Stop thinking this way honey, it's getting you absolutely nowhere. Don't you realise that don't you realise that you'll die ugly and red and most of all without a brain? You'll never find the rose, any rose, not even a Chinese Lantern at the rate you're going. You think you can then won't, decide when it's too late... buy flowers in June and expect them to still be ready on Valentine's Day. What you can get, you spit out, it's not so tasty anymore when it's free... but now, now, very now EVERYTHING has a price EVERYTHING and you know what? - there's a dead end, it will always cost, you will be never happy until you bid the ultimate price and get what you have so long wanted, so long so much that the feeling will not die because you have been to the opposite extreme and you DIDN'T, no sir you DIDN'T like it. So when I am desperate and sweating, ugly, itching for a cuppa - still nothing? - I don't know. No formula for this problem Einstein, it's every day for itself, laughing at me, mocking (otherwise quiet, if not happy, but I daren't feel...). So how do I make the choice, now, though I don't have it? Should I ignore for the sake of the left half of the upper marble - or dream, smelling whatever scent as long as it's not too ugly? The decision is not forced (and will never) but I should like to know, that is, if you'd like to tell me... is it so hard, is it that vital a part of the divine blueprints that I do not even get a fleeting look, a glance at my life? A peek? Just so I know, whether to... but then, looking at the answers is CHEATING so roll on tenderfate