Simon: Excuse me. How you doing? I was wondering if I could just get a --
Bonnie: Wait. You're Australian?
Simon: Uh, yeah. Yeah, last time I checked.
Bonnie: Tell me you're related to Mel Gibson or Russell Crowe, please.
Simon: Yeah, we're all related down there, it's very inbred. Look, can I just get a table, possibly?
Bonnie: Help yourself.
Simon: Thank you. Oh, listen, listen, I know this sounds really odd --
Bonnie: I doubt it, but what do you need?
Simon: But if a woman -- blonde, pretty, petite, gorgeous, actually -- if she comes in here wearing a wedding dress --
Bonnie: You're expecting a bride?
Simon: It's a distinct possibility. But if she comes in here wearing a wedding dress, could you just stash her away somewhere and let me know right away?
Bonnie: Sure, stash the bride. Sure.
Simon: Appreciate it, thank you.
Bonnie: No problem.

Craig's Suite

Craig: [on the phone]We'll need a large suite with several phone lines and a drafting table. Fax me the list, will you? Okay, merci.
Katie: Where are you going?
Craig: Paris. How about you, beige anonymous?
Katie: I'm spying on Simon. I have to figure out what he has planned for our wedding.
Craig: Ah. Still planning on marrying your husband? I thought that after the Ophelia thing and now with the beige thing --
Katie: Yes, we are getting married, and you're giving me away, so you might want to rethink this Paris thing if you know what's good for you.
Craig: Was this wedding supposed to be a surprise?
Katie: It's supposed to be perfect, which is why I have to find out what Simon's doing before he does it and it's wrong.
Craig: I think you ought to have a little faith in your husband.
Katie: Faith? Since when does the master manipulator have faith in anything?
Craig: Well, since Carly left Jack. Since New York was a smash. Since Oakdale lost her and Paris got her.
Katie: Wait a minute -- Carly's moving to Paris?
Craig: With any luck.
Katie: And this makes you happy?
Craig: Oakdale means B.R.O.
Katie: Oh, and B.R.O. means Barbara, who could spill the beans.
Craig: What beans?
Katie: Oh, please. Come on, Craig, I was there. You could have stopped her before she left Oakdale. But it wouldn't have been nearly as dramatic as when you saved the day.
Craig: Stop Barbara? I can't even talk to her. But it doesn't matter -- she did her worst, and Carly got what she wanted.
Katie: And so did you.
Craig: You got a problem with that?
Katie: No. No, but Carly might.
Craig: Hey, not since she's goin' to Paris.
Katie: You can't go to Paris until you give me away, Craig.
Craig: Well, listen, it better happen in the next 48 hours, 'cause we've got a flight --
Katie: It's gonna happen, I promise. I promise it will. It's just -- you better not leave town before it does, or I'll never forgive you.
Craig: It'll all happen -- Carly, Paris and moi.

Java Underground

Katie: Hide me!
Bonnie: I beg your pardon?
Katie: That's my husband right there, and he cannot know that I'm here right now.
Bonnie: Okay, I know that's not a wedding dress, but --
Katie: The wedding's tonight?
Bonnie: I don't think so.
Katie: Well, good. I mean, I love my husband, but having a guy plan a wedding is just not a good idea.
Bonnie: Bear with me. How can you have a husband when you haven't even had a wedding?
Katie: Well, you see, we had this arrangement -- [ gasps ]
Bonnie: What? He's meeting somebody?
Katie: Yes. The other woman.

Lily: I'm so sorry that I'm late, but it took a little while to find another bridesmaid.
Simon: So who'd you find? Anyone?
Lily: Okay. Yes, as a matter of fact.
Margo: All right. I will show up for Katie, but I draw the line at aqua taffeta.
Katie: My sister? Oh, this couldn't get any worse if I'd planned it myself.
Bonnie: Margo Hughes is your sister?
Katie: Half sister.
Bonnie: Wait. Wait a minute. I've seen you here before. You were with some guy with a lot of gold chains and a pinky ring. How could I -- you're Katie, aren't you?
Katie: I'm no one today. I'm no one. I was not here, okay?
Bonnie: Oh, my goodness, you're a legend. Nobody gets in as much as trouble as you do, and nobody lands on their feet as much as you do.
Katie: Okay, I have to make you understand something. Simon has got my arch rival and my sister, who's never approved of anything I've ever done in my entire life, planning my wedding. You gotta help me.
Bonnie: On one condition -- I may need a little favor.
Katie: Okay, anything. Just find out what they've got planned.

Lily: Simon found this book of Katie's. It's kind of a wish list for her perfect wedding.
Margo: Oh, this book! Oh, Katie has been pasting things in this book since she was a little girl. Princess Diana? Tell me she doesn't want a horse-drawn carriage?
Simon: No, no, just the tiara.
Lily: Is that all?
Margo: "I want to walk down the aisle to 'Like a Virgin.’
Katie: Well, what are they saying?
Bonnie: Well, they want to give you the wedding of your dreams.
Katie: Well, good.
Bonnie: And somehow that includes Bon Jovi and Madonna?
Katie: Oh, no! I knew it! They've got it all wrong.
Margo: This book -- what this book means is that Katie has been planning her wedding since she was a little girl.
Simon: I know.
Margo: But the actual details --
Lily: I think Margo is right. She's grown up now. Maybe she wants something a little more sophisticated.
Simon: No, no. I know Katie. I mean, she's been planning for so long. It's all in this book. And that is what she's gonna get.

Bonnie: Okay, look, they gave it their best shot, but he has this book you put together. And well, I think they're going with the program.
Katie: Oh, come on. I put that book together starting from age 5 to 11.
Bonnie: Yeah, well, I know. But you better tell him, and you better hurry up before it's too late.
Katie: No, I can't. That'll interfere with the harmonic balance of our relationship.
Bonnie: And a wedding from the '80s won't?
Katie: Yeah, you're right. Do something. He's about to leave.
Simon: Hey.
Bonnie: Hi.
Simon: Here, this is for you. [hands her cash for the drinks ]
Bonnie: Yeah, whatever. [Simon shrugs and puts the money away] Listen, as a wedding event planner myself, I couldn't help from overhearing. You're planning your wedding?
Simon: Yeah. Well, no. It's my wife's wedding.
Bonnie: Yeah, well, I think that's sweet. I really, really I do. But do you mind? May I?
Simon: Oh, yeah. No, it's a great read.
Bonnie: This is really, really cute. Oh! Oh, nice, nice, nice. Well, you know, your wife -- she's such an accurate observer of the cultural scene. I can't help but think that she'd want you to translate these ideas into something a little more -- I don't know -- contemporary? Let's see. For example, well, her obvious infatuation with Madonna.
Simon: Oh, yes.
Bonnie: And your wife's a blonde, right?
Simon: She sure is.
Bonnie: And you with that accent. And Madonna -- well, she just married a man with an accent, and in a church of all places.
Simon: Are we going anywhere with this?
Bonnie: Well, even Madonna grew up. Katie just needs a gown, a church and you. That's it.
Simon: But first I've got to make a bloody fool of myself calling every bakery asking for Bon Jovi. Excuse me. [ Simon walks over to the bar, behind which Katie is hiding ] Is that what you really want?
Katie: How did you know I was here?
Simon: You're very subtle. Yes or no -- Bon Jovi?
Katie: No.
Simon: "Like a Virgin?"
Katie: No!
Simon: "Solid Gold" dancers?
Katie: No!
Simon: So, I've been knocking myself out for nothing?
Katie: For me. And I'm very, very appreciative.
Simon: So just the church, a gown and me? Is that right?
Katie: That's right.
Simon: Let's go.
Katie: Thanks, Bonnie.
Bonnie: Sure. Don't forget. You owe me, Katie.

