiting to check in.
Katie: Great. And you made sure they all had their own rooms?
Lucy: I double checked myself.
Katie: Thank you. So, how do they look?
Lucy: Well, that actually might be a problem.
Katie: Why? What do you mean?
Lucy:Every single one of them is gorgeous. And built. And gorgeous. And ripped and gorgeous --
Katie: And this is a problem because?
Lucy: Well, they're here to audition for your workout video, right? Well, I just don't see how you're gonna choose one over the other.
Katie: It'll be tough, but -- that's the price of stardom. Oh, did you see Dahlia? I want to thank her for getting them here on such short notice.
Lucy: Oh, wait, wait, wait. There's one more thing.
Katie: What? Okay?
Lucy: [brings out two Dalmatians] This is Pongo. And this is Rebel. Oh, no, wait. This is Rebel - this is Pongo -- and this is Rebel.
Katie: But what does it matter? What are they doing here?
Lucy: Well, they belong to one of the firemen. He said he doesn't go anywhere without them.
Katie: Then why are they with you?
Lucy: Well, the manager wouldn't let him check in with them. So, I told him we would take care of them until the audition, and I snuck them up the back stairs.
Katie: All right, fine. We'll put them in my room. Oh, except --
Simon: Katie, what are these doing -- doing -- never mind. Here, boy. And for you. Consider it room service.
Katie: I can explain.
Simon: I'm sure you can.
Katie: The auditions for my workout video are tomorrow --
Simon: And these dogs belong to one of those firemen down in the lobby.
Katie: Right.
Simon: Right. And -- let me see I'm going to get this. And the firemen are going to be in your workout tape.
Katie: Right. How did -- that was kinda --
Lucy: It's like you knew exactly what she was thinking.
Simon: Yeah, it's kinda frightening, isn't it? And how long are they staying?
Katie: The firemen?
Simon: The dogs.
Katie: No more than an hour.
Simon: Right, an hour. And what if they have to be walked?
Katie: Lucy?
Lucy: Oh, no, no, no. Forget about it. Two dogs at once? No. They'd be walking me.

Katie: Those are the sweetest dogs. They look so cute lying on our bed.
Simon: They are not spending the night, you promised.
Katie: I know. As soon as their owner gets settled in, I will take them back.
Simon: Good. Thank you.
Katie: You're welcome.
Lucy: You didn't leave Snickers in there with those dogs, did you?
Katie: Oh, no.
Lucy: No, I'll make sure he's out of their reach.
Katie: Thank you.
Simon: Thank you.
Katie: So, you really think it's a good idea to use firemen in my workout video?
Simon: Yes, I think it's brilliant. And donating a portion of the profits to a firemen's survivor fund, I think it's great.
Katie: I do, too. I mean, it's the least I can do. I can't believe I'm actually gonna be working with real heroes. It's so great, I can't wait to meet them.
Simon: Good.
[Phone rings]
Lucy: I'll get it.
Simon: Good.
Katie: Good. Are you jealous?
Simon: Of what? The Dalmatians, no.
Katie: Me, firefighters, pulsating music --
Simon: Yeah, well as long as they keep their firehouses in their trucks, we'll be fine. You know, I'm never gonna let you forget that we are married.
Katie: Oh, really? How are you going to do that?
Simon: By creating a fire so hot not even one of the firemen could put it out.
Katie: Hmm.
Simon: A long, slow, smoldering blaze.
Katie: I know, but I have to work early in the morning.
Simon: Then were gonna have to get started right now.
Lucy: Excuse me. We have a problem.
Katie: Oh, no, not Snickers.
Simon: Ooh.
Lucy: Oh, no, Snickers is fine. Our firemen? Not too good.
Lucy: That was the front desk that called. We have a big, big problem.
Simon: Listen, listen, listen, listen. Whatever the problem is with the firemen, it's gonna have to wait right now.
Lucy: I don't think --
Simon: Wait till morning.
Lucy: I don't think it can, Uncle Simon. You see --
Simon: Listen, your Aunt and I have kinda scheduled a little bit private time. And nothing's gonna get in the way of that. Excuse us for one second.
[Knock at door] I'll get that. Yes?
Fireman #1: Good evening. Is this the Montgomery suite?
Simon: Yeah. Yeah, it is.
Fireman #1: Nice place.
Simon: Yeah, thanks. Well, I decorated it myself. But --
Fireman #2: Excuse me?
Simon: Yes?
Fireman #2: Is this the Montgomery suite?
Simon: Yes. Yes, it is.
Fireman #2: Hey, guys, this is it. Come on. Thanks.
Simon: Yeah, no --
Fireman #2: Hey.
Katie: Hello.
Simon: Yeah, come on in. What the --
Lucy: This is what I was trying to tell you. The credit card Dahlia gave me was rejected, so the hotel never held our reservation. And then, I guess, a big group of people came in. So they took up all the rooms. Katie: So, my firemen have nowhere to stay?
Lucy: Well, I didn't know what to do, so I --
Simon: So we're gonna have to get them another hotel room.
Katie: Yeah, but we can't start looking for hotel rooms right now. They need their sleep. They work tomorrow.
[ Knock at door ]
Simon: Now what? Yes?
Fireman #3: Hi. Is --
Simon: Yes! The Montgomery suite.
Katie: Hi.
Simon: All right. Welcome. The more the merrier. Come on in. Take a load off.

Lucy: My dad is not gonna be happy about this.
Simon: Yeah, well, I'm not exactly thrilled about it myself.
Katie: We can't really put them in our room. We barely have room for us.
Lucy: Look, I hate to leave you like this, but I have to get back to my grandmother's.

Simon: What?
Katie: That's okay, hon. I'll see you tomorrow bright and early.
Lucy: I'll be there. Things like this never happen in Montega.
Simon: No, nor Australia. Listen, we've got to --
Katie: I know.
Fireman #4: Excuse me. Do you play bridge? A couple of us are looking for a fourth.
Katie: You know, I never got the hang of it. Sorry.
Fireman #4: I'd be happy to teach you.
Simon: Oh, guys, have you met my wife yet? My wife, yes.
Fireman #5: I'm married myself. You see, bridge keeps us from missing our families when we're at work. Maybe some other time.
Katie: Yeah, definitely.
Simon: Yeah, sure.
Katie: Now don't you feel foolish?
Simon: Yeah, in more ways than you can count. Have you called Dahlia yet?
Katie: No. I haven't exactly had time. I've been a little distracted.
Simon: Yeah, so I've noticed. But don't you think it's a little odd that your so-called "producer" hasn't got a valid credit card?
Katie: I'm sure there's an explanation.
Simon: She is ruining my evening.
Katie: I know, honey. I'm telling you, as soon as this video is over --
Simon: Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait. I have thought of the perfect way to make a dozen firemen disappear. I'll be right back.
Katie: Wait, you're not gonna pull the fire alarm, are you? Kidding. He would never do that. Sorry.

Katie: All right, we now have towels. Anyone? There you go. One. Two.
Simon: All right, guys, listen up. Uh, thanks. Remember to report to the dining room downstairs.
Fireman #7: Is there a problem?
Simon: No, not at all. In appreciation for all your valuable services, the Lakeview chef has asked you all to be his dinner guests.
Fireman #7: Any idea what they're serving?
Simon: What are they serving? Surf and Turf, my man. All the steak and -- [ firemen cheering ] giddyap. Rock and roll. Enjoy your tasty meal.
Katie: Thank you. Have fun.
Simon: Enjoy.
Katie: Well, that was convenient. Looks like they're not the only heroes around here.
Simon: Oh, really?
Katie: Mm-hmm.

Katie: Wait, wait. I wanna know how you did that.
Simon: Did what?
Katie: Got one of the pickiest chefs in the world to give those guys food?
Simon: Well, what makes you think it wasn't his idea? All right, it wasn't exactly free. I charged it to Craig.
Katie: Oh, he's gonna kill you!
Simon: Yeah, well, if he's got a problem with it, he can take it up with Dahlia. That's assuming you are ever gonna see her again.
Katie: Oh, come on, Simon. I told you, I'm sure it was a mistake.
Simon: Shh, shh, shh. We are not gonna waste valuable time discussing Dahlia.
Katie: I know, but I just wanna explain to you -- maybe we should just -- not talk at all.
Simon: Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Please.
Katie: What?
Simon: Not in front of the mascots.
Katie: Oh. Sorry. Oh!
[Laughing - Simon barks]

Katie: You're home early.
Craig: Actually, Katie, about 14 hours late. What's it to you and why are you trying to keep me out of my suite?
Katie: Give me your cell phone. Please?
Craig: Usually I find you making me laugh. But after pulling an all-nighter to get this little rag I call my own to bed, I don't have the patience for --
Katie: I know you're tired. I'm trying to get you to bed, Craig, with the least hassle possible. Okay. Ringer off. Perfect. Simon's sleeping and I can't take another stampede.
Craig: Stampede?
Katie: Yeah. Ringing phones, car alarms. These guys are a well-oiled machine. They sense the smallest emergency and they're off and running!
Craig: Katie!
Katie: We have company. Don't get mad.
Craig: Simon? Have you been using the hot plate again?
Katie: They're going to be working in my video. I didn't have anywhere to put them. I didn't have anywhere to put them. You're mad?
Craig: At the bravest guys ever to set foot in a burning building? No. These guys are national treasures. You, on the other hand --
Katie: I didn't let anybody anywhere near your bed. There you are.
[Craig walks toward his bedroom]
Craig: Katie! [the Dalmatians have taken over Craig's bed]

Firefighter #1: Anybody seen a set of keys?
Firefighter #2: These?
Firefighter #1: Yeah. They're over there.
Lucy: Hi, daddy. You're awake.
Craig: Wonder why.
Lucy: Cranky this morning? Katie, I'm all yours. I have the -- oh my goodness.
Craig: Lucy! Why aren't you in school?
Lucy: She dropped me off to see you. What she doesn't know won't hurt her. You won't tell, will you?
Craig: Have to actually talk to her. Doesn't mean I feel good about you being Katie's assistant.
Lucy: You're being a grump.
Katie: I put some of the guys in your room.
Lucy: Great! I'll wake them up.
Craig: You let sleeping men lie!
Lucy: Daddy!
Katie: I have everything under control now. Guys, everybody, hello! Guys! Attention! Rise already.
Lucy: All right!
Craig: Come on.
Katie: A real hero.
Craig: No, no. That title belongs to all you guys.
Katie: Don't forget your axes -- ax. Sorry about the inconvenience. But I really have to run. Thanks.
Lucy: This is going to be so great, Daddy. I'll meet you downstairs in the lobby. Don't worry. I have everything.
Katie: Thank you. See you later. Hear that?
Craig: What? No.
Katie: I told you everything would get back to normal. Oh! Is that -- I gotta go!

Simon: Yup, that Dahlia is just too good to be true!
Katie: Simon, you're going to totally dismiss her because she made one mistake? There are bound to be mistakes, Simon. It's all part of the creative process. Have you seen the list of shots I wrote up for the photographer? It's completely vanished.
Simon: Just like Dahlia's credit rating.
Katie: If you're not going to help --
Simon: Don't you think it's strange she just swooped in out of nowhere claiming to make you a star?
Katie: You swooped into town from nowhere too, Simon. Did that make you a con?
Simon: Yeah!
Katie: Oh. Whatever.
Simon: Have you seen any real money to back this venture up?
Katie: The money's on "the back end," Simon. All the professionals know that.
Simon: And even know the name of her production company?
Katie: Why?
Simon: Because credit listings are alphabetical. Yeah. I'll just check it out to make sure she's got some kind of bond to make sure that you get paid.
Katie: Why are you really doing this?
Simon: Because you won't ask the hard questions, Katie! I'm looking out for you.
Katie: Really?
Simon: Yes.
Katie: Or maybe you think I'm dumb, have two left feet and a total inability to read the small print.
Simon: No, Katie, it's not you I don't trust --
Katie: But since I trust Dahlia, she can't be what she seems. This is my video, so it can't possibly be a success. Thanks a lot!
Simon: You've been trying to get me to watch out for you since I've known you, Katie. Now, when I actually want to --
Katie: I don't need you to look out for me. I want you to believe in me.
Simon: Look, I --
Craig: Where's she going?
Simon: Away from me, apparently.
Craig: Smooth. Real smooth.
Simon: Better for her to be mad at me for a little while than by some con. Right?
Craig: Whatever gets you through the night, Simon.
Simon: Nice picture.

