Dear Delriece...
I am confused about where to go from here. Life at the moment seems
murky, the future unclear.
I'm just about finished coming out of a nasty divorce. But, the thing
that troubles me the most is my Path, and what to do with it.
I come originally from a Christian background. I had "gifts" as a
child, such as The Sight, Dowsing, using a pendulum for divining, etc... but
after I became a Christian at 16, I pretty much buried those gifts.
Eventually, I became somewhat disenchanted with the Church, and sort of
walked away. I "discovered" the Craft in 1993, when I met my first
real-life witch. To be honest, I was horrified at first by her, but at the
same time utterly drawn to her. We spent hours discussing religion, and
she did a very good job of explaining her beliefs to me. Unfortunately,
she moved away.
Then, in late 1997 or early 1998, I had an "experience". I went to a
new restaurant in town that I heard advertised on the radio. It was a
vegan restaurant, owned by witches. It was REALLY a magickal place, and
the atmosphere was quite special. I'll add that their food was terrific!
Well, I was sitting there with my then-wife (who was a Christian), when
something happened to me.....
I'll try to describe it the best way that I can. It was as if I had
been transported somewhere else, or in a trance state. I suddenly felt
wrapped in a cocoon of love. It surrounded me. Thinking back, it was as if
I were in a womb or something. But this feeling of love permeated every
fiber of my being. It "felt" like falling in love for the first time.
Then, there was this woman's voice ringing out.... it said "come home,
you are loved" and it also said something about helping me to fulfill
the longings of my heart.
When I came out of it, my wife was shaking me. She just said it was
like I drifted off daydreaming or something. I was really overwhelmed by
the experience. My wife on the other hand, never wanted to come back
again, because of the witch stuff. A few months later, I was diagnosed
with cancer, had surgery, and spent a lot of time at home surfing the web.
That is when I discovered all of the pagan sites out there.
Anyway....to make a long story short, I continued to walk away from the
Church, and toward The Craft. That is one of the reasons my wife wanted
to leave me. (Plus she had been having affairs following my surgery)
I find myself really torn or conflicted at times as I continue down
this path. I'm sure it's because of the years of Christian indoctrination.
I'll mention that I found a small coven and joined it. They've been a
very good support group for me.
However, lately the chaos in my life has been really overwhelming at
times. I've had some magickal experiences where it feels like the Goddess
has called me to serve her in a specific task. Yet, I do not feel
qualified in any way, shape, or form, and am somewhat confused about the
whole affair. It also seems like the Goddess has brought a woman from the
coven into my life to work on this project.
I am terribly confused about all of this. I have sought for clarity,
but have had little luck in seeing things for myself.
Any suggestions would be most helpful.
Light in Des Moines IA
You have a truly amazing story and I have no doubt that the Gods have big plans for you. Do not feel that you are not up to the challenge. You can rise up to meet anything that will bring joy to your life. As always, be cautious when meeting new people on your journey. And make sure that you can leave the old ways behind if possible. You must make sure that the Christian part of you can live in peace with the Witch part of you. My suggestion is to continue learning and don't rush yourself! Work more on integrating your new beliefs.