[Knock at door]
Katie: Who is it?
Bonnie: It's Bonnie.
Katie: Oh, good. I know this is weird. Thank you so much for coming.
Bonnie: No problem. I came as soon as my shift ended. This isn't about a wardrobe rehab, is it?
Katie: No, Simon and I are getting married again tomorrow. And I need a wedding dress, and I don't have anything.
Bonnie: Have you ever heard of a dress shop?
Katie: I couldn't.
Bonnie: Why not?
Katie: Because Simon and I haven't done anything conventional up to this point, and if I start now, it's gonna throw everything out of whack.
Bonnie: Okay -- I can see your point. Almost. [starts looking through Katie's wardrobe] Well? It's white.
Katie: It's a tennis skirt. "Malibu Katie" -- no.
Bonnie: Well, there has to be something here. What in the world --
Katie: Don't ask.
Bonnie: Okay, look, it doesn't really matter, Katie. All that matters is how the bride and groom really feel about each other. The fact that you're gonna stand up in front of family and friends and devote your lives to one another. The dress isn't really that important. It's simply a means to an end.
Katie: I really hate it when people talk to me like that.
Bonnie: Like what?
Katie: Like I -- like I'm a complete idiot.
Bonnie: Is that what I was doing?
Katie: Let me put it this way -- if it was you getting married tomorrow, would the dress be important or would the ceremony be enough?
Bonnie: Without the right dress, there would be no ceremony.
Katie: Exactly my point.
Bonnie: Okay, so what do you want me to do?
Katie: You have to help me find a wedding dress by tomorrow -- even if we have to steal one.

Carly's Apartment

Carly: [Phone rings] Hello?
Katie: Carly? Hi, it's Katie. Um, I was wondering if you could do me a really big, really important favor?
Carly: Well, that depends. What is it?
Katie: Remember that wedding dress you designed for the B.R.O. fashion show in New York?
Carly: Yes, the one you showed up in at the Lakeview?
Katie: Yeah, that one. Um, I was wondering if I could borrow it again because Simon and I are really actually finally getting married again tomorrow, and I don't have anything to wear. I promise I will be extra careful with it.
Carly: I'm sorry, I can't lend you that dress. It belongs to B.R.O. besides which, it doesn't even fit you.
Katie: Yeah, I know, but I thought, you know, a couple pins here and there -- I won't tell if you won't.
Carly: Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, okay? But like I said, I can't lend you the dress. I'm busy. I have to go. I hope everything works out okay for you. Good-bye.
Craig: Phone calls from my sister can be challenging.
Carly: She wanted to borrow the dress -- the wedding dress I designed for B.R.O.
Craig: And you refused? Why?
Carly: Well, that wouldn't be fair to Barbara and Paul, would it?

Craig's Suite

Bonnie: Huh-uh-uh. Katie, come on, get up. We are not ready to accept defeat.
Katie: I wasn't gonna hurt the dress. The least Carly could have done was just let me borrow it for a couple hours.
Bonnie: Carly shmarly. She's old business. We have to decide on what we're gonna do right now. First things first. We need to call Fashions and see if they'll sell you a dress on credit.
Katie: No.
Bonnie: Okay, well, I just thought maybe I could sneak it past you.
Katie: Yeah, nice try.
Bonnie: What about the Salvation Army? That's not too unconventional for you, is it?
Katie: Okay.
Bonnie: Good, then I'll call them, and every other thrift store in town.
Katie: And what if they don't have anything?
Bonnie: Then we'll just have to start calling family and friends and see if you can borrow a dress.
Katie: Margo already offered.
Bonnie: She did?
Katie: Yeah, but it has water damage from being in the attic.
Bonnie: How bad?
Katie: Let me put it this way -- I'm not gonna get married with a big green stain across my butt.
Bonnie: Okay, well then, we'll just have to figure out something.
Katie: No, we won't. I'm ruined. This wedding is gonna be a disaster, just like the one before. I gotta call Simon.
Bonnie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Call Simon?
Katie: I have to postpone!
Bonnie: No, Katie. Don't do that. Postponing a wedding is serious business, even if you are already married.
Katie: I know that! Don't you think I know that? But what am I supposed to do? It's not like a wedding dress is just gonna drop out of the sky.

Carly's Apartment

Carly: [talking to herself] You're doing the right thing, Carly. Tomorrow you will land in Paris and start a wonderful new life. Hmm. I'll have somebody pick this up. Oh, Jack. I was supposed to marry you in this. Well, I think it's time to make new arrangements.

Craig's Suite

Bonnie: Simon has done all the planning, you can't just back out now because you don't have a dress.
Katie: That's what you said you would do.
Bonnie: True. But I'm spoiled, I'm rich, and I spent most of my life in Europe. Listening to me will only get you in trouble.
[ Knock at the door ]
Katie: Hopefully that's someone who wants to kidnap me. Oh, Carly.
Carly: Hi, Katie.
Katie: Hey, Craig's not here right now.
Carly: No, I know. I checked at the desk to be sure that he was out. Can I come in?
Katie: Yeah, okay.
Carly: Hey.
Bonnie: Hi, nice to see you.
Carly: I -- I brought this for you.
Katie: What is it?
Carly: It's a wedding dress. It's from a wedding that never happened -- my wedding to Jack.
Katie: And you're giving it to me? Why?
Carly: Well, you need a dress, right? And I'm flying to Paris tomorrow. I thought, what better time to pass it on?
Katie: This is incredible. I mean, it's like this wedding dress just --
Bonnie: Fell from the sky?
Katie: Yeah. I don't know -- thank you. Thank you so much, Carly.
Carly: You're welcome. Good luck. I think you and Simon are really gonna make it.
Katie: Thanks.
Carly: Okay, I'm gonna go and finish getting ready packing.
Katie: I don't know -- I don't even know -- I can't believe that -- thank you so much, Carly. And have a great trip.
Carly: Thanks. Enjoy the dress. You're gonna look beautiful in it.
Bonnie: Bye, Carly.
[Door closes]
Katie: I'm getting married tomorrow!