Java Underground

Photographer: That's great. Get down on your knees. You on your knees too. Get there. Why don't you sit. That's great. Just like that. Okay. Now, let's see those cheeks. Come on. Let's see the cheeks. No. Not those ones. The ones that -- rosy, when you smile, do you have a smile in there. Don't you?
Whisper something heroic into her ear, would you? Maybe that'll bring out the sunshine. All right. That's it. That's it. Keep whispering.
Katie: Can I take a rain check on that?
Photographer: Okay, that's it. Take five, everybody. What's going on?
Katie: I just wish Simon were more excited for me.
Dahlia: What's wrong, Katie? Can't be the guys. They're amazing, don't you agree?
Katie: Definitely, incredible incredible. I just -- I didn't get much sleep last night.
Dahlia: We need these stills to show the advertisers. The video's not a sure thing till we have them on our side.
Katie: I know. I know. I'm just not feeling myself.
Dahlia: Well, you need to get into it. If my money people hear you were a wash at the photo shoot?
Katie: Who are these "money people" anyway?
Dahlia: Let me worry about that, Katie. Your job is to get happy.

Photographer: Come on, Katie. You love these guys! All America loves these guys. Let's see a little hero worship here!
Simon: You want to talk about worship? Just look at this woman. This beautiful woman. Stunning woman. They should be worshiping her. She's a star, and don't you forget it. I never do. [Katie's face brightens with mega-watt smile.]
Photographer: That's it! This is it! This is what we wanted!
Katie: You're here.
Simon: How could I stay away?
Katie: Simon, I am so sorry I didn't listen to you. What do I really know about Dahlia? Maybe you should investigate her after all.
Simon: Katie -- my sweet. I already have.

Katie: The production company, plenty of coverage.
Simon: But that doesn't mean she's got enough to cover what you're worth. There's no amount of money in the world that can do that.
Katie: Oh, really?
Simon: I'm sorry I upset you.
Katie: I didn't --
Simon: Katie, you are the most important person in the world to me. I'm looking out for you because I love you.
Katie: I know that, and I want to you look out for me. When I said I didn't, I was upset. But I think we should look out for each other. That's what this is.
Simon: Yes.
Katie: You're the best man I know. These guys are heroes, definitely, but they don't hold a candle to you. Hey! You want to be in my video.
Simon: Yeah, sure. I only will if you supply a whip!
Dahlia: Everything okay?
Katie: Yeah.
Simon: Okay. Yeah. I'll be over here.
Katie: He supports me. He really, really supports me.
Dahlia: That's wonderful. Get back up there and smile for the camera so we can make you rich!
Photographer: Okay. All right, boys. Let's do it!
All: Hey, all right! Whew!

Katie: [sitting at a newsdesk] This just in. Shocker! Katie Peretti is no longer an anchor. But don't cry for me, world. [strips down to her workout clothes] I'm married. I'm fit. And I'm surrounded by heroes. [joins the Firemen] They're handsome, gallant, and man, are they strong! So either sit back, relax and enjoy the scenery. Or get up, get moving and get in shape to find a few heroes of your own. Welcome to Katie Frasier's all-new butt-busting workout!
Director: Cut.
Katie: Yes! Thank you, guys. That was perfect. Beautiful, beautiful job.
Firefighter #1: I don't know. I think we might need a little bit more practice. What do you say, fellows?
Dahlia: I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need a moment with the star. Can you spare her?
Director: Yeah, sure. I'll get some opening shots of the firefighters.
Dahlia: Great.
Firefighter #2: But call if you need rescuing.
Katie: Oh, I will, and until then, I am buying a lifetime supply of tickets to the firemen's ball. It's so crazy seeing pictures of myself all over the studio.
Dahlia: "The studio?" Try "the world."
Katie: Come again?
Dahlia: Well, while you've been playing with fire, so to speak, I've been busy planning your career.
Katie: That sounds good to me.
[Simon clears throat]
Simon: Hey, baby.
Katie: Hey.
Simon: Wow, you look great.
Katie: Thank you.
Dahlia: Well, I booked you with Letterman, Gumbel and Oprah, and I've also picked out a photo for the billboard in Times Square.
Katie: No way.
Dahlia: I've also mapped out a promo tour for the releases in Europe and Japan. What do you think?
Simon: Sounds like you're going to be very busy.
Dahlia: Oh, international megastars usually are.
Katie: Hey, did you hear that? We're megastars. Isn't this wonderful?
Simon: Yeah, yeah. I think it's brilliant.

Katie: International megastar? Does that include Australia?
Dahlia: Well, actually, I was saving the best for last, but yes, the Australian release is set for next winter, which is actually their summer, so we'll be getting them right in the midst of their bikini season. You are going to be famous on both sides of the equator and everywhere in between.
Director: Dahlia, I need you to okay this next setup before we light it.
Dahlia: How about green, the color of money?
Katie: This is so incredible. I mean, I've traveled before, but that was with my mom when she was singing on the lounge circuit. Not exactly first class. I'm so excited. People are going to want to interview me. Oh, and Dahlia said that there might be a Katie doll in America's future.
Simon: Katie, stop. Whoa, slow down. Don't you think you're jumping the gun? You haven't even shot the video yet, and you're already counting your greenbacks.
Katie: Well, yeah, I know but Dahlia said --
Simon: Dahlia, Dahlia. Dahlia says a lot of things. What matters is what the public says. If they don't like the final product, then what Dahlia does means nothing.
Katie: What, you don't think it's going to be good?
Simon: I think you are going to be good. I think you are going to be amazing. But you can't guarantee success, okay, no matter what Dahlia promises.
Katie: Are you -- are you jealous?
Simon: No.
Katie: Then Dahlia was right. You really don't believe in me.

Simon: How can Dahlia say that I don't believe in you?
Katie: She's right. You say that you're looking out for me --
Simon: I am looking out for you. Why do you think I checked out the production company?
Katie: Which was totally legit. So why are you acting like you're still suspicious?
Simon: Because I am. All right, fine. Good, the production company checked out, but that doesn't mean Dahlia did. Okay, I'm still working on her background.
Katie: Maybe there's nothing to find.
Simon: Maybe there isn't. Maybe there is. Who knows, okay? We'll see.
Katie: But you're obviously looking for something wrong. Why? Why would you do that? Because there must be something wrong with someone who wants to make me a huge success? That is so insulting.
Simon: You are getting me the wrong way here. Totally getting -- I think you are a spectacular success, no matter what you do. But I know you and dahlia doesn't. Okay, I just think it's suspicious that Dahlia comes in out of nowhere and promises the moon to a complete stranger.
Katie: You're wrong. Dahlia knows a lot about me. She was a fan of mine from WOAK, and you know that.
Simon: Exactly. Look, that's my point. Don't take this the wrong way, but why would Dahlia choose a former small-town news anchor to sell millions and millions of her exercise videos instead of choosing someone with more nationwide name recognition?
Katie: I'm willing to be poor with you. Why aren't you willing to be rich with me? You've had rich wives before.
Simon: I have told you so many times before, I didn't love them. I don't want you to get hurt.
Katie: Then stop hurting me.
Simon: Listen, Katie, just wait for - [Katie walks off]
Dahlia: Did you upset her?
Simon: What? What are you --
Director: Look, we're ready to start shooting.
Dahlia: Yeah, and we don't want our star to be unhappy.
Simon: Fine. All right, I'll leave Katie alone, but not you, Dahlia. We've got to talk.
Dahlia: Later.

Director: All right. Everybody take five.
Simon: Well, looks like we have time to talk now, doesn't it?
Dahlia: What do you want?
Simon: Answers. Why are you telling my wife that I don't believe in her?
Dahlia: Well, you made a fuss about her being in the video. What was I supposed to think?
Simon: That you are completely suspect, Dahlia. So what's your game?
Dahlia: Should I tell your wife that you're harassing her producer?
Simon: What, you're gonna hide behind her now, too? Isn't making her your mark enough?
Dahlia: You know, you might not be able to appreciate this, but your wife has the kind of vibrant personality that translates into star potential. Have you ever heard of something called the "Q" factor?
Simon: Hmm. Uh, no. But I've heard of the BS factor. I've worked plenty of scams, Dahlia. I smelled yours the moment I met you.
Dahlia: Okay, just what would my payoff be? Katie's money? She doesn't have any. Your fortune? Well, you gave her a hat and mittens for Christmas.
Simon: So what are you doing? What, are you -- are you after her brother, is that it?
Dahlia: Well, he's good at looking rich, but that's about as far as it goes. So it looks like we've both checked each other out.
Simon: All right, let's just say for some unknown reason, that you are on the level. What's with all this talk about publicity before the final product? Before the video's even shot?
Dahlia: She'll be fine on the talk shows.
Simon: You're not afraid that someone will bring up the Endicott awards? Or maybe that's it. Maybe you want to build her up to bring her back down again.
Katie: No, Simon. Looks like you're doing that.

Katie: I'm sorry, Dahlia. I didn't realize my husband --
Simon: Don't come in here apologizing for me, Katie. I'm trying to get some answers.
Director: Katie, we're ready -- what's going on? You're all flushed. I'm supposed to be doing close-ups next. I thought you said you'd keep a low profile around here.
Katie: It's okay. Don't worry about it. I never let my personal life interfere with my business, so -- I know the show must go on. That's why I'm going to be a star.
Dahlia: Well, looks like you really blew it this time, Simon. Now Katie's determined to prove you wrong.
Simon: Oh, and that makes you so happy, doesn't it? What do you want from Katie?
Dahlia: Maybe nothing. Maybe all I really want is you.

Katie: These guys use their muscles every day in their work. They're naturally at their best. And you can be at your best, too. Just join us. You ready? All right, let's do this! Ready? March it out. And march. Left, left, left, left.
[Off camera]
Simon: Do I look even close to being available?
Dahlia: It's a clever ruse, I'll admit.
Simon: It's a fact. You see that, Dahlia? [points to his wedding band] Right there? That's a stop sign.
Dahlia: Really?
Simon: Yeah.
Dahlia: Even though I find you unbelievably attractive? And from what I've heard, you give new meaning to the word "available."
Simon: Well, you don't know the first thing about me.
Dahlia: Well, I got some information on you when I checked out Katie. You don't do much to cover your tracks. I mean, you've lived quite a life up till now. A lot of women.
Simon: You know, if I didn't find this so pathetic, it might actually be funny. You're making a video with Katie, and what? You're in here hitting on her husband? That's lame.
Dahlia: Well, the background I have on the two of you tells me a few things. Katie has an ambitious streak that puts Madonna to shame. And you have a roving eye, roving hands, roving heart.
Simon: What do you want?
Dahlia: Satisfaction -- professional and personal. And I think I can get that with Katie -- and with you.
Katie: Hey, what's with all the hush-hush between you two?
Simon: Oh, nothing.
Katie: Honey, listen, I am so sorry that I was so angry at you before. It was ridiculous. I think I was just nervous about the video.
Simon: It's okay.
Katie: So, were you talking about me?
Dahlia: Well, as a matter of fact, Katie, yes, we were.

