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                                           Thoughts of Adolescence
                                                      By: Neveen  Aka: Neko, Girl Prince , Riot Girl
 
 

Part 1:  Tainted Revolution

I stood amongst the blowing wind, petals of a red rose lay astray before me on the floor, I watched his expression turn from shock into anger. Could he truly be the Prince that gave me this ring? That gave me a silent promise of eternity?.
I watched as I shattered his spirit, I watched as I gained my reality back, my reality that fed on an illusions. She stood beside me holding a pale rose in tanned delicate hands, her eyes held their secret scrutiny. I watched as he left, wordless. I glanced down at the ring that started my story, the one that left me with unknown chapters..The one that left me with an Unknown ending to a
beginning...My revolution..

Part 1

Anthy moved back into my dorm, I felt a strange peace at that, to once again have her with me. As we walked down the familiar hallways of Ohtori Academy I silently wondered where Touga was. Wakaba suddenly appeared behind me, I could feel her presence, she stretched out her hands over my face and covered my eyes with her hands and she attempted to change her voice which I found amusing..."Guess who!!!" she said.
I smiled "Hello Wakaba" I said as she removed her hands and I turned to face her as she wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me to her tightly.
"Heya Anthy!!" Wakaba says waving to Anthy. I took a quick glance towards Anthy and found her smiling softly. She is such a mystery, I thought to myself. I wish she would open up more, I will help her, I swear I will.  I thought to myself.
"Did you hear about the ball that is going to take place ?" Wakaba says, dramatically spinning before me twirling around her uniform skirt as if it were a gown.
"what ball?" I ask, curiously.
"Well looks like "big brother" is in a sad mood and Nanami wants to cheer him up or something, so she's making a big ball, can you believe that I'm invited? I've actually been invited!!!" Wakaba says cheerfully.
The Bell rings and the three of us walk together side by side towards our classroom, we are greeted with familiar faces of students, then with the impatient face of the teacher, we quickly sit down in our places. I sit in the back behind Wakaba and glance towards Anthy every once in a while. I sit and stare, sometimes i would doodle small pictures into my notebook, then i would stare at the large clock that hung on top of the chalk board, watching the hands move smoothly, from one number to the next, bored. Soon the sound of the bell takes me our of my dreamy reverie and the class is over and i decide to head back to my dorm, Anthy joins me , first  we walked Wakaba to her dorm and then we walk towards ours.
We found ourselves facing Nanami who is standing patiently  at our door, she is looking down at her nails and then she suddenly looks up at us and walks towards us slowly.
"I'm inviting you both, even if i don't like you, which i don't, i think Touga would want you
there, so come" Nanami says handing me and Anthy cards and then turning and walking away.
Wow, Touga must be pretty shaken up if Nanami is willing to come up and invite us herself personally, maybe i should talk to Touga, maybe i should go.
"do you want to go Anthy?" I ask Anthy, watching her.
"if you will go Miss Utena then i shall go with you" Anthy replies softly.
"i think i will go, just to check it out" i say and Anthy nods.