Simon: Good morning, brother-in-law.
Craig: Hi, brother-in-law.
Simon: Come on. Come on. Aren't you gonna wish me a happy wedding day?
Craig: Okay, well, yes. Good luck again.
Simon: I don't need it -- again. So did anyone call to RSVP?
Craig: Well, you can check the machine yourself.
Simon: You're closer. Ouch. No one's called, and the ceremony's this afternoon.
Craig: Have you seen the yellow pages?
Simon: Oh, yeah, it's in my room. I needed a florist.
Craig: Oh, can you get it for me, please?
Simon: No, I can't, I can't. Katie's in there getting ready, and I can't see her before the ceremony.
Craig: Well, all right. I'll get it myself.
Simon: Hey, wait. Where you -- no, she's getting dressed.
Craig: I'll close my eyes.
Simon: I'll pull them out.
Craig: She's my sister.
Simon: Oh, well, I'm glad you remember. So why aren't you giving her away like I asked you to?
Craig: Simon, you're already married, and Carly is leaving for Paris without me!
Simon: Look -- relax, relax. Okay, I know a sure-fire way to make things right with Carly.
Craig: How?
Simon: Stop being such a selfish, spoiled pig!

Craig: Simon, you've made a career out of marrying for money.
Simon: Oh, see? We have a lot in common, don't we? But you know, I owned up to what I did. Didn't I? So come on, tell me what's wrong with Carly this time? What's going on?
Craig: A minor obstacle.
Simon: Right. Oh, I know. And you need the right gimmick to pull her back in.
Craig: Actually, no.
Simon: And that's why you need the yellow pages. Good thinking, Craig. Always thinking. Up here in the noodle. Use your fingers for the walking. Good luck, man.
[Door Closes]
Katie: Simon?
Craig: It's all clear! He's gone.
Katie: Oh, good. 'Cause if he even gets one little peek at me -- going somewhere?
Craig: I've got an errand.
Katie: Oh, well, I hope it has something to do with a certain sister's wedding. 'Cause it's in only a couple of hours, and it is gonna mean the world to me to have my big brother there to give me away.
Craig: Katie, I've gotta run.
Katie: Oh. But you're gonna be there -- Craig, you can't.
Craig: You're beautiful.
Katie: But you're gonna be there, right? I mean, you're gonna be there, at least. Okay.
[Katie picks up a plant to act as her bouquet and hums "Here Comes The Bride" as she practices walking down the aisle]

[Katie walks out hiding behind a garment bag]
Simon: Excuse me there, bag lady, you wouldn't have happened to have seen my wife, would you?
Katie: Psst, it's me.
Simon: Oh.
Katie: But no staring, only a glance. I'm pushing this superstition to the breaking point as it is.
Simon: Okay, I will do my best not to stare. Any other rules that I should be aware of?
Katie: Let's see -- no staring, no touching, no kissing, no nothing, until we say "I do" for real.
Simon: As you wish. Getting nervous?
Katie: Ah, ah, ah, no. I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. Have you ever wished so hard for something to happen that you were sure that it never would?
Simon: Yeah, I guess. What were you wishing for?
Katie: I have everything that I've ever wanted. But when I was a little girl, touring around with my mom, I did a lot of wishing. I used to create these elaborate weddings with all my dolls and my animals there.
Simon: You took animals with you on the road?
Katie: Ah, ah, hey, hey.
Simon: Sorry. Sorry.
Katie: No, they were stuffed. But they were real to me. My animals were the ones that I could tell my dreams to.
Simon: What like teddy bears? Things like that?
Katie: No, actually. Pretty much everything but bears. I had two little lambs and little kittens and piggy. And I used to pretend that right before the ceremony was about to begin, they would all become real, because I loved them so much. It was like my own personal miracle from God. All my friends were there, my family, my little lambs and piggy -- they were filling the seats of the most beautiful church, all there to watch me marry the love of my life. Second thoughts yet?
Simon: Not a chance. It's incredibly sweet.
Katie: Oh, there's one more miracle, actually. After the vows -- snow.
Simon: Snow?
Katie: Mm-hmm. I know, it sounds kind of crazy. All in the church, like magic.
Simon: Look, Katie, I don't know how many of these miracles I'm gonna to be able to provide, but you know, today's a miracle in itself, right? No matter what the weather, no matter who shows up, underneath here, you probably got the most amazing gown that Carly made --
Katie: Why do I have a feeling that you're not telling me something?
Simon: Okay, I'm not telling you something. The most important thing of all -- I am gonna spend the rest of my life making every single one of your dreams come true.

Church in Luther's Corners

Simon: Just a few more steps okay. All right. Stop. Are you ready?
Katie: Ready.
Simon: So what do you think?
Katie: It's absolutely beautiful. You did all this for me?
Simon: No. I did all this for my gorgeous wife.
Katie: This is so unbelievable, isn't it? We've been together this whole year, but today, we stand in front of this altar, we get married all over again.
Simon: For real.
Reverend: Mr. And Mrs. Frasier?
Simon: Hey.
Reverend: Good to see you.
Simon: You, too.
Katie: It's so exciting to be here.
Reverend: Yes. Well, are you all ready to renew your vows?
Katie: Are you kidding? Does a bear --
Simon: Shh. Yeah. Yeah, we're ready.
Katie: Just as soon as the guests arrive, we'll be all ready.
Reverend: That's wonderful. Now, just out these stairs, down to the dressing rooms, and you can change. I'll be back in time for the ceremony.
Simon: Fantastic.
Katie: Call me crazy. Maybe this is just last-minute jitters or something, but there will be guests here. Won't there?
Simon: People are gonna show up. Look, your sister's handling all that end of things. All right? Your job, Mrs. Frasier, is to be happy and to look beautiful. Because today in this church, this whole place is gonna be full of love. Full of love, I promise.
Katie: Oh, this is gonna be the most beautiful day of my entire life!
[Katie leaves to get changed and Simon looks heavenward]
Simon: Okay please -- do not let her be alone. Please? Not today.