Simon: I was just setting the record straight with your boss over there.
Katie: About what?
Simon: About being 100% faithful to you. I'm trying to make it clear to Dahlia that I've only got your best interests at heart.
Dahlia: But then again, you aren't a video producer, are you, Simon? I mean, we do appreciate the moral support, but I have to say that I -- I believe I know what's best for Katie's business.
Katie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, you two. Time out. Not that I'm comparing the situation here to the parallel universe of my dreams -- that's the one where everybody loves and supports me, but we're pretty close right? I thought. So can't you two just get along?
Dahlia: Well, that was my point to Simon. I mean, I'm getting along with him just dandy, or I'm willing to -- more than willing.
Simon: Your happiness, Katie, is my top priority.
Dahlia: See, we're both on your team, Katie. You know, you have ambition to burn. I'm just trying to harness the fire.
Katie: Ooh, can I copyright that? We should put that on the cover of the video. You're good with that stuff. She's good, right?
Simon: Oh, yeah.
Katie: Okay, so we're all okay, guys, one big happy family --
Simon: Look, don't worry, Katie, okay? We're gonna work it out, aren't we?
Dahlia: Good. Well, then why don't you two come and take a look at some things we got today.
Simon: Why don't you get everything packed, we'll take the tape home and watch it in bed.
Katie: Ooh, I like the way he thinks. Unfortunately, we can't do that, 'cause the guys really want to see it, and I want to show it to them. We'll just stay here and watch it.
Dahlia: I'll tell you what -- why don't you go have the director cue up the tape, and we'll be right in.
Katie: Okay. Whoo!
Dahlia: So you heard your wife. We're both part of team Katie now. So we have to make peace or she won't be happy, and since her happiness is your only concern --
Simon: You are such a temporary part of Katie's life. Don't go getting mixed up in any team.
Dahlia: Well, let's see, Katie is Mrs. Frasier number what -- five?
Simon: Wow. Very thorough research, Dahlia. You've really done your homework. Do you also know that I like dogs, and my favorite food is chicken?
Dahlia: You know what? This must be a whole new world for you, Simon, actually needing somebody that way.
Simon: Well, it's a pleasure that you will never, ever know that. And Katie loves me more than this stupid video of yours.
Dahlia: We'll see.
Simon: If you come between us, if you even try, you'll be sorry that you ever met me.

Katie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up. You'd better not be watching this video -- oh, I can't wait to see it.
Dahlia: Okay, roll tape.
Katie: Five, six, seven. Out, hit, hit again. Step and knee. And if you have a step at home, you can do it justice.
Dahlia: This is gold. This is pure gold. [ Applause ] This confirms my suspicions. This tape is gonna fly off the shelves.
Katie: Well, it wasn't me, it was these perfect specimen of America's bravest. Thank you guys so much. It looks great. Thank you for doing this with us.
Director: All right, you specimens, I've got call times for tomorrow's shoot. Come on.
Firefighter: Don't make it too early, 'cause I want to go have a couple beers.
Katie: I'll see you tomorrow. Oh, I totally forgot what a thrill and rush it is to be in front of the camera. I'm so grateful, Dahlia. You took a chance on me when no one in this town would give me a job walking their dog. How am I ever gonna repay you?
Simon: Come on, baby, you must be beat. Shall we take off?
Katie: Yeah. Let me just hop in the shower.
Simon: Okay.
Katie: I'm gonna make you so proud of me.
Dahlia: I already am, Katie.
Katie: Thank you. Ow!
Dahlia: So was I right, or was I right? Seems like your wife's ambitious streak is starting to kick in, big-time.
Simon: Oh, is this where you're gonna bore me again with how you're gonna pit Katie and me against each other?
Dahlia: You're looking at this all wrong, Simon. I just want to make dreams come true.
Simon: Really? Well, my dream is for world peace and that you will disappear.
Dahlia: Well, maybe I can give you something that might change your mind.
[Dahlia grabs Simon and kisses him - he pushes her away]
Simon: Back off!
Dahlia: Come on, Simon. You liked it. Just give it some time. Maybe you'll change your mind.

Simon: Hey.
Katie: Hey.
Simon: Look -- listen, we gotta talk.
Katie: No, listen, me first.
Simon: No, Katie, I --
Katie: I am so sorry for before. I just really want you to know how stupid I was being. And I feel ridiculous for it. I am so sorry, and I totally am forgiving you.
Simon: You're forgiving me? Forgiving me for what?
Katie: I know I saw you trying to get along with Dahlia, and you were working really hard at it. And I really appreciate that. I know that yore doing it because you love me more than anything.
Simon: Yes, yes, the love part -- the love part is true. But, listen, about Dahlia --
Katie: I know she's hard-nosed. She's totally hard-nosed. She's a hard-nosed businesswoman. She's hard to get along with. She rubs people the wrong way. But you are doing it beautifully, and I love you for that.
Simon: Listen, listen, listen, I meant what I said before about wanting to make you happy, all right? Happy in life, happy with me. The thing is, with Dahlia --
Katie: I am so happy. That's what you don't understand, honey.
Simon: No, listen to me.
Katie: I am happy. I'm happy with you and my life and my future and the video. I've never been happier in my life, and it's all because of my beautiful husband. Okay, I have to go.
Simon: Where do you have to go? Wait, wait, listen.
Katie: Oh, I forgot to tell you -- I'm supposed to help Lucy move. She's moving out of Lucinda's, back into Craig's, and I have to move her stuff.
Simon: Wait. What? You have to do this tonight?
Katie: Yeah. She's been so good to me. I owe her that much at least. I love having a little protégé, it's great. Ah! I love this life. I cannot believe that it's mine. I'll see you at home, okay? Wear something sexy.

Katie: Oh, watch out for that lady getting out of her car. Just don't get too close. Nice job.
Lucy: You seem nervous.
Katie: Me? No. Okay, yeah. When I said I'd give you a driving lesson, I figured it would be during the daytime.
Lucy: I know I've been a pain with all the begging and pleading, but I've just been so bored, Aunt Katie. I mean, if I don't have a little bit of excitement, I'm going to burst.
Katie: Well, even so, let's just wrap this up pretty soon, okay?
Lucy: There's hardly any traffic. Doesn't that make it easier to learn?
Katie: All right. Ten more minutes, but that's it.
Lucy: Okay. Can I tell you something private?
Katie: Yes, as long as you keep your eyes on the road.
Lucy: Well, ever since I was a little girl, I thought my grandmother was the scariest person in the world. Not that I didn't love her -- I did -- but she was always so, you know, larger than life.
Katie: You don't have to explain to me. I know her.
Lucy: Well, today, for the first time, I talked to her like she was just another person. I told her I wanted to move back in with Dad, even though I knew she wouldn't like it.
Katie: Good for you. That took guts.
Lucy: The incredible thing is that she accepted it -- you know, not without a fight, of course.
Katie: Of course.
Lucy: But in the end, because she knew I wouldn't back down.
Katie: Well, standing up for what you believe in is always the best way to go I say. In fact, I have a wedding ring to prove it.
Lucy: What do you think Dad will say?
Katie: About you moving back in? He'll be so excited. About you learning to drive? I wouldn't mention it until you get a permit.
Lucy: A permit? Do I really need one of those?
Katie: Yes, of course. It's the law.
Lucy: Not in Montega. Besides, by the time I apply for one, I'll be an expert driver. [Tires screech/horn blares] Oh, I think I just went through a stop sign. What should I do?
Katie: Uh -- driving is like life, Lucy. When you make a mistake, you smile, apologize and get the hell out of there fast. Go. Go!

Craig's Suite

[Knock on door]
Simon: Coming. Coming with plenty of lovin' to follow.
Lucinda: Oh, thanks. Thanks a lot, but today you're not my type.
Simon: That's a shame. I thought you were Katie.
Lucinda: Well, I was hoping that you were Lucy. She's here, isn't she? She's here?
Simon: I have no idea where anyone is right at the moment. Sorry.
Lucinda: Well, I was just dropping by because -- her schoolbook, she left it behind at my house.
Simon: Okay. You can just leave it there. I'll make sure she gets it.
Lucinda: Okay. It's Latin. Structure. You are aware that she's moving in --
Simon: Yes.
Lucinda: -- Here? Again?
Simon: I saw her suitcase in the other room and figured she was back.
Lucinda: Yeah. Well, naturally, I tried to dissuade her in every way I could, but she was determined, I mean, having her own suite of rooms and her favorite foods every day and long chats with her dull old grandma didn't cut it in the fun department, apparently.
Simon: Well, things get pretty manic and exciting around here, I wouldn't take it personal.
Lucinda: Yeah, I bet they do. I bet they do. It was a joy -- however short-lived -- to see her bright, shining morning face.
Simon: She's a great girl.
Lucinda: Yes, she is.
Simon: She's a really great girl.
Lucinda: She is. And I don't understand my daughter leaving her -- [sighs] in the care of a degenerate like Craig.
Simon: Craig, yes.
Lucinda: Of course, she doesn't see her dad that way. Because she sees her dad as Prince Charming and Superman, all rolled into one. You don't want to get involved in this by chance, do you? [laughs]
Simon: No, no, I don't want to get involved, thanks. No, I'm not interested, but again, thanks anyway.
Lucinda: Okay. Well, ask her to call me. And please, make sure that the book isn't misplaced in this funhouse. Because it's Latin and she has a test --
Simon: It is Latin and Latin is very important.
Lucinda: It is.
Simon: I will make sure she gets it.
Lucinda: Test next week.
Simon: I'll personally hand deliver it.
Lucinda: All right.
Simon: Whoa! Wait, wait ---
Lucinda: What?
Simon: Wait a second. [finds a note from Katie] This might answer a couple of questions for both of us. It's fine. Lucy is with Katie. Katie is giving her her first driving lesson.
Lucinda: In the dark? Oh, my heavens! For heaven's sake! Not one second is she in this house and it's starting already.
Simon: I going too fast?

Katie's Car

Katie: Why don't you check the speedometer?
Lucy: I can't.
Katie: 22 miles an hour.
Lucy: Should I speed up?
Katie: No, no. This is fine. Ready to head home?
Lucy: Five more minutes? Please? Please, please, please.
Katie: Okay. Okay, let's practice our left hand turns. Turn left at the next street.
Lucy: Okay --
Katie: Don't forget your turn signal. You have to be courteous to the drivers behind you. Both hands on the wheel, slowing down -- very nice.
Lucy: Doesn't that sign mean it's a one-way?
Katie: Yes, actually, it does. That way.
Lucy: What should I do?
Katie: Uh -- turn at the next curb, pull over and I'll drive.
Lucy: Which one?
Katie: I don't know. I'd have to figure out -- oh, no. No, no, no! It's a cop.
Lucy: Are they going to arrest me?
Katie: Yeah, probably, and me too. Pull into the next driveway.
Lucy: The one with the open garage?
Katie: Yes, perfect. Pull in, turn off the lights, and I'll shut the door from behind.
Lucy: But isn't that against the law?
Katie: No. We'll be fine. I've seen it on TV a million times.
Lucy: If you say so --
Katie: No, not the turn signal, Lucy! We're trying to get away from them!
Lucy: But you said I should always be courteous.
Katie: There's no time to be courteous!
[ Sirens blaring ]

[ Craig's Suite ]

Simon: Please, just calm down okay? Listen, don't panic. They're gonna be walking through the door any minute.
Lucinda: That's what we said -- that's what we said about her older brother.
Simon: Okay, wait, wait, wait. Who are you calling?
Lucinda: I'm calling the police. To save her life, I'll get them both arrested.
Simon: Don't do that. That would be a mistake.
Lucinda: It's better than grieving.
Simon: Listen. Okay, listen. Lucy is starting to enjoy herself here, all right? She's feeling confident, and even a little grown up. If you put a lid on that right now --
Lucinda: She might make it to her next birthday, okay? [ phone rings ] Hello? Uh, yes, Miss Montgomery lives here. This is her grandmother speaking. To whom am I speaking? I see. Tell me all about it.
Simon: Who is it?
Lucinda: Uh-huh. I see. Fine. I'll see you down at the station momentarily.
Simon: The station, okay, what happened?
Lucinda: Lucy and Katie have been in a car accident.
Simon: Well, was anybody hurt?
Lucinda: No, fortunately not.
Simon: Okay, that's good. That's good. Then what happened?
Lucinda: Well, what happened was Lucy backed up into a cops' car. That was Officer Shanks. He's the arresting officer. And he is not in good spirits.
Simon: All right, wait, wait, wait. I'm coming with you.

