ANYA:
This is the man
That I plan to entangle
Isn't he fine?
My claim to fame
Was to maim and to mangle
Vengeance was mine
But I'm out of the biz
The name I made I'll trade for his
The only trouble is
I'll never tell
XANDER:
She is the one
She's such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace
Warm in the night
When I'm right
In her tight embrace
Tight embrace
I'll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that - no
I'll never tell
ANYA and XANDER:
Cause there's nothing to tell
ANYA:
He snores
XANDER:
She wheezes
ANYA:
Say housework and he freezes
XANDER:
She eats these skeezy cheeses
that I can't describe
ANYA:
I talk,
he breezes
XANDER:
She doesn't know
what please is
ANYA:
His penis got
diseases from a Chumash tribe
ANYA and XANDER:
The ride gets kind of
scary
XANDER:
Like she thinks I'm
ordinary
ANYA:
Like it's all just
temporary
XANDER:
Like her toes are
kinda hairy
ANYA and XANDER:
But it's
all very well
Cos God knows I'll never tell
ANYA:
When things get rough, he
Just hides
behind his Buffy
Now look, he's getting
huffy
Cos he knows that I know
XANDER:
She clings, she's needy
She's also very greedy
She never
ANYA (Interrupting):
His eyes
are beady
XANDER:
This is my verse,
hello!
ANYA (spoken): Look at me, I'm dancing crazy!
Interlude, In Which Anya And Xander Dance In A Manner Far Stranger Than Tara's
XANDER and ANYA:
You know
XANDER:
You're quite the charmer
ANYA:
My knight in armor
XANDER:
You're
the cutest of the Scoobies
With your eyes
as red as rubies
And your firm yet supple
tight embrace
ANYA:
He's swell
XANDER:
She's sweller
ANYA:
He'll
always be my feller
XANDER:
That's why
I'll never tell her
That I'm petrified
ANYA:
I've read this tale
There's
wedding then betrayal
I know there'll
come the day I'll want to run and hide
ANYA and XANDER:
I lied, I said it's easy
I've tried, but there's these fears I
can't quell
XANDER:
Is she looking for
a pot of gold?
ANYA:
Will I look good
when I've gotten old?
XANDER:
Will our
life become too stressful
If I'm never that successful
ANYA:
Will I get so old and wrinkly
That I
look like David Brinkley
XANDER:
Am I crazy?
ANYA:
Am I dreamin'?
XANDER:
Am I marrying a demon?
ANYA
and XANDER:
We could really raise the
beam in making marriage a hell
So thank
God I'll never tell
I swear that I'll never tell
XANDER:
My
lips are sealed
ANYA:
I plead the
Fifth
XANDER:
Nothing to see, move it
along
ANYA and XANDER:
I'll never tell