ALAKAZAM THE GREAT (1961)
(Saiyu-ki
1961)
Perhaps the producers of this film deliberately selected actors of the dubious stature of Frankie Avalon as the only performers who could possibly match the relentless banality of the animation. The content of the drawings suggests a retarded twelve-year-old wandering aimlessly through the San Diego zoo while under the influence of a massive overdose of LSD. The splashy use of color indicates that the artists for this film had just been given an exciting new box of crayons and quickly proceeded to run amuck; staining every available surface violet, guava, mauve, or "passion fruit," without sympathies for the headaches they would produce in viewers.
Alakazam
(an animated character whose voice is provided by Frankie Avalon) is a magical
monkey who is about to become king of all the animals in Majutsoland. Before
receiving the crown, he is required to jump over a high waterfall and into the
water below in order to prove his courage. Alakazam is worried about performing
the feat and tells his monkey girl friend, Dee-Dee (the voice of Dodie Stevens),
'I'm not sure I'm gonna like this, but when you gotta-you gotta!" Alakazam
goes through with it successfully. He is made king. Next we see Alakazam in his
palace wearing a little kingie crown. He is entertained by a
horde of sexy monkey belly dancers (hubba, hubba ) -each one of them wearing an
Arabian veil and carrying a giant leaf.
Realizing his power, he turns out to be extremely arrogant-and Alakazam
the Great becomes more like Ivan the Terrible. He is so arrogant, in fact,
that he challenges the human king of Majutsoland, King Amo, to a magic contest.
King Amo (who bears a strong resemblance to Buddha) beats Alakazam and locks him
up in a cave with bars. Dee-Dee constantly trudges through snowstorms to see her
beau. The sweet little thing brings with her, on every one of their meetings, a
present for Alakazam: chestnuts. On one visit, she treads her way through a
Nizzard and suddenly faints from exhaustion. It looks as if she is doomed, until
a halo appears from over the mountains. It's Queen Amas, wife of King Amo, aI)d
she says to Dee-Dee, "Yom life will be saved. Love like yours deserves to
be rewarded." Dee-Dee is rejuvenated and Alakazam's prison magically
disappears. Our hopes that the two monkeys will live happily ever after and that
we can leave the theater are quickly dashed as Queen Amas puts a condition on
Alakazam's release: he must go on a pilgrimage with Prince Amat (a bald-headed
fellow adorned with bright red lipstick), son of Queen Amas and King Amo. On
this pilgrimage, Alaka?am must learn humility.
On their travels, Alakazam and Prince Amat meet several
villains. They meet a talking pig with heavy eyebrows. (Gee, we thought only
monkeys talked.) The pig's name is Sir Quiggley Broken Bottom (Jonathan Winters), a member of the MeSnarl Brothers Gang, and he
is suavely dressed in a violet bathrobe and large boots. They also meet Max
Lulipopo, a giant bare-chested cannibal with pearl necklace. His voice is
provided by the ubiquitous Arnold Stang, straight from the classic Dondi
. Instead of killing these two
villains, Alakazam decides to invite them along on the pilgrimage. Suddenly we
hear Dee-Dee's voice happily blurt onto the sound track: "Alakazam, you're
learning humility."
Meanwhile, King Gruesome (an
orange-eyed bull), king of all ogres, has decided to kidnap Prince Amat and
demand a ransom from King Amo. He hires Philo Fester, a pointy-eared midget with
red hair who has a spike protruding from the top of his head and who wears a
leopard-skin loincloth. King Gruesome contacts Fester through a cosmic
television set and Fester proceeds to kidnap Prince Amat. Gruesome explains
why he wants to have the prince kidnapped with a line to delight children of all
ages. "I need that ransom money. That queen of mine wears a mink stole like
nylon."
Prince Amat is finally
recaptured by the pilgrims. Fester gets his comeuppance and in tears he pulls
the spike out of his head and decides to help the good guys. Alakazam meets King
Gruesome and they perform a bullfight in midair above an erupting volcano.
All
this animation is supposed to be artistic. It consists of a lot of glitter, weak
drawings, and red backgrounds. Alakazam finally kills King Gruesome
and returns to his homeland. He is personally congratulated by King Amo and
his wife. This calls for a celebration! Fireworks are ignited and confetti is
thrown as Alakazam, Prince Amat, the pig, and the cannibal walk through a crowd
of cheering monkeys. Alakazam finds Dee-Dee lying sick in her bed. He yells,
"Dee-Dee, I've returned to you!" and Dee-Dee joyously cries, "Oh,
you're back!" Alakazam lovingly tells her, "I'm never going to leave
you again! I'll stay and we can rule this kingdom together!" As our film finally
ends, the narrator (Sterling Holloway) comments, "Now wouldn't you just
know that it would end like this? Everyone living happily ever after and all
that." It just sort of warms your heart, doesn't it?
(From 50 Worst Movies of All Time... a great book!)