Oakdale Police Department

Jack: So let me get this straight. The girl was driving the wrong way down a one-way street.
Shanks: Yeah, no driver's license. No learner's permit.
Jack: She hears your siren, and she whips into a driveway?
Shanks: Yeah, right into the garage. I pull in behind her -- bam! She backs right into me.
Jack: Breaking the headlights on the squad car.
Shanks: And putting a nice ripple in the front fender. Katie Frasier is asking for Margo Hughes.
Jack: Well, that figures.
Shanks: Well, should I call her?
Jack: No, no, let's see how daddy dearest handles this.
Craig: You sure you're okay? No cuts, no bruises? No sprained ankles? Nothing?
Lucy: I'm fine. I'm fine, Daddy. Why are you in handcuffs?
Craig: Listen, I'm the one asking the questions here. Right now -- and by the way, Ms. Nascar, who are you to be giving driving lessons?
Katie: Oh, I'm fine, too, Craig. Thanks for asking.
Craig: Good, because I want you healthy when I wring your neck.
Katie: Oh, come on! It was a minor, minor, minor accident. It just happened to involve a police car. So what is with the handcuffs?
Craig: That is not your concern. What you should be worried about is what happens when Lucinda finds out about this.
Katie: Lucinda's not gonna be a problem.
Craig: Lucinda's always a problem. And if she does find out about this, Lucy will be on the next plane back to Montega.
Lucy: Well, actually, I'm not staying with her anymore. I moved out this afternoon.
Craig: To where?
Lucy: Well, your place. I figured you wouldn't mind.
Craig: Mind? I'm ecstatic.
Katie: See, so Lucinda's not gonna ever find out about this. You have no need to worry.
Shanks: We've got some paperwork we've got to fill out.
Simon: Katie --
Katie: Simon!

Simon: Are you all right?
Katie: Yeah.
Simon: Are you okay?
Katie: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
Simon: Good.
Katie: Perfect. You know me, panic first and figure things out later.
Lucinda: Figure what things out, Lucy?
Lucy: It's nothing, really. Aunt Katie was just teaching me how to drive.
Lucinda: Aren't you glad that you took all that makeup off now? What's the matter with you, taking a beginner out in the dark to teach her how to drive? Have you lost your cotton-pickin' mind?
Katie: I refuse to answer on grounds that it might incriminate me.
Simon: Yeah, I think she's taking the -- the fifth.
Lucinda: And, Craig, come on, driving in the dark. Come on, with your nincompoop sister -- who's probably a menace on her own on the road -- is this an example of creative parenting? Oh, wait till Sierra hears about this.
Craig: This is not what you think.
Lucinda: Well it's much worse. I'm delighted actually, Jack, that you have brought him in in cuffs. Could you answer me a question please? Why have you brought my granddaughter into the station here for a traffic violation?
Jack: Well, the primary charge is driving without a license.
Lucinda: Well, of course, Lucy doesn't have a license.
Jack: I'm not talking about Lucy.

Jack: Ms. Frasier -- nee Peretti's -- license hasn't been renewed since 1998.
Simon: What?
Katie: Well I tried to renew it, but they wouldn't let me. They sent back my check.
Jack: Yes, with a note explaining that a license that is currently suspended cannot be renewed.
Simon: Suspended? Well, this just gets better, doesn't it?
Lucinda: You took a young girl out on the road when your own license was revoked?
Katie: Oh, come on, it's not like I don't know how to drive. What do you think lawyers do when they get disbarred? They teach other people how to lawyer.
Simon: What's the bottom line, Jack?
Jack: Well, given the charges -- it could be a while before the girls are released.
Katie: Charges? For hitting a fender? Wait, what am I even talking about, I wasn't driving, Lucy was.
Lucy: Oh, thanks, Aunt Katie.
Katie: No, it's not your fault. See, we didn't realize that we were going down a one way street.
Lucinda: Oh, can't read either!
Katie: And when we did realize we wanted to turn around, Lucy executed a perfect 90-degree turn into a residential driveway.
Lucy: Only then, when I put it into reverse --
Katie: Someone had pulled up behind us.
Simon: Katie -- Katie, you hit a cop -- a cop called Shanks.
Katie: Yeah, well, it was just his fender.
Lucinda: I hope you have insurance.
Simon: What's it gonna cost, Jack?
Katie: If you're gonna bribe a cop, don't do it in front of witnesses.
Simon: For the bumper.
Jack: All at once or do you want it in installments?
Craig: Don't look at me.
Lucinda: Nor me.
Katie: Fine, we don't have to. We can handle this on our own. Thank you, anyway. I called Dahlia.

Simon: Okay, so why -- why did you call Dahlia?
Katie: I'm a celebrity. If this gets out --
Simon: A celebrity? [whistles] That's rich.
Katie: The video. Exercise gurus can't get thrown in jail, they can't be behind bars. And I had no choice. You weren't home when I called. I had to call her.
Lucinda: How are we doing, Jack?
Jack: Your granddaughter's free to go.
Lucinda: Oh, good.
Lucy: Well, what about you?
Craig: Jack?
Jack: The department has chosen not to press charges against either of them at this time.
Lucy: So we can both go home?
Lucinda: Oh, honey love, you're comin' home with me.
Craig: Lucinda --
Lucy: It's okay, Daddy. It was my fault, grandmother. I shouldn't have pestered Aunt Katie into giving me a driving lesson. I just wanted to learn. I know you're all scared of me learning to drive because of Bryant. But, tonight, what happened -- I wasn't going fast --
Craig: I'll teach you how to drive.
Lucinda: Oh, good God, you will not! If she's gonna have driving lessons, she's gonna have it with a proper person, a proven driver.
Katie: What about Simon?
Lucinda: The last time I saw Simon behind the wheel, he was nestling in to stay in my foyer. No way. Fenwick -- Fenwick can give you driving lessons, darling.
Lucy: Thank you, grandmother -- I think.
Lucinda: All right, come on, let's go talk to him. He's waiting patiently outside.
Lucy: But --
Lucinda: We'll talk to him and arrange for the lessons, and then I will drive you to your father's, all right? And I think your father will be there.
Craig: I'll be there.
Lucinda: Come on.
Katie: See?
Craig: Let's get out of here.
Katie: I told you this would work out.
Jack: Not so fast, speed racer. Your situation is a little serious.

Jack: Let's see -- disobeying a traffic control device.
Katie: What traffic control device?
Jack: That would be the "do not enter, one-way" sign.
Katie: I didn't see it. What am I saying, I wasn't even driving.
Jack: You were the adult in the car, Katie.
Simon: Oh, no.
Jack: Unlawful use of or damage to highways, appurtenances and structures.
Katie: I know I didn't damage any appurtenance.
Katie and Simon: What's an appurtenance?
Jack: That would be the curb and driveway you took out. Reckless driving -- class-a misdemeanor that can put you behind bars for up to a year. And, not to mention, we haven't even gotten to the driving without a license.
Simon: All right. All right, Jack, we get the picture.
Jack: I don't think you do. A computer search turned up several thousand dollars in unpaid parking tickets.
Simon: All right, what's the cost?
Craig: Not a chance.
Katie: Come on, Craig, I could go to jail.
b>Craig: Katie, Lucinda is on the phone with Sierra as we speak. I could lose Lucy. And if I do, jail may be the safest place for you.
Simon: Listen, Craig, I'll pay you back. I promise.
Craig: With what?
Jack: Say your good-byes, Katie. Bring her down to lockup.
Simon: Call your sister.
Craig: I know. Say, Jack --
Katie: Okay. Call "The Enquirer." Tell them I will sell them my story for -- double the fines, so we can have some left over.
Simon: Listen, Katie, unpaid parking tickets that won't even make the back page.
Katie: I am the sister of the editor of "The Intruder."
Simon: I know you are. And he's already edited you out.
Katie: Oh, come on, you want me to go to jail?
Dahlia: Trouble?
Katie: Oh, Dahlia, I'm so glad to see you. I'm so sorry I had to call you. But I was giving my little niece a driving lesson. She went the wrong way down a one-way street -- you know, teenage drivers -- anyway, they want to put me in jail. How about that?
Dahlia: Don't worry, Katie. I'll take care of it.

Dahlia: So, how much do you need, Katie?
Simon: Nothing, nothing. Thanks, though but, you know, we can handle it.
Katie: Right. Yeah, I'm sorry to bother you. But Simon wasn't home -- but now he's here, so --
Dahlia: Oh. Okay. I didn't mean to intrude. But listen, call me first thing tomorrow. I have some personal appearances lined up for you and we need to go over your wardrobe. Aren't you lucky to have a man to look after you? And such a handsome one at that.

Katie: Are you sure, Simon? It's only a loan.
Simon: We don't need Dahlia's money.
Dahlia: Oh, well, you know what? It's not my money. I'm not that generous. It's Katie's. Yeah. Just consider it an advance on the video.
Katie: Oh, yeah. She's right! I mean, it's not a loan at all, really.
Dahlia: So, how much do you need?
Katie: Oh, let's see.
Dahlia: Oh, all right. Listen, with the amount of money we're going to be making, this is nothing. Unless you have an objection.
Simon: No. Well, it is Katie's money, right? So how could I object?
Dahlia: Great. You know, in a few weeks, you're going to have so much more, you're not even going to know what do with it all. And what's hers is yours. Right, Simon?
Katie: Well, thank you, Dahlia. I'm going to go see if I can pay this up, and we can get outta here.
Dahlia: So where's my thank you?
Simon: Well, it's Katie's money, right?
Dahlia: Handsome and smart. At least smart enough not to tell Katie about our little kiss. You didn't tell her, did you?
Simon: Look, whatever game you're playing, Dahlia, it's kinda boring.
Dahlia: I so love a challenge.
Simon: Yeah, well, keep it up and you will get hurt.
Dahlia: Is that a promise?
Katie: All right. We're all paid up and I can go, if you drive. Is some -- is everything okay?
Dahlia: Yeah, Simon was just telling me how he was going to thank me for helping you.
Katie: She's been so great, hasn't she?
Simon: Yeah, she's incredible. Well, Katie, let's get outta here. This place attracts all kinds of creeps. Thanks, Dahlia.
Katie: Yeah, thanks again.
Dahlia: Any time.

Katie: "If ever two were one, then surely we. If ever man were loved by wife, then thee. If ever wife was happy in a man, compare with me, ye women, if you can!"

Simon: You rule! Yeah!
Katie: Yeah! Thank you. So do you.
Simon: "Always be mine." [Both "awing"]
Katie: So sweet!
Simon: You're amazing, it's like these conversational hearts are psychic. This one, too. Oh, what do we have here? The all too rare double heart.
Katie: How odd.
Simon: And it says -- "Simon Frasier is absolutely crazy about his wacky wife, Katie."
Katie: How on earth did they fit all that on there?
Simon: I don't know. It's amazing.
Kati: Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you never came to rescue me from that island?
Simon: Absolutely crazy question. I mean, you're the one who said from the beginning that we always belonged together.
Katie: I know, but if you didn't get on that plane, and you didn't come to rescue me --
Simon: Well, we would have found each other, wouldn't we?

[Simon/Katie Fantasy]

Fan: That was beautiful. Maybe we can go someplace a little more -- private -- when you finish here?
Simon: I'm flattered, but I really can't.
Reporter: Ms. Peretti, a comment for your fans?
Photographer: Ms. Peretti, look this way. Ms. Peretti.
Dahlia: No, no, no. No photos, boys. And no comment about the seven-figure deal.
Reporter: Seven-figure deal?
Katie: Yes, for the movie rights to my best-selling autobiography detailing my daring escape from a desert island.
Dahlia: And her subsequent rise to fame.
Katie: Okay, no more, boys. You know how tiring these worldwide press junkets can be.
[ Romantic music plays as Simon and Katie's eye meet from across the room ]
Simon: Katie, it really is you.
Katie: Simon?
Simon: You remembered.
Katie: Of course. You were my husband at one time. Although not much of a marriage, I'm sad to say.
Simon: You're right. I was rotten. I should have dropped everything and scoured the Atlantic searching for you.
Katie: Why didn't you?
Simon: I was stupid. You were right all along. We belong together, Katie. I miss you so much. And I love you, I love you more than I have loved anyone.
Dahlia: You're kidding, right? This woman is a major star. She has more important things to do than waste her time with some Australian boy toy. Now Miss Katie, come with me.
Simon: Don't. Stay, stay. Please, stay. I can make it up to you, Katie. I can make you love me again.
[ Romantic music plays and Simon takes Katie in his arms and kisses her ]

Katie: [Katie wakes up and finds a string in the bed, which she follows to find notes from Simon] "I" -- "love" - [Katie opens a door to find Simon holding the last note "you"]
Simon: More than you'll ever know. Happy birthday, gorgeous.
Katie: What is this, a theme? Little, paper notes?
Simon: No, that -- that is very expensive. That is IOU for an after-hours birthday treat.
Katie: Tonight?
Simon: Well, my little starlet's too busy slaving away during the day, yes.
Katie: Well, then I might just have to make it an early night, but I need a little incentive, just a little hint. Nothing big.
Simon: No, no, nothing. No, I'm not telling you -- no, I'm not telling. Don't get too worked up about it. I'm pretty short of cash.
Katie: Hey. It doesn't matter to me. You're my gift. You know that. Let me tell you something about your next birthday.
Simon: Mm-hmm?
Katie: Assuming that I'm making as much on this video as Dahlia promises, I'm taking you to Tuscany. Wouldn't that be cool?
Simon: Cool is being anywhere that you are.
Katie: I really do want you beside me. We're really making a go of it. We're compromising, we're supporting each other, I bend, you bend, you, me, no matter what.
Simon: That's it.
Katie: You agree?
Simon: Yes.
Katie: Then why do you cringe every time I mention Dahlia's name still?
Simon: Please, Katie, this is your birthday. Can we not mention Dahlia?
Katie: I just thought you were over this weirdness with her.
Simon: Look, I just don't like the games that she plays, all right? She's using you.
Katie: Yeah, I know. So use me all you want, as long as it's taking me to the bank. If I'm getting money and I don't care, then why do you care what games she's playing?
Simon: Because the game that Dahlia plays is called "let's break up Simon and Katie."