Katie: Simon?
Simon: Wow. You look incredible.
Katie: Really?
Simon: Yes. Beyond stunning. I see you found the bouquet.
Katie: You got this for me?
Simon: Yes. Every bride needs a bouquet, right?
Katie: The perfect groom will do.
Reverend: Mr. and Mrs. Frasier, I hope there hasn't been any confusion among your guests about the time of this wedding.
Simon: No. No, not at all. We're expecting them any minute, actually.
Reverend: You do have witnesses, yes?
Simon: Witnesses?
Katie: You know, most people bring a maid of honor and a best man to sign all the papers and stuff. But it's no big deal. Is it?
Simon: No, no. I mean, it's no big deal, 'cause they -- they are gonna be here any minute. Very soon. Any minute.
Katie: Any minute, Simon?
Simon: Yep.
Katie: I don't even have the right to expect any guests to show up. And a maid of honor for me? Please. I'm not exactly honorable, and I have, like, no friends.
Simon: What are you talking about? What about me?
Katie: I'm your wife, Simon. You have to tolerate me.
Simon: Do you have any idea how unbelievable you are? Katie, you turned my world . You -- God, you perplex and amaze me and I -- I love you for it so much.
Katie: Too bad you're the only one.
Simon: Look, I'm sorry.
Katie: No, no, no, don't, please. Don't you apologize about anything. This is all so beautiful, and it's all you. It's not your fault. It's mine.
Simon: Your fault? What are you talking about?
Katie: When I moved to this town, I was so dead-set on being somebody. Well, I became somebody -- somebody who would steal a job from Molly, who would pretend to be stalked, who would go after Holden, try to get him away from Lily, who would lie to her husband about one of the most precious things in the world -a baby -- just so you wouldn't take off. I wouldn't blame anyone if they wanted to boycott the wedding of someone like that.
[Door opens]
Simon: Hey, hey, hey, listen. Do you hear that? Huh? The guests are arriving.
[Sheep baaing]
Katie: Simon? Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
Simon: Yeah, they're sheep.
Katie: My little lambs. They did come to my wedding. I can't believe it. Lambkins and Larry, hi!
Reverend: Mr. Frasier, I'm afraid that we -- oh, no, how did they get in here? Come on now. Shoo, go back to where you belong.
Katie: No, no, no. Mr. Elkins, they're supposed to be here.
Reverend: No, they're not. They're supposed to be at the farm down the road. I mean, sometimes they wander into the garden, but this is their first time inside the chapel.
Katie: They're here for my wedding. I know it sounds crazy, but it's really simple. I've done a lot of -- awful things in my life. But I confessed and repented, and now all of my dreams are coming true.

Katie: A bride's dreams supposed to come true on her wedding day?
Reverend: Mrs. Frasier, I am most happy to try to fulfill your wishes up to a point. But I have to draw the line at farm animals in the sanctuary. The lambs will have to go, immediately. And if your guests aren't here in the next five minutes, we'll have to postpone the ceremony. My bible study class is due to arrive in the next half hour.
Simon: Okay. That's fine. Thank you.
Katie: It's not gonna happen, isn't it? We don't get to remarry on our wedding day. No witnesses but lambs. Who doesn't love a lamb?
Simon: I am so sorry. You know, I tried to --
Katie: No, no.
Simon: -- Make today so -- no, please.
Katie: No, don't. No, don't, please, Simon. I guess my dreams are just silly. You know -- Simon?
Simon: What the --
Katie: It's snowing! I can't believe it! Simon, my miracle! It's all coming true.

Katie: Simon?
Simon: Katie, this can't be happening.
Katie: It's snowing. It's actually snowing. My miracle. It's all coming true.
Simon: Snow and lambs in the church, just like dreamed when you were a little girl.
Katie: I bet even you have never seen a real, live miracle like this before.
Reverend: I'm sorry to disappoint you, but the explanation is a bit more earthbound. We're having work done on our roof, and I suspect the tarp has blown off.
Katie: Well, that doesn't matter. I have my animals and my snow, just like I've always dreamed. Now, I guess all we need are some guests.
Margo: Hi. I'm not too late, am I?
Katie: No! No. Oh, thank you so much for coming. I knew you wouldn't disappoint I knew it.
Margo: Ah, but did you know that I'm not the only "me?" [Margo opens the door to the vestibule] It hasn't started yet. Come on.
Katie: Oh, my gosh. You came -- all of you. You all came to my wedding. Lily, I'm so glad that you could be here.
Lily: Congratulations. Holden couldn't make it. I'm sorry, but he sends his best.
Katie: Thanks. Well, it looks like he sent a good representative in his place. I have something to show you.
[Katie takes Luke to see the lambs]
Simon: Thank you so much. Tom, thank you. Thank you.
Tom: It's a pleasure. I wouldn't have missed it.
Simon: Thank you all for coming.
Lisa: Nothing I like better than a beautiful wedding.
Tom: Yes, so we noticed, mom.
Simon: Thanks. Thank you.
Nancy: I've been to several weddings, but this is the first that has offered such interesting sounds. [ Lamb baas ] Are those sheep real?
Katie: They're lambs, actually, and they're part of my miracle, just like the snow and all of you.
Margo: Well, Katie, I don't know if we're a miracle. I mean, I just put out the call that you and Simon were renewing your vows, and I had a lot of takers.
Katie: Well I'm so glad you did, 'cause for a while there, I thought -- thank you all for being here so much. [ to Simon ] And thank you.
Simon: Me? Hey, I had nothing else better to do today.
Katie: This is perfect. Well, I guess we get to have a real wedding like normal people.
Margo: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You don't know the half of it.
Simon: What is this about? This should be good.
Margo: [ Margo, Lily and Bonnie takes off the overcoats to reveal matching bridesmaids dresses ] Meet your bridesmaids.
Katie: Oh, my gosh. You look beautiful. Well, as long as we're going that extra mile, maybe I can have a Maid of Honor? Any takers?
Lily: Why don't you just pick?
Katie: Okay. Eeney, meany, miney, moe.
Bonnie: Oh, what are you doing?
Katie: Well, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Lily: Margo's your sister, so maybe that would be the most appropriate choice.
Katie: Well, that's what I would like, if you would like?
Margo: I'd be honored.
Katie: Oh, thank you so much.
Reverend: Ladies and gentlemen, the livestock are getting restless.
Simon: Ah, yes. Thank you for your patience, Reverend. Let's get the show under way.
Katie: Wait!
Simon: What? What now? What?
Katie: We need a best man for you.
Simon: It's not important.
Tom: It is important. And since I'm already your brother-in-law, wouldn't I be first in line?
Isaac: Hey, it's hard to argue with a lawyer.
Tom: Very bright man.
Simon: Tom, I would be honored. Thank you.
Tom: You're welcome.
Reverend: People, the time has come. Here. Yes, very good. We're making progress. Ladies and gentlemen
Katie: Wait.
Reverend: Now what?
Katie: I don't have anyone to give me away.
Craig: [walks in the back of the church holding Snickers] Oh yes you do.