I went to that ball, and felt very awkward in my surroundings, Anthy stood beside me while Wakaba stood beside the drink table, holding a cup in her right hand. I wore the same dress Touga has given me long ago, I had no other gowns and did not
have enough time to get one, Anthy wore a red beautiful dress that Wakaba lent had kindly lent her. I saw Miki by the Piano, his eyes fixed on Anthy, but once as he noticed me watching him he looked away, blushing. I saw Juri, in a beautiful Pale orange dress with her hair falling over her shoulders in ardent curls. As much as i searched for him with my eyes, i could find no sign
of Saionji being present at this ball. Nanami stood in a circle of her friends by a nearby wall,  and then I saw Touga, leaning against the railing of the stairs on the second floor, looking down at everyone below. His long red hair falling softly over his shoulders, long strands framing his pale sharp features. I turned my eyes away but I could feel his gaze burning into me, watching me, does he hate me?. I wanted to leave, I felt strange here, I don't belong here.
Wakaba took Anthy by the hand and half dragged her onto the Dance floor and they danced together for a bit, Anthy was shy at first and just stood and watched Wakaba and then began to relax and move slowly to the music. I stood there alone, i felt trapped, but I wouldn't let my fear show, I would never let them see. Unable to help myself,  I took a quick glance towards Touga once again and found him walking down the stairs , his hand sliding slowly over the railing , and walking across the dance floor to what seemed to be towards me.
Should I walk away? should I stay here? what do I do? These questions invaded my thoughts sending my senses in a riot of questioning.
"Hello Utena, i am surpassed you came" Touga says, his deep voice sending shivers over my skin as he stood close beside me, I could hear his breathing, even feel it, could he truly be the Prince I have been searching for?.
"Well, Wakaba didn't want to come alone, and she doesn't really know al ot of people here so I couldn't leave her alone" I said, What an excuse! I thought, but I wasn't going to tell him that I came to see him and how he was doing since the Duel.
"I see, that is nice. I have not seen you since our last...since the last time we met, you seem to be fairing well" Touga says watching me.  I refused to let my eyes meet his, I know that if I did I would be lost.
Before, I wouldn't even care, he was just another popular playboy, but ever since those words he spoke "Wasn't your prince a guy like me?" I have felt strange around him, more aware of his actions, and more aware of my reactions.
"You seem to be doing all right yourself " I said looking towards Wakaba and Anthy dancing around, laughing, enjoying themselves.
"I am surviving, but you know that you will have tough times from here on, until you reach the fight of Revolution" Touga says moving closer to me.
I move away slightly and i look up at him, " I don't care, I have to win.." I said .."For Anthy".
"You really do believe you could become a Prince don't you, and gain eternity " Touga says, continuing to stare into my face.
"I will become a Prince" I said looking towards Anthy, she was smiling twirling around with Wakaba who was giggling with glee, I have to become a prince I thought, I can't let them take Anthy from me.
"Would you like to walk in the gardens? Maybe take some fresh air and we could continue our conversation?" Touga asks, glancing towards Anthy and then back at me.
I thought to myself, alone, with HIM?!, In the past I would refuse, in the past I was stronger towards his implications, but now, I wanted to talk to him.
"All right.." I said as Touga led me towards the large doors that would lead to the garden.
We walked for a while, admiring the scents of the flowers. I sat down on a nearby bench that faced a small fountain of two lovers entwined together, water flowing from their fingertips.
Touga sat beside me and he took my hand in his. I should pull away, I should walk away, but I couldn't.  I just stared down at my hand in his, his long fingers holding onto my hand. His rose crest ring hitting mine slightly. I pulled my hand away. This can't be right, he's a playboy, he probably does this to every girl he has the slightest fancy in. I refuse to be turned into Butter by a guy like this. I stood up and looked down at him. I felt in control, I felt powerful...I felt confused.
 Running through the garden, away from Touga, away from my confusion, I thought to myself how unfair things have become.
He watched me as I ran, He watched as I ran through the large doors and into the dance. I saw Anthy standing beside the drink table with Wakaba beside her. I felt the tears fighting to escape , I refused to cry. Anthy and Wakaba grew tired and wanted to leave, I left with them. I was glad. I needed to get out of here.

Days past strangely yet morbidly peacefully, Touga still had not returned to classes. Things were peaceful until I met Anthy's brother, Akio.. I felt something strange when I was near him, not what I felt with Touga, but something different. I ignored it.
He took me out on a date, he was charming and also very engaged , but I never knew why I had agreed, it was that confusion again that pushed me. "You seem very feminine tonight Utena, I like you this way" he said. Strangely those words scared me, I felt that I was loosing a part of me.
The rest of dinner seemed to pass quickly, as if I were in a dream or a trance.
He took me to a room, hotel room and that was when the confusion beat me. I let him do things that I never let Touga do, but it wasn't Akio in my mind, it was my secret Prince, the one I shared admiration and desire for, the one who had given me my first kiss.
That is all that has lead me to my present scenes, Of the battle for Revolution, The Battle of The Ends Of The World.
Of the battle inside of me. Of what I thought was Anthy's betrayal to me, Of Akio's wicked tainted secrets..
Touga watched, I knew he watched, they all watched, Juri, Miki, Saionji, and even Nanami.... I could not loose to something that can have no winner. A game of betrayed Innocence. Akio told me words i refused to believe, I fought against the Illusions he planted into my head,  I fought for Anthy, but in the end i was Betrayed and hurt, by the hands of my tanned Princess and my tainted False Prince, It was a story woven by the words of Illusions that came from the lips of the tainted one. But I refused to be deterred, I swore that I would save Anthy from the swords that proclaimed her a witch, from the hatred that subjected her to silence, I swore I would become a prince, I was going to free her into the new world, into a new life.
I took the hatred myself in my love for Anthy, I stole the swords away and took in the bitterness.  Touga was watching....I could feel it..
This is where i am now, waiting... Waiting for Anthy, my tanned Princess to meet me here, and for my mysterious Prince...
and For Touga. I will become a Prince, I will find my meaning and my destiny amongst the stars, I will escape my coffin out of my Adolescence and into a reality that would restore the innocence I have lost., where Miracles happen, Where Eternity dwells, where something shinning sleeps, hidden away from the darkness of the shadows.... So my chapter could continue... and perhaps i will one day find my Happy Ending......My Prince.....My Revolution

TO BE CONTINUED (in part 2)

@-}-- Utena has been beaten in the Duel named Revolution...or has she? Where is Utena?.In Part 2: Discrowned Royalty   Of  "Thoughts Of Adolescence", Anthy must duel in the fight named Freedom....Will the Rose Bride succeed or will she once against be subjected to the tainted Akio?.....and what happens to Touga?........

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(another Note: I wanted part 1 just to be an introduction into what is happening now =)
tell me what you think!!! )
Please e-mail Neveen with your comments at girlprince@hotmail.com