Simon: Oh yeah, "Katie's going to be rolling around in her dough, and you, Simon, are going to amount to exactly zero."
Katie: Dahlia actually said that?
Simon: No, not in so many words, but it's pretty clear what she meant, and it's really starting to tick me off.
Katie: I know she's clumsy about it, but she has the best intentions. If you would just get to know her, and she would get to know you --
Simon: No, no, no. Listen, Katie. I know 1,000 Dahlias, and this particular one, I don't care to know any more.
Katie: Come on, if you guys just spent a little quality time together, I know that you would get rid of these bad feelings.
Simon: More time with her?
Katie: Yeah.
Simon: No, I don't think so.
Katie: Okay. Can't you just try?
Simon: You want to know why I can't go within 50 meters of Dahlia, Katie? Do you want to know? Because she made a pass at me. [Katie laughs] What? I'm serious.
Katie: When?
Simon: The other day, at the studio. Yeah, without any warning whatsoever, she just leans in and tries to kiss me.
Katie: Oh, really? And why didn't you tell me?
Simon: Well, I thought about it, but you seemed so excited, I didn't want to spoil your day. I told Dahlia how I felt in no uncertain terms and figured that was the end of it. Look, I'm sorry, okay? Maybe I shouldn't have told you. All right? Continue to work for this woman if you want, but I -- I want nothing more to do with her.
Katie: Okay, why tell me now?
Simon: Because I don't want any secrets to be between us. I also want to know the type of person that you are trusting.
Katie: She really did kiss you, didn't she?
Simon: Yes.
Katie: And what did you do?
Simon: Well, I proposed to her. What do you think? I told her how much I loved you and told her to back off.
Katie: And what did she say?
Simon: She's so convinced that she has got you squarely in the palm of her hand, she doesn't really care what I said.
Katie: Oh, I don't believe this!
Simon: What, you don't believe me, or -- [Katie reaches up and kisses him deeply]
Katie: Does that answer your question? [picks up the phone and calls Dahlia] Dahlia? Hi, it's Katie. Listen, I need you to come over to my place as soon as possible. Yeah, The Lakeview.
Simon: She's gonna flash loads of cash at you, remind you that you're under contract.
Katie: Keep me under -- that witch put her hands on my husband. She'll be lucky if I let her keep her head.

Simon: So what are you gonna do?
Katie: Well, first, I'm gonna let Dahlia know where she can shove her stupid video, and then I'm gonna rip her apart with every muscle in my body.
Simon: Listen, Katie, no matter how much I do not trust her, you have worked too hard on this to throw it all away. All right? Do the video, make a bucket full of cash, give a portion to the firefighters. Listen, look at me. Just know that Dahlia has hidden agendas.
Katie: I can't go through with this knowing that she kissed you.
Simon: Think of it as a business venture, all right? All business ventures have cutthroat aspects.
Katie: Thank you for reminding me. I'm gonna slit her throat.
Simon: Okay, put the knife down just for now, okay? Don't go throwing away the chance of a lifetime just to pro much you love me.
Katie: I know I don't have to, Simon, but I really, really want to, because I want you to know how much I love you way more than this stupid video --
Simon: I know, I know --
Katie: -- Or money or fame. It's not worth it.
Simon: I know. Okay? And what I'm saying is it's fine with me, going into business with Dahlia. This is my whole point from the beginning. Just understand the type of person you are dealing with.
Katie: She's gonna deny everything.
Simon: Probably.
Katie: Which will prove that she's a liar and a hootch. [Knock at door] okay, that's her.
Simon: No violence.
Katie: No promises.
Simon: Ah, Dahlia.
Dahlia: Hello, Simon. So what's wrong with my little starlet?
Simon: You want me to stay?
Katie: No. I can handle this.
Simon: I know you can.
Katie: So my husband tells me that you kissed him.
Dahlia: Well, guilty as charged.

Oakdale Police Department

Margo: Hi, Simon.
Simon: Margo.
Margo: Hey can you field phone calls, maybe type a few reports? How about you take the detective's exam? I've been swamped.
Simon: Okay, bad time to ask for a favor, then?
Margo: Yeah. Not a good time, brother-in-law. Listen, I got otherwise law-abiding citizens taking potshots at anything that even remotely resembles James Stenbeck. I have got three, possibly four, kidnappings on my plate and an ever-dwindling pool of detectives here.
Simon: The favor is for Katie.
Margo: For Katie? Is it Katie's birthday? No, it isn't. Yes, it is. It might be -- you know what? I don't know -- where's my bag? Listen, you know what, Simon? I'm gonna give you money, I'll go halves on something
Simon: No, it's not that. It's not that. Although I will take the money - joking. Look, I need a background check on the woman Katie's working for.
Margo: What, the one who's producing the video?
Simon: Yeah, I checked out her corporation. It seems legit. But there is something about her that still bothers me. Can you help, please?
Margo: Simon, come here.

Simon: Look, I will do all the legwork, okay? I just need you to okay the search. Maybe give Dahlia's name to one of the boys in blue?
Margo: You know what? I have got little to no time, so I'm really gonna make this short and sweet.
Simon: All right, go ahead. Shoot.
Margo: Do you have a job?
Simon: No. I'm in between jobs, yes. Why? Do you think I'm overreacting?
Margo: No, I think you got just a little too much time on your hands, Simon. Do you realize that you come in here about every two weeks asking me to do a background check on one of Katie's associates? Now, that's gotta stop.
Simon: You know, fine! If you're not concerned about your sister --
Margo: I am concerned about my sister! I love my sister. I realize that my sister has great danger potential. But I think --
Simon: Then what's your point?
Margo: Ultimately, she is turning out to be quite a savvy adult. So maybe it's time you started to trust her.

Katie and Simon's Room, Craig's Suite

Katie: So you have the audacity to stand here and admit that you made a move on my husband?
Dahlia: Sure.
Katie: And that little smile, what's that? A target for when I smash your teeth in?
Dahlia: Stop acting like such a little girl. It was perfectly harmless.
Katie: Harmless? Try stupid -- sleazy -- suicidal!
Dahlia: Listen, are you through? I'll be happy to explain.
Katie: Yeah, well, you better try hard, because I'm a hard sell.
Dahlia: Look, you know that I have been worried about Simon's attitude about this project from the beginning -- his distance, his disapproval.
Katie: And so you thought you would win him over by playing kissy-face?
Dahlia: Katie, I've tried being cordial with him, I've tried including him. But he continued to be suspicious and aloof with me.
Katie: Oh, come on! You're reaching, Dahlia.
Dahlia: So what I'm about to tell you may make you angry.
Katie: Well, let me tell too late.
Dahlia: I thought I sensed some interest on Simon's part.
Katie: Oh, that's it! That is it! You get the hell out of here and don't ever come back!
Dahlia: Listen! Hear me out, Katie.
Katie: I'm sick of your lies. You can't even begin to tell me that Simon had the least, teeny-weeny bit of interest in you.
Dahlia: No. You're right. That's what I'm telling you.
Katie: Let me guess, you were testing him?
Dahlia: Yes.
Katie: Yeah.
Dahlia: Listen, I picked up a vibe. I was obviously wrong. I mean, I thought that he was resentful because he had a little crush on me. So I took a chance. I decided to see if my theory would hold up.
Katie: So you run around sticking your tongue down anyone's throat who looks at you?
Dahlia: Look, if Simon was attracted to me, and if that attraction could endanger your success, I wanted to know.
Katie: No, you wanted to know if he was attracted to you so you could sleep with him!
Dahlia: No, so I could tell you. You're my friend, Katie. I thought you had a right to know if Simon was a skunk.
Katie: How charitable. How dead wrong.
Dahlia: Admittedly. I mean, not only did he rebuff my advances, he told you all about it.
Katie: That's because he loves me.
Dahlia: I'm sure he does. Or --
Katie: Or what?
Dahlia: Or he plays the game very, very well.

Katie: Simon doesn't play games. I trust him. You, I wouldn't trust alone with my bunny rabbit.
Dahlia: I reacted on the spur of the moment. I apologize. Forgive me.
Katie: I don't think I can do that.
Dahlia: You -- of all people -- have no empathy for someone who made a mistake in judgment?
Katie: Not when that mistake happens on my husband's lips, okay?
Dahlia: I researched you thoroughly. Did you forget?
Katie: What does that have to do with anything?
Dahlia: Holden Snyder -- ring a bell? He was very married, and you very publicly lusted after him. Now you won't forgive me one kiss?
Katie: Yeah, well, I never went after a man whose wife was my friend!
Dahlia: Who did you study ethics with?
Katie: Stop acting like this is nothing!
Dahlia: Do you really want to throw away our entire business relationship over something so trivial?
Katie: You know what, let me tell you --
Dahlia: Before you answer, I just want to let you know that I showed the raw video footage to our backers. They're ready to sign you on for two more videos and advance you a very large amount of money for the exclusive rights.
Katie: How much money?
Dahlia: I came here prepared to negotiate. But if you want to throw away everything you've ever wanted because I made a harmless and very unsuccessful move on your husband, then fine. Do it.

Oakdale Police Department

Simon: This is unreal. Why does everybody assume that I don't trust Katie?
Margo: Well, let's see -- constant background checks? Policing her life?
Simon: Well, apparently, that's only because I care about her.
Margo: I know you do. But why don't you try acting like a husband instead of a father.
Simon: Come on. That is so not the way that I've been acting.
Margo: Yeah, it is, Simon. You've got to stop it, Simon. You've got to get a job.
Simon: I have been looking. But, apparently, there's not too many openings in Oakdale for an ex-gigolo.
Margo: Simon, come and work for me.

Dahlia: If you wanna walk away from an extremely lucrative career before it even begins --
Katie: The career part, I have no problem with. It's working with you that I really don't think I like.
Dahlia: One bump in the road isn't gonna stop someone like you. You know, prove to me and our backers that I didn't choose the wrong woman for this job. That you are still as relentless and motivated as ever. We had a beautiful partnership in the works, Katie. Do you really wanna walk away from the talk shows, the lecture tours, the merchandising?
Katie: If my marriage is an issue, I'll walk right away from those things. There's nothing more important to me than Simon, and I really don't think that you're getting that.
Dahlia: I understand that in spite of a foolish move on my part, your marriage is solid. Solid as a rock. And so is this. This is a nice, solid proposal for a syndicated TV series, starring and co-produced by Katie Frasier.
Katie: A production credit?
Dahlia: I have one word for you -- "syndication." Oh, come on, Katie, don't be mad at me. We all make mistakes.
Katie: So kissing Simon was just some little mistake?
Dahlia: Waving good-bye to a dream come true -- that would be the mistake. Go ahead. Shoot yourself in the career. You know what? It's your call. Just say the word, and I'm history.
Katie: Good. There's the door. Use it.