Craig: I couldn't miss this, oh sister of little faith.
Katie: Cutting it kind of close, Craig.
Craig: I missed your first wedding to Simon. I couldn't miss the rerun, could I?
Katie: Why did you bring Snickers?
Craig: I thought you might want to have him. I think he kind of looks good with my tuxedo, doesn't he?
Katie: Oh, yeah. Nice touch with the bow. Hi, Snickers I'm so glad you're here.
Craig: Me, too.
Reverend: Excuse me. Are you -- it's probably safer if I don't ask.
Katie: He's my brother, and he's going to be giving me away.
Craig: Unless we get a cash offer.
Simon: Craig?
Craig: Yeah?
Simon: Snickers, let's get on with this.
Katie: Come on. We're ready. Right?
Simon: Never been more ready in my life.
Reverend: That makes three of us.
Lisa: Let's get on with it. Well, I'm freezing.
Nancy: Me, too.
Reverend: Very well. I promise you, I will be brief. Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered together in this chilly house of God to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Who gives this woman to this man in marriage?
Craig: I do.
Reverend: The bride and the groom have decided to write their own vows, which they will signify to each other at this time. Simon?
Simon: Katie, you are a treasure above all treasures and I promise I will always, always treat you that way -- with love, kindness, compassion and understanding. Especially because there's a lot I don't understand. [ Laughter ] With you, life is always an adventure, and I cannot wait to spend every single second with you. By virtue of being you, you have changed my life and set me free. I love you with all my heart, and I'm proud that you are my wife.
[Katie kisses Simon]
Reverend: Katie, that part comes later.
Katie: Sorry.
[Laughter ]
Reverend: Would you like to say your vows now?
Katie: Yes, I would. Actually, I wrote a poem. Not a very good poem. I kind of messed up sometimes with the rhyming, and not all the words fit. Sometimes, I had problems fitting --
Reverend: Nonetheless, nonetheless, we are all anxious to hear it -- very, very anxious.
Katie: Okay. Here it goes. [Hero plays under Katie's poem while a montage flashes by]

Dear Simon, today is the day we get married for real.
No one can imagine the way that I feel.
It started in a car, though it stood very still.
A magical night, a wonderful thrill.
And then, we got married kind of quick -- one, two, three.
You wanted your green card, and I wished you'd want me.
You weren't always nice, but I wasn't discouraged.
We still found some fun, and my love was encouraged.
I searched for your diamond, got plane wrecked instead.
Then I missed you so much, nearly wished I was dead.
Then you came to my rescue over the sea.
On the way home, you said you loved me.
We've been through a lot, things both funny and sad.
But when we're together, things never were bad.
It's such a great feeling to be sharing your life.
So I'll sign off with from Katie, your wife.

[The strains of Hero fading] And you take my breath away.
You take my breath away

Katie: Okay, I have a couple of other things to say, but they don't rhyme. I was a child when I dreamed about what my wedding day would be like, and when we married the first time, I was a child, but I've grown up. I guess what happens when you love someone more than you love yourself and I do. I love you with my whole heart, Simon, and I know that you are the reason behind every good thing that will ever happen in my life.
Reverend: I don't believe there's anything left for me to say. So by the power vested in me by the State of Illinois, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Simon, you may kiss the bride.
Simon: It's about time.

Nancy: Now Katie, remember, if you two ever want to borrow my car --
Katie: Oh, thank you so much.
Simon: Thank you, thank you. Thanks for coming.
Lisa: I wish you all the happiness in the world.
Katie: Oh, thank you, Lisa.
Lisa: Oh, yes. Beautiful.
Katie: Margo. Oh, how am I ever going to repay you for everything you did for me today?
Margo: Are you guys busy this weekend?
Simon: No.
Katie: No.
Margo: Want to baby-sit Daniel?
Tom: Good one.
Simon: Okay.
Katie: Okay.
Simon: Tom, thank you so much once again for standing up for me.
Tom: I'm only going to do it once.
Simon: Well, that's all I'm going to need.
Tom: Congratulations.
Katie: Thank you so much for being here.
Tom: See you.
Katie: I love you.
Craig: If you hurt her, I'm going to rip off your arm and beat you around the head with it.
Simon: Yeah? That's what I was going to do to you if you didn't show up. Thanks, man.
Craig: It was a beautiful day, Katie, and you were the most beautiful part of it.
Katie: Thanks. You like my dress? Carly gave it to me.
Craig: She did?
Katie: It was supposed to be for her wedding to Jack a long time ago. So how are things going with you two?
Craig: Oh, they're not. She's going to Paris without me. In fact, I think she's on her way to catch a plane to New York as we speak.
Katie: So what are you doing here still? Go to the airport, get a ticket, follow her.
Craig: It's not that simple, Katie.
Katie: Yes, it is. It can be. Listen, if I had never followed Simon to Malta, I don't think we'd be here row. What do you think?
Simon: That's right sometimes the extra insanity makes all the difference.
Craig: Well, I'll think about the insanity, but when you come in, knock on my door. We'll toast to your happiness.
Katie: Thanks for everything, Craig.
Craig: Yeah. Come on, Snickers. I've got a special carrot for you.
Katie: Oh, my. How about this day? One surprise after the other?
Simon: I have a feeling that is what life is going to be like with you, Katie -- surprising, amazing and fun -- lots and lots of fun.
Katie: Just like you, husband.
Simon: Oh, and you, my very dear wife.
Katie: Guess what I wanna do right now.
Simon: I don't know about that. This is still a church.
Katie: I know. It will be exciting.
Simon: Exciting, yes. It'll be that, all right. But let's just wait until we get home.
Katie: No, we just got married here. We can do it here.
Simon: What if someone walks in?
Katie: I don't care. They can watch if they want.
Simon: "Watch"? "Watch," you really have come a long way, haven't you?
Katie: Why are you being so weird about this?
Simon: "Weird??
Katie: Come on. We can do it right here in this pew.
Simon: No, listen to me. The last thing I wanna do is let you down on your wedding day, okay? There is no way that I am gonna make love to you here, in this pew, in front of --
Katie: What?! Make love? In a church? What do you think I am?
Simon: What are you talking about?
Katie: Opening presents. Aren't you just dying of curiosity?
Simon: Yeah. Yeah, I can't wait another minute. Here, you go first.
Katie: You mean it?
Simon: Yes.
Katie: Hmm, you really are the best husband in the world.
Simon: I know.

Katie: I never thought this would happen.
Simon: What? We'd be spending our wedding night in bed with our clothes still on?
Katie: No. That we'd have a wedding. A real one, with real guests and real presents. This one's from Nancy Hughes.
Simon: Okay, and this one here is from me.
Katie: Don't you want to see what's inside?
Simon: No, I don't.
Katie: A blender. Simon, I've always wanted one of these.
Simon: Why? What for?
Katie: To blend things. And look, a recipe book and everything.
Simon: Okay, I tell you what -- why don't we blend our wedding day with our wedding night and get this honeymoon started.
Katie: Um -- I have a great idea.
Simon: So did I. It's right here.
Katie: No, I'll be right back.
Simon: Katie! [ Sighs ] At least I know I'll never be bored.

