What do you call a happy Lassie ?
A jolly collie !What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a hyena ?
I don't know but I'll join in if it laughs !
How do you catch a runaway dog ?
Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone !
What dog loves to take bubble baths ?
A shampoodle !
What is the dogs favourite city ?
New Yorkie !
Why did the snowman call his dog Frost ?
Because frost bites !
Where does a Rottweiller sit in the cinema ?
Anywhere it wants to !
What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic ?
His bark was much worse than it's bite !
What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah ?
A dog that chases cars - and catches them !
What is the only kind of dog you can eat ?
A hot dog !
What is a dog's favourite sport ?
Formula 1 drooling !
How many seasons are there in a dogs life ?
Just one, the moulting season !
Why is it called a "litter" of puppies ?
Because they mess up the whole house !
Dog Owner: My dog's got no nose.
Dog Enquirer: How does it smell then?
Dog Owner: Terrible.
Dog Enquirer: Har. Har.
DOG RULES
1. The dog is not allowed in the house!
2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house,
but only in certain rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms,
but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the OLD furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture,
but is not allowed to
sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. All right, the dog is allowed on the bed,
but ONLY by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants,
but NOT under
the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation ONLY.
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers
with the
dog.
Things Dogs Must Remember...
Just because they don't hear it, doesn't mean they can't
smell it!!
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's
on the toilet.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur
BEFORE entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of
clean carpet in
the
house when I am about to throw up.
WHY DID THE DOG RUN AWAY FROM HOME?
DOGGONE IF I KNOW!
ANDY: DO YOU WANT TO COME OVER AND
PLAY WITH MY NEW DOG?
ZAK: DOES HE BITE?
ANDY: I DON'T KNOW,
DO YOU WANT TO COME OVER AND FIND OUT?
TOM: MY DOGS SO LAZY
LISA: HOW DO YOU KNOW?
TOM: BECAUSE YESTERDAY WHEN
I WAS WATERING THE GARDEN
HE NEVER EVEN LIFTED A LEG TO HELP ME.
JACK: OUR DOG IS LIKE SOMEONE
IN THE FAMILY.
JILL: REALLY WHICH ONE?
WHY DID THE DOG HOWL?
BECAUSE HE WAS BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE!
WHY DOES A DOG CHASE IT'S TAIL?TO MAKE BOTH ENDS MEET
WHAT DO YOU GET IS YOU CROSS
A TRACTOR WITH A DOG?
A LAND ROVER
LADY IN PET STORE: I LIKE THIS DOG
BUT HIS LEGS ARE TO SHORT?
MANAGER: BUT HIS LEGS DO REACH THE FLOOR,
MADAM.
WHAT DO YOU GET IS YOU CROSS A DOG AND A CAT?
AN ANIMAL THAT CHASES ISELF