Oakdale Police Department

Simon: So you want me to work for you as what? A cop?
Margo: No, not as a cop. It would be a much less formal arrangement than that. You would really just be helping me out on a completely unofficial investigation. You could put your adventure skills to good use.
Simon: Oh, right.
Margo: What do you say? Are you interested?
Simon: No, I'm kind of busy. All right, tell me more.
Margo: All right, great. It would really be kind of a follow-up to the trip to France that Craig bankrolled for you. Remember? What it is is that one of my best detectives is on his way to France now. It's Jack Snyder. He's following leads in Marseilles about the three missing women.
Simon: And -- I don't know. What, you want me to go along?
Margo: No, Simon. I need you to follow him.
Simon: To follow him, why?
Margo: Because I have a feeling that Jack is walking into a trap.

Margo: I don't know what to do. I mean, I'm chasing shadows here. And I can't afford for Jack to go over there on his own and run the risk of him disappearing like Hal.
Simon: Well, is he aware of the danger?
Margo: That doesn't matter to Jack. Look, Simon, I would do this on my own, but I can't. I'm up to here with the Scudder case. There's -- I don't have anybody that I can assign this to because we're overworked and we're understaffed and -- Simon, please, are you interested?
Simon: Margo, I'd love to help, but the reason I came -- I'm worried about Katie and this thing that she's so involved with.
Margo: Oh, Simon!
Simon: That's why I came in here.
Margo: Look, you are her husband, not her caretaker! Would you get a life?
Simon: Yeah, well, seeing how you put it like that, all right, fine.
Margo: Great, great, okay.
Simon: When's Jack scheduled to go to Marseilles?
Margo: All right, what I'm gonna do here is I'm gonna put together a packet of all the information that you're gonna need. And then I'll messenger it over to you. And listen to me, Simon. Please, be careful. Stay in constant contact with me. For Jack's sake, for my sake. For Katie's sake.
Simon: For Katie. I'll keep her out of it.
Margo: That's the spirit. And listen, you come back in one piece or your wife will have my head.
Simon: [mocking Margo] Get a life.
Margo: Yeah, but it worked.

Katie and Simon's Room, Craig's Suite

Dahlia: Katie, I'm the first to admit that Simon's a hot guy. But you are my prior you're about to become a star. Instant fame is a bigger challenge to any relationship than any mere mortal could be. I wanted to make sure that Simon was in this for the long haul. That he was able to handle the temptations and the stresses that flare up.
Katie: And you couldn't have just had a conversation with him? You had to try to stick your tongue down his throat?
Dahlia: You're right. There are other ways that I could've handled it. I made a judgment call.
Katie: And you lost. So you take your step aerobics and step on out of here, right now.
Dahlia: Okay, calm down. You're obviously very stressed right now. You're in no position to make a rational decision. When you change your mind, you give me a call. The door is always open.
Katie: Wrong again.

Simon: [Simon walks in the room and sees Katie destroying her video tapes] Hey, hey, what are you doing? What's going on? Stop that.
Katie: Well, I asked Dahlia to tell me how she just ended up kissing you, and she admitted it. She confessed to the whole thing and acted like it was no big deal. And you know what she told me? That she was "testing" your devotion to me. So I threw her and her proposal right out the door and out of our lives. So fine.
Simon: Look, you destroyed your videotape?
Katie: I did what any happily married woman would do. I kicked her sleazy butt and her six-figure, stupid proposal right out of this door.
Simon: Yes, yes, you did, for an unrequited kiss.
Katie: Simon, I don't need to be rich. I don't need to be famous. I don't need to be a household name, especially if it means I'd have to be under the power of some sleazy home wrecker like her.
Simon: She didn't -- hey, she didn't wreck anything. Nothing was wrecked.
Katie: No, she didn't! Because I would've killed her. But she tried! That's the point, right?
Simon: No, no, no, the point is, she failed miserably.
Katie: Yeah, well, you know what? She's not gonna get another chance to "try, try again," because I cut her right at the knees.
Simon: Oh, whoa, what are you gonna do? Like, cut your career off as well?
Katie: What are you talking about?! You want me to actually consider signing that proposal? I don't understand this.
Simon: Look, listen, my opinion of that low-life hasn't changed. But I would hate myself if you gave up something because of me. All right? Just be cautious.
Katie: I don't know what to do, Simon! I'm so confused!
Simon: Do what you always do. Never let anyone get in the way of what you want. Do what you have to do. Just the way I need to -- do what I need to do.
Katie: That sounded like a weird code or something. What do you need to do?
Simon: Katie, I need to go away for a while. Without you.

Simon: Margo's asked me to do a job for her.
Katie: Where?
Simon: In Europe.
Katie: For how long?
Simon: To be determined.
Katie: Is it dangerous?
Simon: No more dangerous than your driving. Look, I don't know, okay? But I'll be careful.
Katie: Why didn't she just send a cop?
Simon: Because they seem to be in short supply these days.
Katie: Well, if they need more manpower, then I can come help you.
Simon: No way, no, no, no. Forget about that.
Katie: Why not? We were great together in Malta.
Simon: That's just not gonna fly this time. I need to keep a low profile.
Katie: Well, what's a lower profile than a nice couple honeymooning or vacationing?
Simon: Listen, you can't come with me because you have your own challenge here in Oakdale. If you choose to accept it.
Katie: How can I work with her knowing that her lips were on yours?
Simon: Look, just because I wear an irresistible cologne doesn't mean you should sacrifice your future.
Katie: What if it happens again?
Simon: She'll fail again. Look, nothing and no one can come between us. You taught me that.
Katie: I know. I guess I just needed a refresher.
Simon: "Refresher"?
Katie: Mmm. Nothing more refreshing than that.
Simon: Oh, I wish I could stay here and give you a proper birthday celebration.
Katie: It's okay.
Simon: Wait. I did manage to scrounge a few pennies together and get you a gift.
Katie: You did?
Simon: Yes!
Katie: Where is it?
Simon: Well, if it's not broken, it was under the bed.
Katie: What?
Simon: No, I'm joking. It's over here. I can't believe you didn't find it there.
Katie: Oh, I never met a present I didn't like. Fur?
Simon: Faux fur. Very faux. 100% pure fake rabbit. I didn't want Snickers getting revenge me in the middle of the night. You like it?
Katie: Good idea. I love it! It's beautiful and warm and soft, and Snickers will love it. I love it. I love you.
Simon: Oh, I so wish I didn't have to go anywhere.
Katie: Yeah, wouldn't you like to stay and find out what it's like when I'm wearing nothing under this coat?
Simon: Oh, you evil temptress.
Katie: Mm-hmm.
Simon: How dare you do that to me before I leave.
Katie: Well, maybe next time, it'll make you think twice before you take off. When will you be back?
Simon: Not soon enough. Keep busy, stay out of trouble. And know that I love you more than life itself.
Katie: Ditto, babe. I love you!

Oakdale Police Department

[Phone rings]
Margo: Hughes.
Simon: Margo, it's Simon.
Margo: Where are you?
Simon: I'm on my way back from the airport. Look, Jack's flight took off without him.
Margo: Oh, well, I'll call him then.
Simon: No, no, no, there's no answer on his cell phone or at his home.
Margo: Meet me at Jack's place. 123 Elm Street, Milltown.
Simon: Sure, I'll see you there.
Margo: Oh, my God, please don't let this nightmare be happening again.

Katie and Simon's Room, Craig's Suite

Dahlia: I'm really glad that you called.
Katie: Well, I realized that this is bigger than me or you or Simon. I'm involved in the reshaping of America. The fitness of an entire nation is at stake here, and I never back away from a challenge.
Dahlia: That's what my research told me.
Katie: So I'm back on board.
Dahlia: Well, you've made me and our backers very happy, and very wealthy.
Katie: There's just one more thing that I want to get perfectly clear so there's no confusion in the future.
Dahlia: By all means.
Katie: My husband I are very much in love. We trust each other implicitly, and he would never betray me. You, on the other hand --
Dahlia: I thought we had already cleared this up.
Katie: You touch my husband again, and you're dead meat. No touching, no kissing. And if you even look at him in the wrong way, you' gonna pay for it. Dahlia, I can make sure of that. Understand?
Dahlia: Understand. You know, it's actually quite refreshing -- a young woman so blindly devoted to her man.
Katie: Simon and I have total faith in each other.
Dahlia: My hats off to you. And I'm really glad that we're friends again. Okay, I'll be in touch. Total faith?

Outside Jack's Front Door

Margo: Jack! Did you find anything?
Simon: No, his car is missing. It looks like nobody's home as well.
Margo: Great. He doesn't make his flight to France, he doesn't answer the phone, he doesn't answer the door. Jack, where the hell are you?!

Katie: Well, looks like it's just you and me, Snickers, for my birthday celebration. What should we get from room service? Maybe a couple of garden salads? [ Knock on door ] Who could that -- oh, Snickers, I bet it's Simon! Yeah, right, business trip. Oh, so excited, he probably planned a surprise from the very beginning. See how do we look? How's my hair? Oh, thank you so much. Not so bad yourself.
Jill: Is Simon Frasier here?
Katie: Uh, no. Actually, he's away on business.
Jill: Business? If you say so.
Katie: Is there something that I can help you with?
Jill: I seriously doubt it.
Katie: Well, anything you need from him, you can get from me. I'm Mrs. Frasier.

Jill: At least that explains part of it.
Katie: What is this about?
Jill: I'll wait to speak to Mr. Frasier. When will he be back?
Katie: I -- I'm not sure.
Jill: Wonderful.
Katie: Who was that? Oh, Snickers -- I wish Simon were here.

Java Coffee Shop

Margo: Hi.
Simon: Margo, hi. So why did you want to meet me here?
Margo: Well, I don't know any self-respecting cop who'd be found dead ordering a double mocha, do you?
Simon: No. Besides, no one knows I'm working for you, right?
Margo: That's right. And that's the way I want to keep it. Now here's the deal. I went to headquarters, I told the Commissioner that I didn't find anybody over at Jack's.
Simon: What about the car?
Margo: My boys found it in long-term parking at the airport.
Simon: For a three-day trip? Okay, why would it even be there when Jack never got on that plane to France?
Margo: Exactly, Simon. I wish I had a clue for you.
Simon: Okay, so what do you want me to do now?
Margo: I want you to find out what happened to Jack. But, this time, there's a condition.
Simon: What's that?
Margo: Katie. She can't know that you're working for me.

Simon: I'm sorry, Margo, but Katie already knows I took this job for you.
Margo: I just asked you this morning. Man, she's fast.
Simon: No, no. It was me. I had to give her some kind of explanation why I was leaving her high and dry on her birthday.
Margo: It is her birthday!
Simon: It is her birthday.
Margo: I knew it. I had a moment to go get her anything.
Simon: It's all right. She understands how busy you are.
Margo: What happened to my life? First Hal vanishes, then Jack vanishes, then my personal life vanishes. I told the Commissioner I'd need extra hands, he just gave me a copy of his budget problems.
Simon: You didn't tell him about me, though, did you?
Margo: Yes. Yes, of course, I did. Simon, I told him what an excellent job you did for Lily tracking down Holden. I told him that you were already working on the case, that Craig had sent you to France, you're already in on the loop.
Simon: Yeah, yeah. Okay, but working for Craig is one thing. But tracking down Jack? A cop? I just don't have access to the kind of things I need for that assignment.
Margo: Exactly. That's why I asked the commissioner if I could deputize you.
Simon: Dep -- so, what, I get my own tin star and a cowboy hat?
Margo: The hat's up to you. But we use photo I.D.s now.
Simon: Darn. What about a horse and a six-shooter?
Margo: Simon, I will get you all the credentials you need.
Simon: Why me, Margo?
Margo: Because I need someone I can trust. I can depend on you.
Simon: Why me, Margo?
Margo: Because you're new. Stenbeck won't even think to look at you. You see how good you are? You're already ahead of me.
Simon: I just don't want you having second thoughts about this. I need this job. So what do you want me to tell Katie?
Margo: Tell her that the job fell through, you're not working for me. I found somebody else to do it.
Simon: Why are you so afraid of her?
Margo: You're married to her, aren't you afraid of her? Simon, look, I can't have her sticking her well-meaning little nose into this. Three women have already disappeared, and I don't want -- I don't want Stenbeck to get a hold of her.
Simon: He won't. I will do everything in my power to protect Katie, okay? Look, I know she has a history of inviting trouble into her life. But I hate lying to her, Margo, okay? Katie and I -- we're in great. We're in a new place now.
Margo: Good, fine, wonderful. New wedded bliss, that's wonderful. Just keep Katie out of this. And listen to me, you stay well beneath Stenbeck's radar. Both Hal and Jack disappeared following leads on that scum. And, Simon, I'm gonna be honest with you. 'S dangerous. Are you up for it?
Simon: Pin me, sheriff.