Katie: Mmm, you are gonna love my frozen daiquiris. And tomorrow, I'm gonna get some fresh tomatoes. I'm gonna make you zesty blend salsa.
Simon: I'm starting to get appliance envy. Hi, I'd like to introduce myself. Hi, I'm the guy who said, "I do." Nice to meet you.
Katie: Oh, and you looked so sweet saying it.
Simon: Really?
Katie: Mm-hmm.
Simon: I'll tell you what, then. I don't think there's any guru in the entire that wouldn't say that we should make love right now to make our marriage real.
Katie: And we will. I'm gonna spend the rest of my life making sweet, passionate love to you.
Simon: Then let's get started.
Katie: After I make you something with our brand-new blender.
Simon: Oh, Katie.
Katie: Please! Nothing says marriage like a blender. This is the ultimate wedding gift.
Simon: Okay, not even that?
Katie: We wore these for an entire year, and it didn't mean anything. That's why no one gave us anything, 'cause they knew that it wasn't real. But now we have a blender. And I wanna make something for my husband, because he really is officially my husband now.
Simon: Well, you know, one day we're gonna have a lot of things, and you can make me whatever you want. And I'm gonna go for it all -- your zesty salsa, your crock-pot chicken. But right now, the only thing I want to make is sweet, sweet love to you.
Katie: Simon?
Simon: Yes?
Katie: Do you think we'll really have a crock-pot?
Simon: Yes. We might even have a kitchen to put it in.
Katie: Ooh, with red and white gingham curtains and a stainless steel sink?
Simon: I tell you what -- why don't we decorate this bedroom first with our clothes?
Katie: No. Since we don't have a kitchen yet and we don't even have anywhere to live, will you please just indulge me and let me make you a daiquiri? Because it would make me so happy. I've never felt so married.
Simon: Ahh! Okay, sure. You can make a daiquiri.
Katie: Okay.
Simon: But don't mind me. I'm just gonna stand here and make sure none of it gets on your robe, here.
Katie: Okay. Mmm. We need just a little more rum. And some more strawberries -- okay, and some you.
[Blender whirs]

Simon: Okay, you are now officially daiquiri-free. Except, except, come here. Delicious, Mrs. Frasier. I can't wait to taste what else you've got.
Katie: Who knew cooking could be so much fun?
Simon: Oh, Katie. Let the honeymoon commence. [ Knock at the door ] Go away! We are newlyweds! Yeah.
Katie: Wait, wait, wait. I was expecting this.
Simon: Expecting what on our wedding night?
Katie: Lily said she was gonna try to get an advanced copy.
Simon: A copy of what?
Katie: Tomorrow's paper. It was gonna be a surprise. The society editor said that we couldn't really be getting married since we already were married, but I told her, yes, we could, and so she said when, and I said, "I don't know." So, it's supposed to be a surprise and -- yes, here it is! "At Luther's Corners, Mr. and Mrs. Simon Frasier were married today. It is a second marriage for both of them to each other." Isn't that sweet?
Simon: Oh, so sweet.
Katie: "The groom has been married four other times, all ending in divorce."
Simon: Katie?
Katie: What?
Simon: I really wish you didn't do this.

Katie: What is it? Is there something wrong with my announcement?
Simon: No, no, it's just -- look, I'm not very proud of my past. Okay? And seeing it all here in black and white, I just -- I just don't think it was a very good idea to publicize our marriage.
Katie: Whatever happened before we fell in love doesn't matter.
Simon: No. No, taking advantage of those women was wrong. And anyone reading this might think that our marriage is a sham, okay, like those other ones. I don't want to be the cause of any -- any gossip, or anything else that might hurt you.
Katie: I don't care what people say. Unless you --
Simon: Unless what? Unless I what?
Katie: No. I'm not going to ask you this.
Simon: No, no, come here, come here. We're married, Katie. We have a blender. You can ask me anything.
Katie: Okay. Are you really afraid that people will talk? Or are you afraid that you and I will end up like all your other marriages did?
Simon: Okay, listen to me. Katie? Look, I believe in our marriage. There is no way you're going to end up like those other women, because I'm not the same man.
Katie: I just thought that you would be so proud of that announcement. And when you weren't, it was like you weren't proud us and of our marriage.
Simon: No, no, it's not that. I was upset. I'm upset. I'm upset at myself, not you.
Katie: But what if you get angry some day, and our marriage and our vows and our blender and everything we have isn't enough to keep you here, and you leave?
Simon: I'm not going to leave you ever. For no reason will I ever leave you. We are married for life. You know? And a couple of lamps and a kitchen appliance didn't make that happen, you did. Katie, you changed me into someone who could love enough to make a commitment, and I made that to you today, forever.
Katie: I've just never had anything like this before, a relationship that isn't going to disappear.
Simon: Yeah, well, we're both pretty inexperienced in this department. So that's why we have to learn together.
Katie: But what if--
Simon: What? No. Look, I have been married five times, yes. But you are my first wife. No matter what we've been or we haven't been, that's all in the past. And it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is right now, the present and the future -- our future, our amazing future.
Katie: Oh, wait.
Simon: No, no, no.
Katie: I just have to change into my pretty outfit.
Simon: You shouldn't be changing, you should be taking things off.
Katie: Oh, no, no. I have to, have to. It's good luck. My numerologist said it has just the right number of buttons. And my feng shui consultant says it's just the right color. And don't worry, because my astrologist says that romance comes to those who wait.
Simon: It better. Hurry back.

Simon: Hey, there. Hope we're not too late.
Margo: No, no, no. You're just on time. Hi, Katie.
Katie: Hi.
Tom: Simon, Katie -- so how is married life? I mean, real married life.
Katie: It's great. One big adventure after the next, you know? And this is one big milestone, I have to say. With all the friends you guys have, you invite me and Simon for our first couple night out.
Simon: Yes. Yes, it is. Thank you.
Tom: Actually, I'm gonna go check on the table.
Katie: Why don't you go with Tom? And take your time.
Simon: Wow, that was subtle. I mean, if you want to spend some alone time with Margo, you just have to ask, that's all.
Katie: I want to spend some alone time with --
Simon: No! Take your time.
Margo: Wow, he is crazy for you, huh? So what's up?
Katie: Okay, I need your advice on the wedding announcement that I put in the paper. Simon didn't like it, and I don't want to stuff it in his face.
Margo: Katie, why on earth did you announce to the world that Simon had been married four other times?
Katie: Isn't it obvious? To tell all those other Mrs. Frasiers to back off. Simon's mine.

