F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, "Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me." The general public has taken this phrase to heart. Wealthiness has created an odd aura of saintliness around several unsanitary characters, such as the slutty Princess of Wales, and elevated others to the level of would-be Antichrists, such as those who blame David Rockefeller for all the world's problems. Millions of brain-dead paparazzi depend on candid photos of rich people for their well-being. And being rich serves as a springboard for political office.
The public has certainly remembered this old adage. Less remembered is Ernest Hemingway's response: "Yes, the very rich are different from you and me. They have more money." Hemingway's critique reveals that wealth is the only thing separating the rich from the hoi polloi. However, many parents set a goal for their children to become rich, and attempt to name them for success.
In the popular mind, the very rich are named differently from the commoners. They carry such names as Nigel, Preston, Josiah, and other ridiculous monikers. They also use both their mother's and father's names in hyphenated form, to proudly display their pedigree. This is nowhere displayed better than with the WWF's supposed blue-blood, Hunter Hearst-Helmsley.
Careful inspection of the names of the rich kills this notion. David Rockefeller. Joseph, John, Robert, and Edward Kennedy. William F. Buckley. Bill Gates. Diana Spencer. Charles Windsor. Ted Turner. These are all rather common first names, and do not display any snobbishness. The only very rich man with an odd name is Rupert Murdoch, and that can be excused because he is Australian.
Not only do these "social climber" names reveal one's lower birth status, they may dash a child's dreams for the future. I.N.C.H. documentation of baby names at a nearby hospital reveals one child born with the unlikely name of "Preston W. Nebel-Trowridge". A child named "Preston W. Nebel-Trowridge" will never be able to associate with ordinary people. Would you watch a fishing show hosted by a man named "Preston"? Or would you play pool with a man named "Preston"? No, because men named "Preston" are supposed to be in corporate boardrooms. Only they aren't, because corporate executives recognize a blatant attempt at social climbing when they see it. And so, excluded from the lives of both the rich and the rest of us, the child dies, friendless, jobless, and alone.
Examples of the "Bogus Blue-Blood" Category:
- Actually, there are no famous people with "Bogus Blue-Blood" names. Just goes to show you how ineffective they are at attracting fame and fortune.