Katie and Simon's Room, Craig's Suite

Katie: Dahlia? What's in the box?
Dahlia: A peace offering.
Katie: I thought we already made peace. We decided to ignore your behavior and get back on the project.
Dahlia: Yes, we did. But that doesn't mean that we can't celebrate bygones being bygones.
Katie: Why? It's business. What do we need to celebrate? We just shake hands and get back to work.
Dahlia: Oh, come on. Can't I at least be a little relieved that we worked things out? I mean, I would really love for us to be friends as well as partners.
Katie: If you keep your end of the bargain and stop playing kissy-face with my husband, I guess I'll think about it.
Dahlia: I told you that would never happen again. Here. I just -- I wanted to tell you how happy you made me when you green-lighted the video project again.
Katie: About $1 million happy?
Dahlia: Maybe more. I -- you know, I was so excited that I went to look over your contract again, and I realized that today is your birthday.
Katie: A cake for me?
Dahlia: It's carrot. You can share it with Snickers. We don't want you to ruin that fabulous figure.
Katie: Well, that is actually kind of sweet. Come on in.
Dahlia: Well, be happy. I mean, what happened to your usual sparkle? Is something wrong?
Katie: You can tell?
Dahlia: Well, you know what? I kind of feel like we've gotten to be a little closer since our misunderstanding. I guess I'm starting to be a Katie expert.
Katie: Well, let me put it this way -- it hasn't been the best day of my life, but I'll be fine.
Dahlia: Do you want to talk about it?
Katie: Oh, I don't know.
Dahlia: You know, I -- I can understand if you're a little gun- shy about trusting me, but I would really like to help if I can.
Katie: All right. Some woman came by looking for Simon, and I told her that he was away on business. She just kind of sneered at me and she wouldn't even tell me why she was here.
Dahlia: Did you say that Simon's away on business?
Katie: Yeah. He's doing a job for my sister, Margo. She's a cop, and he's done some investigating in the past, so she -- what?
Dahlia: Nothing.
Katie: No, no, what was that look? It's like you know something.
Dahlia: No. Not really.
Katie: Oh, come on, Dahlia you keep going on and on about how we need to trust each other.
Dahlia: Well, I -- I just saw Simon at that coffee place, Java. And from the look of things, he wasn't going anywhere.

Java Coffee Shop

Margo: I wasn't sure you'd say yes.
Simon: Margo, I've done a lot of things in my lifetime, things I'm not proud of. But still, for some reason, Katie sees me as one of the good guys. You know, and I just -- I wouldn't mind wearing that hat for a while.
Margo: And to the hat thing again. Listen, I will do everything in my power to protect you.
Simon: And I'll do everything in my power to track down Jack. Okay, so when I have something to report, how do I get in touch with you?
Margo: You don't. I'll find you. You okay with that?
Simon: Yeah. Yeah. Look, I was wondering, I mean -- I needed some --
Margo: Money.
Simon: Yes.
Margo: Money. Money, money, money. You risk your life and you want to get paid for it.
Simon: It's only for business expenses, you know? Coffee, doughnuts. Those sort of things.
Margo: Everything's been wire transferred. No trail. And if we do have any contact with each other, it's strictly family business, right?
Simon: Sure.
Margo: Right.
Simon: You really think Stenbeck is that dangerous?
Margo: Simon, Stenbeck and I go back a long time. I know how he thinks. He's a snake. So the first thing we're gonna do is find out if Jack's passport has been presented anywhere at the airport since yesterday, and -- [ cell phone rings ] excuse me. I wonder who it is. Hughes. Well, pigs do fly. I'll be right there. Barbara's gonna make a statement about her involvement with Stenbeck.
Simon: Great. That's good. That could be a big break, right?
Margo: Ah, I hope so. Listen, I'd better get back. You good to start?
Simon: Yep. I'm on it. I'll -- I'll find out about Jack's passport.
Margo: Good. I knew I could count on you, Simon. I'll be in touch.
Simon: Sure.
Margo: Thanks for the coffee.

Katie and Simon's Room, Craig's Suite

Katie: You saw Simon at Java?
Dahlia: He didn't tell you he was going there? Well, you know, maybe he just stopped by to get some coffee on his way to the airport.
Katie: No, he said that his flight was leaving right away, which is why he couldn't celebrate my birthday night with me.
Dahlia: And this woman that came to the door, she didn't give you any clue about what she wanted?
Katie: No. Do you think that she has something to do with him being a Java?
Dahlia: Probably not. Although --
Katie: What, Dahlia? Come on, I need to know.
Dahlia: Well, it's probably nothing, but I did see a woman join Simon at Java. It didn't look like he was in a hurry to get out of there.
Katie: Wait, tall woman, kind of businessy type?
Dahlia: I don't know. She was sitting down when I left, but she did look serious.
Katie: Okay, there has got to be some explanation for this.
Dahlia: Well, of course there is, I'm sure.
Katie: Here. I'm calling Simon on his cell right now and I'm gonna figure this whole thing out.

Java Coffee Shop

Simon: [on the phone] Yeah, I'm at Java, upstairs. Uh, another half hour or so. Yeah, Jack Snyder's passport. Entries, exits, visas, that kind of thing. It doesn't matter. Printout, computer whatever you've got. Excellent. I'll see you soon. [ cell phone rings ] Frasier here.
Katie: Frasier here, too.
Simon: Hey. How's my birthday girl?
Katie: Lonely. I actually just tried to call you on your cell, but it went straight to your voice mail. Were you on the phone?
Simon: Yes. I was just talking to Margo. Katie, the assignment actually might be canceled.
Katie: Oh, good, 'cause there was a woman here looking for you.
Simon: What woman?
Katie: I don't know. She probably answers to the name "gorgeous," but I didn't get her real name.
Simon: Have you ever seen her before?
Katie: No. She was carrying a briefcase and wouldn't say what she wanted. Any idea why some perfect stranger's looking for you? She was very disappointed when you weren't around.
Simon: No, no idea. Look, I'll deal with it when I get back.
Katie: So where are you?
Simon: The airport. My flight got delayed. But I'm just gonna stick around here, see if Margo needs me anymore.
Katie: So you think you'll be there for a while?
Simon: It's quite possible. All I know is that, baby, I miss you. And I wish I was there with you.
Katie: Yeah, me, too. That's so sweet, honey. Well, I'll just count the minutes till you get home.
Simon: Me, too. Hey, I love you.

Katie and Simon's Room, Craig's Suite

Katie: I love you, too.
Dahlia: So, straighten everything out?
Katie: Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine. Everything is perfectly fine.

Katie: So, Dahlia, thank you so much for the cake.
Dahlia: Well, considering everything we've been through, it's the least I could do.
Katie: Simon and I will feed it to each other as soon as he gets home.
Dahlia: I hope that you have the happiest birthday ever. And I meant it when I said how really glad I am that we worked things out. For you and Simon.
Katie: Yeah, it's pretty great, isn't it? Well, I'll see you soon.
[Dahlia leaves]
Katie: I can't believe this. Simon's lying to me. He's lying, and I -- I'm not gonna sit still for it.

Java Coffee Shop

Jill: Hello, Simon.
Simon: Uh, hi. Oh, you're from immigration? You got what I need?
Jill: Oh, yes. Yes, I have something you want very much.
Simon: All right.
Jill: I was told you were out of town, so I almost gave up. Good thing for you I needed a latte before I went to the airport.
Simon: You dropped in on my wife earlier, didn't you?
Jill: I see she didn't waste any time calling you.
Simon: Okay, so what's this?
Jill: My firm used to represent Monique Ferrara Frasier. You do remember Monique, don't you?
Simon: I never wanted this.
Jill: Yeah, tell that to the current Mrs. Frasier. Tell me something. How are you going to live with yourself when you start spending this money?

Jill: I was told to expect wild protests of innocence.
Simon: I'm done -- done trying to prove anything to you and your partners. I never wanted this money.
Jill: If it offends you so much, why not donate it to charity?
Simon: Maybe I will.
Jill: And maybe I'll sprout wings and fly away, but that isn't likely. Look into my eyes, Mr. Frasier. They're not desperate like the eyes of the women you've conned. And they're not innocent, like your wife's.
Simon: You leave Katie out of this.
Jill: Scared I'll tell her just how sordid your past really is?
Simon: I am not guilty of what you think.
Jill: But you're bloody well going to keep the money, aren't you?
Simon: If I do -- if I do, consider it payment for the hell that you and your cronies have put me through.
Jill: Payment? Sounds like an ending. But you can't outrun your past, Mr. Frasier. Sooner or later, it catches up to you.
Katie: You said you were at -- what is going on?
Jill: I was just leaving.
Simon: Please, please, listen, listen. Before you say anything, there is a really good reason why I told you I was at the airport --
Katie: That was the same woman that came by the Lakeview looking for you. What did she want?

Simon: Here we go. One grande mocha latte with skim milk. Thanks for understanding about the airport thing. When I thought I was working for Margo, my cover was I was supposed to be out of town. But now that it's fallen through --
Katie: I didn't say I understood about the airport, Simon. I said I wanted an answer to this other thing first.
Simon: Okay, first can I ask you something? Can I ask you a question?
Katie: Maybe.
Simon: How did everything work out with Dahlia?
Katie: Great. I'm going ahead with the video.
Simon: That's great news. Congratulations. There's an old Aussie custom -- you have to kiss the one you're congratulating.
Katie: These lips are off limits until you tell me what that woman wanted. Who was she?
Simon: She was a lawyer.
Katie: Oh. Great. I knew it. As soon as we start to make money, someone is gonna want to sue us. Is it Craig?
Simon: No. No one is suing anyone, okay? In fact, quite the opposite. She offered me a very large check.
Katie: What for?
Simon: It doesn't matter. She got the wrong guy. Look, let's not let this custom go to waste, okay?
Katie: Listen -- that clears up question one. Now onto question two. Why did you lie to me?

Simon: Look, don't -- don't call it lying. It wasn't --
Katie: You said that you couldn't spend my birthday with me because you had to go out of town, and then when I called you, you said you were at the airport. So if Dahlia hadn't come over then --
Simon: Wait, wait, wait. What has Dahlia got to do with any of this?
Katie: Never mind. She doesn't have anything to do with it. I just need to know why you said you were at the airport when you were really here.
Simon: I told you, Katie. It was a work thing.
Katie: Yeah, but if Margo told you to tell the whole entire world that you were out of town, fine. But she wouldn't tell you to lie to me.
Simon: Well, it doesn't matter now that the whole thing has fallen through anyway.
Katie: And why has it fallen through?
Simon: Listen Katie -- honey, I really need you to trust me right now, please. I need that very badly. Can you do that?
Katie: How can I do that when it feels like you're lying to me? You know, I'm sorry. I gotta go.
Simon: Sweetheart, please don't. Listen to me.
Katie: No, if you didn't want to spend my birthday with me, you could have just told me.
[Simon's cell phone rings]
Simon: I wanted to spend every single second with you.
Katie: I'll leave and give you a little privacy.
Simon: Katie, please -- hello. Wait up, Katie. Look, listen, listen, I'm really in the middle of something -- what? You're sure? So you're saying that Jack Snyder never actually left Oakdale?