Margo: So Simon's ex-wives are coming back to haunt you?
Katie: No, not really.
Margo: You just want me to check into his past a little bit?
Katie: No, no, no, no. It's not that bad, it's just --
Margo: It's just ought to worry you.
Katie: I just don't understand why he got so upset about it. He threw it in the trash.
Margo: You don't think it embarrasses him to have his other wives listed for the whole world to see?
Katie: Well, it shouldn't. Our marriage is the only one that should count. It's weird, it's like he wanted to keep it secret or something.
Margo: You don't think that Simon is still married to one of those other women, do you?
Katie: No, no. The I.N.S. would have found out a long time ago. And plus, I totally trust him now. Every time he looks at me, I know he's just thinking of me.
Margo: Hmm, you two have come such a long way. It's amazing. So, what? You think that Simon thinks that this announcement is sending up a red flag?
Katie: Exactly. Like one of his ex-wives is gonna come crawling out of the woodwork or something.
Margo: Well, that'd get sticky. You know what they say about a woman scorned.
Katie: Oh, and she better watch out because I will totally take her on if she comes sniffin' around.
Margo: Oh, you are so tough. But, Katie, what if one of those exes is dangerous?
Katie: You are always thinking like a cop, you know that?
Margo: Yeah, I am. And while we're on the subject -- don't get me wrong -- I like Simon, I do, finally. But what do you really know about him?
Katie: I know he loves me.
Margo: Katie, my little sister, take it from someone who has been married for a very long time, both happily and unhappily -- when the going gets rough, sometimes love just isn't enough.

Tom: Okay, they are booked solid. But our table will be ready in 15 minutes.
Katie: Oh, great. That'll give me time to powder my nose.
Margo: Oh, yeah. Look at the shine on my face.
Tom: What?
Margo: I don't know.
Simon: Hey, look, I'm sure I washed.
Tom: So what is the big confab?
Simon: I don't know, but I suspect it's about me.
Tom: You guys aren't having troubles already, are you?
Simon: No, not at all. Look, we just don't agree on me continuing to work for Craig.
Tom: Why, I thought he'd been very generous. It's gotta beat living next to that garage, right?
Simon: No, it's been fine. It's just, Craig's pretty slippery, he's sly --
Tom: I think this is the point where I tell you that I have agreed to become Craig's attorney again.
Simon: Oh. Sorry.
Tom: No, no, I knew what I was getting into. Besides, I thought Lucinda was gonna hire you.
Simon: How'd you hear that?
Tom: I heard it from the queen bee herself. What happened, did that fall through?
Simon: I don't know, I haven't heard a word from her since she first mentioned it. Are you gonna be seeing her anytime soon?
Tom: I'm sure I will. Can tell here you're still interested, if you like.
Simon: That'd be great. The sooner Katie and I get off Craig's ticket into our place, the better.
Tom: Really? What's the rush? Don't you guys want to save some money first?
Katie: We're back.
Simon: Yes, you are. And incredibly un-shiny.
Katie: Oh, how noble of you to notice.

[Phone rings]
Tom: Oh, come on -- prepare yourselves. This might be an evening for three.
Margo: No, no. It might just be Shanks with tonight's transports. Now, think positively.
Tom: Happens all the time.
Margo: [on the phone] Margo Hughes. Oh, hi, Adam. What's -- everything okay?
Adam: Well, Daniel was a little upset when it first happened, but he's okay now, so --
Margo: When what happened?
Adam: Well, I'm not really sure, but the window in Daniel's room is broken, and, mom, somebody put up a ladder outside the window.
Margo: A ladder? Did you call the police?
Tom: Hey, what's happening?
Adam: Yeah, yeah. I called them.
Margo: It looks like somebody tried to break in. Adam, you didn't touch anything, did you?
Adam: No, no, no. I know the drill.
Margo: Well, why don't you and Billy take Daniel and get out of the house.
[Sirens]
Adam: Oh, the cops are here.
Margo: All right, we're on our way.
Tom: Come on, tell me about it in the car. Sorry, guys.
Margo: Sorry, guys. Another time.
Simon: No, we understand.
Katie: Go, take care of your family. Call us later. Whoa. That was weird.
Simon: Look, I'd better go cancel our reservation. I haven't even enough money to cover the bar tab.
Katie: Don't worry about it. I know how to handle this. You just shoo. Hi, we're gonna have to put our drinks on my brother's tab. That's Craig Montgomery, penthouse 4.
Bartender: I'm sorry, ma'am, this is only my second night here.
Katie: Oh, no, it's okay. Don't worry about it. We do it all the time. Craig doesn't mind.
Bartender: Still, I'd better check with the Manager.
Katie: Okay.
Dahlia: I knew I recognized you. And then when I heard your voice -- you were on TV, right?
Katie: Oh, well, yes, I was the star anchor at WOAK, but that was over a year ago.
Dahlia: That's right. And you were remarkable. I mean, I remember so clearly. You were so cheerful, so upbeat.
Katie: Well, that's me.
Dahlia: So, why aren't you behind the news desk any longer? You moved on to bigger and better things?
Katie: In fact, I have, if you call falling in love bigger and better. I got married.
Dahlia: Oh, that's too bad.
Katie: Why?
Dahlia: Oh, no, I just had a great idea. Why don't you come work for me?

Katie: Dahlia?
Dahlia: That's right. And you're Katie Peretti.
Katie: Katie Frasier now. So this your business, huh? An exercise studio?
Dahlia: That's right. You see, I'm looking for an aerobics instructor to lead a class a couple of days a week. I just thought since you're not working at the moment --
Katie: Oh, I've never taught aerobics before.
Dahlia: Oh, that doesn't matter. You look like you would be fine in a leotard. I'll make up a class for you, give you some moves. It's your notoriety that I'm interested in.
Katie: Really.
Dahlia: Sure. I mean, I'm always hearing people saying, "where is that cute little anchor girl from WOAK?" We'll make them pay to get the answer.
Katie: Hmm. Well, I have been thinking about starting a new career.
Dahlia: Then it's perfect. Of course, you know that it obviously doesn't pay like television.
Katie: Oh, that's okay. The money's not important to me. I don't really need a job. You see, my husband does really well for himself.
Dahlia: Oh, I'm sure.
Katie: I don't want to be one of those old-fashioned kitchen wives, you know? So -- well, I'll take your card and think about it and give you a call.
Dahlia: Great. One more little thing?
Katie: Sure, what's that?
Dahlia: Could I have your autograph?
Katie: Oh. Of course. Oh, gosh, to think that I used to do this dozens of times a day.
Dahlia: Thank you so much, Katie. You have been more than kind. Thanks.
Katie: Sure. Craig -- just the man I was looking for. Oh, and Sierra.
Sierra: Hello, Katie.
Katie: Didn't see you. Didn't mean to be rude. Okay, here's the deal -- Tom and Margo invited Simon and me out to dinner, and then they had to take off. And we didn't have enough money to pay the bill, so Simon's actually probably at the ATM right now.
Craig: Low on funds again?
Katie: Well, you haven't exactly paid Simon all the money that you owe him. And by the way, why does that bartender not know that I'm on your tab? I mean, all we had were a couple of drinks. It's so embarrassing --
Craig: Whoa, whoa, whoa -- Katie. I'll take care of it.
Katie: You're the best.
Craig: When I'm paying, right?
Katie: No. I gotta go find Simon.
Craig: Bye.
Sierra: What did you just do?
Craig: I think I just bailed my sister out of an embarrassing situation, I imagine.
Sierra: Are you sure that's all?
Craig: No. But with Katie, it's better to say yes, otherwise, she just wears you down eventually.

