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Over
my years at 680, plenty was said and done that changed our lives forever.
The five inmates: Ali, Elle, Chelly, Cameron, and Alex; had one hell
of a time in '99. I was the first to go in February 2000, closely followed
by Cam, Elle, Alex, and finally Ali. Who knows who lives there now.
They'll never live up to the legend... below are a collection of my
own recorded quotes from the era of 680.
|
| "I've got to have something to wash the toast out of my nostrils!" |
| - After choking on toast, taking a drink of milk, and choking on that, too |
| "Wessel isn't that little." |
| - I meant height-wise. Obviously |
| "Well, my dad's got a 36 inch one!" |
| - I meant his television. Obviously |
| "I woke up and the only person in my bed was Alex." |
| - And I mean ONLY person. He thieved my bed after a party, I was relegated to the couch |
| "Get it all in there and I'll do it later." |
| - As in, dishes. I'm not sure what Alex thought I meant |
| "Mmmmmmmm, Elvis." |
| - Actually, this was "Mmmm. Elvis." Two separate sentences. Elvis was a friend of ours |
| "I hate screwing people for money." |
| - In reference to suing the bus company, after my unfortunate collision with one (see Chelsea Moments) |
| "At least I had contraception." |
| - I have no idea |
| "You've got a gigantic phallus." |
| - Alex was holding a huge cucumber. That was all |
| "Pedro's got my leg and it's not cramp!" |
| - I was wrestling Pedro. Beyond that, I don't have a clue |
| "Whose bollocks?" |
|
- Random verbal diarrhoea |
| "I'm gonna try me and Greg now." |
| - While playing the numbers-name-love game, with Whose Line? cast members as potential matches |
| "It's better than a dead foetus!" |
| - In reference to a South Park episode, everything from that point on was better than a dead foetus |
| "You know how I am with reactions, I don't have any." |
| - In reaction (ha!) to Alex's tormenting. For some reason he found this very funny |
| "Everyone knows all politicians are honourable." |
| - I meant, all politicians go by the prefix Rt. Hon. or, Right Honourable. Whether they live up to that... |
| "I think I'll just go back to my Michael Galvin dreams." |
| - After waking up early one Saturday, getting up, and having everything go wrong |
| "This is my idea of foreplay." |
| - I have no idea |
| "He's quite preppy-looking. I mean, without his clothes." |
| - In reference to Nick. Was trying to make my "guy type" clear to Elanor |
| "Cameron and I love each other." |
| - I don't know. In situations of Flat 680 conflict, I always sucked up to Cameron |
| "I'm going to drink so much I go insane." |
| - And I did! |
| "If I was being paid, I'd be professional!" |
| - I think this one is actually just as dodgy as it sounds |
| "Hey! You're rubbing too long and too hard!" |
| - Cameron was rubbing something. I'm not sure what, but it wasn't pleasant |
| "Something's gotten hold of my heart... look! It's Tony!" |
| - The perils of singing in Burger King, while looking out the window for arriving friends |
| "That was the most inappropriate place you could have put that, Alex." |
| - I really don't remember. But Alex was generally inappropriate |
| "There's even more flesh up there!" |
| - While wrestling Cameron. I was referring to his chest |
| "Are you all right?... you beautiful woman." |
| - In the midst of a stupid compliments game Elanor and I were playing. We almost died laughing |
| "Let's do it with apples, it's more fun." |
| - I was bobbing for something. I think |
| "Luckily, it's all in my mouth." |
| - Back in the days when 680's favourite game was "make Chelly spit out her food" |
| "We've got nothing in common. I mean, she's got a baby and I DON'T have a baby..." |
| - In reference to old friend Emma, who obviously, has a baby. I didn't mean it to sound bitter... |
| "I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought was violate Cameron." |
| - It wasn't, really. But it made a good story |
| "Yeah! 14 seconds!" |
| - The most commonly requoted 680 quote, it came about after I was eagerly awaiting a microwave dinner |
| "Damn sexy, you and Pat, in front of a roaring fire, naked." |
| - I don't know. I think... no, I don't know. |
| "I wouldn't be breeding if it was Mark." |
| - I think I actually meant "bleeding". But that doesn't make any more sense |
| "Dead, dead as a horse." |
| - After reading an article about a horse. A dead horse |
| "Ideally I'd be sitting on your face now." |
| - While wrestling Cameron. My boyfriend was not impressed |
| "I'm going to test your knowledge of various parts of the body." |
| - While wrestling Cameron. My boyfriend was even less impressed |
| "My mother has only ever slept with one man to get a job." |
| - That would be my father. And I think they were already together |
| "That would be so embarrassing, if you confused reality with fantasy." |
| - As I often did. That was the irony |
| "I never thought there'd be a civil defence emergency after I was married." |
| - From a conversation with Elanor. We were trying to decide whether it was best to sleep clothed or naked. We decided it was best to sleep clothed, in case there was an emergency and you had to rush outside. After we were married, however, it was obvious that we'd be sleeping naked. What about the emergency, asked Elanor... |
| "It's not pleasant, bounding across the bathroom with your pants down around your ankles." |
| - Complaining about people not refilling the toilet roll holder |
| "Hey, everyone! Look what I've shaved this year!" |
| - Imitating Alex, pre-Dodgy Party |
| "Let's have a quick one before Mark arrives." |
| - I was referring to cigarettes. Elanor probably wouldn't have appreciated the other |
| "Rub it. Rub it! RUB IT!!!" |
| - I have no idea. Probably to do with Cameron |
| Noo: "He's interested
in this French chick." Chels: "From where?" |
| - On a friend of Vanessa's. Duh |
| "I like the way my mouth feels when I say that." |
| - Random verbal diarrhoea |
| "You're in my room, I can do what I want." |
| - And I did. I don't know what it was, though |
| "I love Shannon." |
| - From a very positive, warm fuzzy day |
[tales from the crypt]
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