Oakdale Police Department

Harrison: Sorry to interrupt, but it's your brother-in-law. He said it was a family emergency.
Margo: So, Katie get her pigtail caught in a door, huh?
Simon: Now, Margo, not now. It's her birthday.
Margo: You interrupted me.
Simon: I need you to sign her birthday card, okay?
Margo: Jack's passport was never used?
Simon: He never left the states.
Margo: What did Stenbeck do? Did he put him in a coffin and ship him out like Emily or Rose?
Simon: I already checked that out. My feeling is that he's still in the country, maybe still even in Oakdale.
Margo: Where? Where? Where could he be?
Simon: I don't know. Look, I'll follow it up in the morning.
Margo: No, no, Simon. Tonight.
Simon: Tonight? I can't. Look, Katie's already caught me in one lie. I need to go home and make it up to her.
Margo: No. You've got to do it tonight. We can't let Jack's trail get any colder. Stenbeck probably did this. Listen to me. I don't know how much longer I can hold him.
Simon: Just keep him overnight.
Margo: But I can't. He's winning in there. This is our only window. We've got to find Jack tonight.
Simon: All right.
Margo: Before Stenbeck gets out on the streets.
Simon: Okay. I'll go home, see Katie, then follow up as many leads as I can.
Margo: Okay. Tonight.
Simon: Yes.
Margo: Thanks.
Simon: All right. Thanks, Margo. Appreciate it.
Margo: Yeah, yeah.
Harrison: I'm really sorry, Detective Hughes. I didn't know it was about a birthday card.
Margo: Perfectly all right, you know? Family comes first, and Simon is family.

Katie and Simon's Room, Craig's Suite

Simon: I know you're probably awake, but please, just don't say anything, okay? Because I have to leave again, and all I want to do is lie down next to you. Katie, look, I shouldn't have lied to you about being at the airport today. I took the coward's way out because I just didn't want to put either one of us through another good-bye. So be angry with me. You have every single right. But if you never believe another word I say, please believe this -- I wanted to be with you today and every single day for the rest of my life, and I always will, and I love you more than -- more than my own life.
Katie: Happy birthday to me.

Lily: Simon. Hi, what a nice surprise.
Simon: Lily, hi. Good to see you.
Lily: Come in.
Simon: Thank you. Look, sorry to bother you guys. I was just wondering if I could ask you and Holden a quick question.
Lily: Sure. Come on. We just dropped the kids off at Emma's, so we have all the time in the world.
Holden: Hey, Simon.
Simon: Hey, Holden. Look, guys, have you heard from Jack?
Holden: I thought Jack was on his way to France?
Lily: Yeah, to Marseilles. He has a lead on those coffins that were used to get Rose and Emily out of the country.
Simon: Yeah, well, that was the plan. But he never actually checked in at the airport. I thought he might have called, left a message. Any suggestion to why he might be delayed?
Holden: No, no, he didn't.
Lily: So if Jack is not in France, where is he?

Holden: Hello? It was Jack.
Simon: You're kidding.
Holden: No, no, it says right here. Maybe we had a bad connection or something.
Lily: Did he leave a message?
Holden: No.
Simon: Call him back. Can you call him back?
Holden: Sure. He's not picking up.
Simon: Damn.
Lily: What? What is it?
Simon: No, he's just a hard man to reach.
Holden: Why do you need to reach him, Simon?
Simon: It's Margo's idea. Look, they're really short-staffed with Hal out. She just wanted me to hook up with Jack, but I just can't seem to find the guy.
Lily: Did you try his house?
Simon: Margo and I went by. No one answered. I just figured he'd already taken off. Well, do you have a key or something? I'll just swing by and take a look. Nothing, no big deal.
Holden: No, we don't have a key.
Lily: Mitzi has a key. She's staying at Rose's while Jack is away. So can you call?
Holden: Yeah, I'll call.
Simon: Lily, just do me a favor. If you see Katie, I didn't stop by. Okay?
Lily: Why?
Simon: Oh, well, Margo wants me to keep helping her out under wraps. I shouldn't even be here talking to you. I just thought Holden would be my best shot at trying to track down Jack.
Lily: That's fine. You think you should be keeping things from your wife?
Simon: Look, I'll tell her, just not tonight. It's her birthday. I've already screwed up royally.
Lily: Oh, it's -- yeah, she'll forgive you, I'm sure, under the circumstances.
Simon: It's actually not that. I got a little postcard from my past.
Lily: Oh. Legal trouble?
Simon: No.
Lily: But serious.
Simon: Confronting. I'm sorry to be so mysterious about it. I just can't get into that.
Lily: Call me if you need anything.
Holden: Okay, Mitzi is gonna meet you over at Jack's with the key.
Simon: Oh, that is great. Look, thank you guys so much, but please, just don't tell anyone about this. Thank you.

Jack's House

Mitzi: Hey!
Simon: Hey, Mitz, thank you for coming by and letting me in. I appreciate it.
Mitzi: Anything for Jack. I've got keys to half the places in town -- so, Holden said you were helping Jack with somethin'?
Simon: Uh, yeah, yeah. He left an instruction for me inside.
Mitzi: Is it a letter? 'Cause I didn't see anything when I cleaned up. Here we go.
Simon: Thank you. [ Simon starts for the stairs ]
Mitzi: You think he left a note for you upstairs?
Simon: I'm just gonna check up here.
>> Mitzi: Why don't you check the desk first? Oh, and by the way, he keeps everything that he hasn't figured out what to do with in that drawer right there, which yours truly is not allowed to touch.
Simon: All right. Thanks, Mitzi.
Mitzi: Is it hot in here?
Simon: Ah, yeah. Yeah, it is, a little. Now that you say that.
Mitzi: I bet he forgot to turn off the thermostat.
Simon: "Unsolved." Stenbeck.
Mitzi: Not only did he forget to turn down the thermostat, he turned it up. You know, I better go upstairs and make sure he didn't leave the tub running.
Simon: That's a good idea.That guy has a one-track mind, which is probably what makes him such a good cop. He's always so focused, and --

Simon: Mitzi? Mitzi!

Jack's Bedroom

Mitzi: I'll be right down. I left a sweater here. I thought I might as well look for it. Did I leave it in the closet? [Mitzi goes to open the closet door where Julia is holding Jack hostage, but is interrupted by Simon]
Simon:[calls Mitzi from downstairs] Mitz? Mitz, you ready?
Mitzi: Did you find what you were lookin' for?
Simon: No. No, I didn't.
Mitzi: I can't find my sweater either. You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say this house was haunted.

Jack's House

Simon: Thanks again, Mitz. I really appreciate it.
Mitzi: Okay. [sees the flowers in the wastepaper basket] What the -- why would he throw these out?

Simon: I don't know. He probably thought they'd die before he got back.
Mitzi: They last forever. And he said they were his favorite. He told me he loved them. Whatever.

Katie: Simon.
Simon: Hey. Good morning.
Katie: You okay?
Simon: Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
Katie: You don't look fine. What's going on?

Simon: I didn't want to wake you. You looked so peaceful.
Katie: Peaceful, huh? After spending half the night up waiting for you?
Simon: I had to work. I didn't want to call you, because I didn't want to wake you.
Katie: But I was having such a rip-roarin' time by myself on my birthday. Who could sleep?
Simon: Come on, Katie. Give me a break.
Katie: I'm sorry. I just thought that once we got together, our birthdays would be something special. And here I was last night, alone with my rabbit.
Simon: Not much of a party animal, I guess. I'm sorry, okay? I promise I will make it up to you.
Katie: When?
Simon: If I could, I'd do it right now, but I just don't know when I'm gonna get called away again.
Katie: Where you going now, Borneo? Or perhaps maybe just one of those hotels by the highway that rent out by the hour.
Simon: What is that supposed to mean?
Katie: Oh, don't tell me that you're asking the questions now, huh? Because I'm not the one who needs to explain my weird behavior lately. You flat-out lied to me last night. You told me you were at the airport when you were clearly at Java Underground.
Simon: Listen, listen. I thought I explained that to you.
Katie: Well, I'm not very convinced. That whole conversation was so weird. All that -- whole thing about the secret mission from Margo that's all of a sudden fallen through, and then you come home just to tell me that you're out the door again? And now you tell me that there's more to come?
Simon: Katie, we have the rest of our lives to spend together. Listen, listen. I know I am asking a lot of you to put up with me just for right now, but this is not gonna be the rest of our lives.
Katie: I know, but I'm looking at what's right in front of me, and it scares me. The fact that you could just blow me off like that and then the very next day make light of it -- okay. I know better. I mean, I -- I think I do, but I -- I got to ask you something. There's not someone else, is there?

Simon: Another woman? Look. Listen, Katie, I don't make light of missing your birthday. I feel terrible. I screwed up, but it is a huge jump from a missed birthday to accusing me of having an affair with another woman.
Katie: I know. I know. I just -- when you lied to me, it really threw me for a loop. I felt like I didn't know you anymore, like you were some other guy, some guy who thinks lying and making me feel awful are no big deal.
Simon: Everything about you, to me, is a big deal. I wanna show you how much of a --come and join me in the shower, I'll show you a big deal.
Katie: I'll meet you back under the covers.
Simon: Look. I'm not looking for anyone else in my life to complete me. I have found more with you than I could ever hope for.
Katie: Are you sure? Maybe you just forced yourself to love me, and now you feel like you've settled.
Simon: Look. I haven't settled. With you, I'm -- I'm rewarded, and I'm never gonna feel this way about any other living soul. Well -- unless of course we have kids. Then I'll have to find a way to love them as much as I love you.
[Simon passionately kisses Katie, and Katie feels the check in his back pocket and lifts it out]
Katie: You go get in that shower and come back.
Simon: Are you sure you don't want to join me?
Katie: You go ahead. Come back.
Simon: Okay. Whoa. Katie?
Katie: Yes?
Simon: Are we out of soap?
Katie: No, it's under the sink.
Simon: Oh, yeah, thanks.
Katie: Pay to the order of Simon Frasier -- oh, my -- oh, my God. This is a lot of zeroes.

[Knock at the door]
Katie: Dahlia.
Dahlia: I'm sorry to drop by without calling. I was gonna give the designer the okay for the video cover, but I thought you might wanna take a look, no?
Katie: Oh, yeah, come on in. Oh, actually, you know, Simon's getting ready, so can we make this kind of quick?
Dahlia: Oh, everything's okay? He came home last night and everything's --
Katie: Oh, yes. He explained everything. Totally fine. Thank you.
Dahlia: Oh, what's that?
Katie: Oh, it's just a check -- certified check. Actually, do you know how to find out who wrote a certified check?
Dahlia: Well, I suppose you could call the bank that issued the check. Why?
Katie: Oh, it's no big deal. Actually, I just -- I was going through our finances -- getting ready for the video -- and someone had given Simon and certified check, and I just wanted to know who it was.
Dahlia: Well, maybe it's a surprise.
Katie: Maybe. You know, Simon, though, he's not a big surprise guy.
Dahlia: Well, why don't you just ask him? I mean, you have that kind of relationship, right?
Katie: Absolutely. Yeah, I'll probably just do that. Well, great. Thank you for bringing this by. It looks fantastic.
Dahlia: Sure, any time.
Katie: Okay.
Dahlia: Bye-bye.
Katie: Preston, Drysdale and Lang. Beverly Hills?

Katie: [on the phone] No, no, I'm Mrs. Frasier. Yes, Katie Frasier. Anyway, I do the books in the house, and we were getting ready for taxes -- thanks. I just need to know who that check came from. Monique Ferrara? That's who I thought. Thank you so much. Monique Ferrara? I know that name.
Simon: I missed you in the shower. Anything happen while I was gone?

Katie: I'm so sorry that I freaked out before. I know you're working on something major. And I know that you can't talk about it. I just wish you could.
Simon: Can't you wish for something else?
Katie: What if I say no?
Simon: Look, the less people that know what I'm doing right now, the better. It's just safer that way.
Katie: Is it dangerous?
Simon: Let's just change the subject altogether. You know, it's boring. A lot more boring than this.
Katie: We can ask each other anything, right? Even if we know it's gonna make the other person mad?
Simon: Oh, no. Do I have to get ready to get mad?
Katie: No, no, I was talking about me getting mad, not you. Do you have something that you need to tell me?
Simon: Yeah. Yeah, I do have a confession to make.
Katie: You do? Oh, I knew it. Okay. All right, go for it.
Simon: Oh, boy. Okay. Katie, I am madly, insatiably and hopelessly in love with you.
Katie: I love you, too.