Simon: Hey, there? Do you have the Hughes' tab?
Bartender: It's been handled.
Simon: Who handled it?
Bartender: The gentleman over there.
Simon: Oh. Do you know where my wife disappeared to?
Bartender: The pushy little blonde?
Simon: No, she's not really blonde, is she?
Katie: Au naturale. Right, honey.
Simon: Oh, hello, baby. What's got you looking so happy?
Katie: Oh, things are just looking up, that's all.
Simon: "Things?" Things? What are things? What things?
Katie: You, me, our future. I just have a feeling everything's going to work out.
Simon: You are the eternal optimist, aren't you? No doubt one of the reasons why I love you so much?

Simon: There you are.
Katie: Oh, thank you so much, Simon. I love them. They're so soft. And faux fur, very PC.
Simon: Yeah, well, that's me. Okay, where's mine?
Katie: Now you open mine.
Simon: Come on. Okay. Wow! Just what every real man should have.
Katie: That's right.
Simon: Look at this. Awesome. I haven't seen one with so many attachments.
Katie: Well, that's because I got you the sportsman carpenter executive safari model.
Simon: Mmm.
Katie: See, this thing right here is for cutting through metal.
Simon: Mm-hmm.
Katie: And this right here is a wire cutter and a lock pick.
Simon: For getting out of Maltese prisons?
Katie: Yeah, but not quite as fun.
Simon: Thank you.
Katie: Just the perfect gift for an international man of mystery.
Simon: Well, well, well. There's nothing now I cannot do. Thank you, Pussy Galore.
Katie: Oh, yes, that's me. You're beautiful, adventurous and it helps you fight evil. And when business is slow --
Simon: Business is pretty slow right now. Come here.
Katie: Ooh, wait. I almost forgot. One more thing for you, mister.
Simon: What do you mean, one more thing? Don't show me up. I only got you one present.
Katie: It's okay, baby. You have given me everything I have ever wanted. Let me get you this one special thing, okay?
Simon: Ok.
Katie: Okay. Let me just get ready. And of course, I have to set the proper atmosphere. I thought of this myself!
Simon: Yeah, well, that's almost never a good sign.

Simon: Come on, Katie, come out. I'm ready. Katie? This music's starting to get very -- very weird. Katie? Okay, I'm ready. You can come out any time you want. Any time, just come on out. Okay, what are you, the mad executioner, or -- ?
Katie: I am the ghost of Christmas yet to come.
Simon: Oh, great, I had to ask, didn't I?
Katie: Simon Frasier, this is your gift. Open it up, and your future will be revealed.
Simon: Look, baby, you didn't have to get all dressed up for me to take the garbage out. You know, I would have done it.
Katie: I meant our future. Open the bag, and you will see our future.
Simon: Okay. Our future. A dog? Our future has a dog in it.
Katie: It is a golden retriever named Rex.
Simon: Rex. Rex. Down, Rex. And a -- ooh, a pink house. Look, I don't know, Barbie. I'm not really --
Katie: We can paint. We can paint it.
Simon: Okay. And a -- and a car, a car, a key chain, a --
Katie: It's a Lamborghini.
Simon: A Lam --
Katie: And we're gonna get one.
Simon: A Lamborghini? How and when are we gonna get a Lamborghini?
Katie: When we get rich!
Simon: You are a freak!
Katie: A good one, though, right?
Simon: Yes. You know I hate to disappoint you, but --
Katie: O , what, you don't like your gifts?
Simon: No. I love -- I love the gifts, and I love you even more. It's just that, look -- I only got you mittens and a hat.
Katie: And a scarf.
Simon: And a scarf, yes, because we're broke! We're living here, off your brother, and I can't seem to get a full-time job.
Katie: It's okay, things will get better.
Simon: Yeah, maybe they will. Maybe Lucinda will get me a job, I don't know.
Katie: See? And I'll get a job, and then we'll be rolling in it.
Simon: Whoa, wait, wait -- whoa, wait. What's this about you getting a job?
Katie: I can work. Are you a secret sexist?
Simon: No. No. I think you can work. I think you can do whatever you want to do. But how are you gonna afford a Lamborghini?
Katie: What? Don't you think I can bring home the bacon?
Simon: Absolutely. You can get any job out there. Now, holding onto it, you know, that's a different story.

Simon: I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.
[Holding the stuffed dog and barking]
Katie: Could you pass me the red polish? Oh.
Simon: Look, I didn't mean to insult you when I said that you couldn't hold onto a job.
Katie: I wanted "vamp" red.
Simon: It's just that you don't have the best track record when it comes to employment, you know? Hey, exactly -- who am I to talk? Neither do I.
Katie: I just might surprise you one day, you know?
Simon: Oh, baby, come on. You surprise me every single day.
Katie: I'm talking about a job. Remember that newspaper article I showed you? Last year? When it talked about me as a noted television personality?
Simon: I think the word was "notorious."
Katie: Same difference. The point is, there is a market out there for people like me. Okay? And if I get the right job that utilizes all of my talents, I could go straight to the top.
Simon: Yes, you could. And win another Endicott Award.
Katie: Laugh all you want, mister. But I am gonna get a job, a very, very good job. Maybe something in a brand-new field.
Simon: mm-hmm.
Katie: And I'm gonna make so much money that I'm gonna become rich and famous.
Simon: Ooh.
Katie: Care to make a wager?
Simon: I thought you'd never ask.
Simon: All right. So the bet is --
Katie: That I get and keep a job that will pay so much money, all our dreams will come true. By next Christmas we will have that Lamborghini.
Simon: And if we don't? If you lose the bet?
Katie: Black or red?
Simon: Well, I'm kinda partial to orange. Look, I tell you what -- if anyone can pull this off, you can.
Katie: Oh, thanks.
Simon: Yeah, but in between now and next Christmas, we need some cash -- to look after Rex. 'Cause I'm gonna go rob some little kids of their toys and sell 'em off.
Katie: Oh, sounds like fun. Take your time.
[Katie remembering her meeting in the bar]
Katie: Oh, I've never taught aerobics before.
Woman: Oh, that doesn't matter.
Listen, you look like you would be fine in a leotard.
I'll make up a class for you, give you some moves.
It's your notoriety that I'm interested in.
Katie: Think I can't get us rich? Think again, sweetheart.